So the bad thing finally happened

[newlymarried]

In our court order, kiddo isn't supposed to be around felons. BPDbiomom's boyfriend is a felon whose first conviction was DV and child abuse. After her last overnight with BPDbiomom kiddo told my DH and I that felon is yelling at her, shaking her and holding her wrists with his hands. She went into detail about it and had to be sitting in my lap to talk about it. My DH will be suspending BPDbiomom's visitation and possibly involving CPS.

This is where the s**t hits the fan. I have been a nervous wreck. BPDbiomom is pregnant with felon's kid, and has told kiddo that they will be married when the child is born. With the court order, as is, no felons around kiddo; has BPDbiomom already chosen what she wants? I am terrified of dealing with the family court. BPDbiomom has been telling kiddo that her Dad and I don't love her. It is a mess.

[ForeverDad]

Does your SD have a counselor or therapist?  Any regular contact with children's services or some other agency?  If not, it would be good to investigate whether such services are available.  She's not 'too young'.

Current status is biomom isn't utilizing all her parenting time? And DH is seeking to have her parental rights removed?  And you're willing to adopt her?  Generally it's very difficult to terminate a parent's rights, but from what you've written maybe mother will not fight it when going to mediation?  All I can say is hope for the best but plan also for the worst, so to speak.

It sounds like this is the time to (1) report it to children's services and/or (2) file an ex parte (immediate) action to stop visitation until the court can hold a full hearing on the issues of SD being around a felon contrary to the order and

Don't feel you can't go to court before the scheduled mediation.  That's months away.  Likely there is merit in filing an ex parte motion to suspend biomom's visitation until a full hearing can be held a few weeks later.  While you don't need a lawyer to do so, it would be helpful.  If you can't afford to hire a family law attorney or pay a retainer, perhaps you can just get legal consultations so that you get a better idea of what that involves and how to prepare for success while avoiding legal blunders.

I don't know if children's services will view biomom having a felon around SD and his reported behaviors with SD as 'actionable' but you won't know if you don't try.  These days 'shaking' is an extremely serious matter with babies, not sure about preschoolers.  Yelling might also be 'actionable' if directed at SD and not just that SD heard him yelling.

One legal aspect is that not reporting behaviors which might be considered abuse could put you and DH at risk of being complicit to biomom's choices and actions. Silence is not golden in this respect.

Frankly, as I'm sure you're aware, you and DH have no legal standing regarding the soon-to-arrive baby.  How the half-siblings can have contact in the future is a matter that can wait until this immediate issue is resolved one way or the other.

[newlymarried]

Kiddo has a therapist, but she has stated that she won't be involved with our custody. I am a healthcare professional, and therefore a mandated reporter. I am also a stepparent and a part of these proceedings. I am very conflicted and nervous about going back to court. Biomom has not taken most of her parenting time.

With the felon's history, anything that would be reported would most likely land him back in jail. I don't know what would happen with Biomom at that point either.

It is nerve wracking to be looking at going after her in court. I am scared that she would try and steal kiddo.

[ForeverDad]

With the felon's history, anything that would be reported would most likely land him back in jail. I don't know what would happen with Biomom at that point either.

Well, if that happens, it would be his deserved consequences.  If it happens, let him face them.  Same for Biomom, let her face her consequences.  Both are adults, your concern is the child in your scope of care.

It is nerve wracking to be looking at going after her in court. I am scared that she would try and steal kiddo.

My ex threatened before separation sometimes to disappear with our son and I'd never see him again.  Didn't happen.  Of course, she didn't have the shadow class of acquaintances that Biomom may have.  Don't let your fears rule your life.  Sometimes you just have to do what preparations you can and then move ahead with life.

[tiredndown]

Current status is biomom isn't utilizing all her parenting time? And DH is seeking to have her parental rights removed?  And you're willing to adopt her?  Generally it's very difficult to terminate a parent's rights, but from what you've written maybe mother will not fight it when going to mediation?  All I can say is hope for the best but plan also for the worst, so to speak.

Have you been documenting every single time the biomom isn't utilizing all her parenting time?

[newlymarried]

Every time that Biomom hasn't taken her time, there has been an email sent. There is a long paper trail. We would like to have her rights removed. I would adopt kiddo in a heartbeat.

She also hasn't paid any child support at all, in more than a year. That could very well be the final nail in the coffin to her parental rights.

[tiredndown]

Until the day I die I will never ever understand how someone can abandon their children. Good for you stepping up for the good of these children. I truly hope you sleep well for doing this. 

[newlymarried]

I love kiddo very much and I want her to be safe. I don't think that biomom is capable of keeping kiddo safe.