RO for a year

[irishmarmot]

Well I had my hearing for the RO my ex took out on me.  She lied and told the judge I choked her.  The judge believed her so the RO is for a year.  I've been NC almost four weeks.  The good thing is that I should be over her by then.  I am going through the grieving process and feel sad today.  She did contact my T yesterday and said narcissistic rage.  Thats funny because she raged at me the night she called the police.

[santa]

Excellent.

You'll definitely be over her by then. 

[Johnny Alias]

Oh man I wish I had one of those! 

That's aces! 

[Ceide]

People filing false reports of abuse - drives me absolutely crazy; they make it so much worse for real victims of abuse!  Before I found out about BPD, I would have found it very difficult to believe that someone could file a false report.  I can't believe you have to put up with this!

Irishmarmot, I am so sorry you are going through this.  Bad enough we have to process everything else, but then this too, on top of it all?  And it sounds like you are handling it very well.  Grief and sadness, of course, but the fact that you are not incredibly angry, wow, that's impressive. 

[irishmarmot]

I am going through all the stages of grief right now so every week is getting better.  I do cycle through anger as well as everything else during the day.  Yes I am totally innocent but the rx did say she still had feelings for me in court.  But as we all know it is the actions not the words that count and she stood before a judge and lied.  If she lied to him she lied to me.  Why would I want someone like that in my life.  I don't and I am glad she is gone.  All I have to do is procrss the feelings.

[irishmarmot]

I am going through all the stages of grief right now so every week is getting better.  I do cycle through anger as well as everything else during the day.  Yes I am totally innocent but the rx did say she still had feelings for me in court.  But as we all know it is the actions not the words that count and she stood before a judge and lied.  If she lied to him she lied to me.  Why would I want someone like that in my life.  I don't and I am glad she is gone.  All I have to do is procrss the feelings.

[mgl210]

You'd like a restraining order? I can remember the second time my ex and I split. She had self harmed herself the night before, and she was really moody the night that this event occured. It was around 730 on a Friday night. I live in a small town. I hear a knock at my door. I look outside my window and see the local pd outside. Thinking something drastic must have happened in my one square mile town, I open the door. They ask me if I am who I am, I replied that I was and they arrested me on suspicion of domestic violence against my said ex. It turns out she went home bawling her eyes out about me and her being over. Her parents being the overprotective type at this time and junction, see a few bruises on her body. They ask her if they are from me. No response as she didn't want to risk getting thrown out of her grandmother's house. So she stayed quiet, she was asked again and the next thing she knows her father drags her to my local pd and files domestic violence charges against. About a little over a half a year later, the charges get dropped because she didn't want to testify falsely against me, and so the charges got dropped.

This was what set in motion the hiding behind my mom's back of me and her being together. Her staying at my house, and then having to go back to her grandmother's house whenever my mom would be in the United States. It wasn't till just last November that after all the many recycling attempts that I finally decided to tell my mom about her. My mom was okay with it. Just told me to do what I thought was best for me and that is all she could really ask of me. Fast forward to a few days before xmas and she dumps me because she has her doubts. We get back together again before xmas, and then she dumps me against most recently on Jan 13th. Last Thursday, I got a text from her wishing me a happy chinese new year... .

So yeah, you want a restraining order against you? I cried so hard that night after I got home from hanging out with my friend after my friend had to come and bail my butt outta jail. I had to borrow the required money to attain an attorney and to top it off, almost had my life completely ruined. Yet I was and still am a complete idiot in the fact that I still miss her, and wish she was a part of my life... .

Just my two cents worth in it

MGL

[maxen]

crikey irish, i am so sorry. if that was done to me i would be splitting with rage.

she stood before a judge and lied.  If she lied to him she lied to me.  Why would I want someone like that in my life.

my w lied about her fidelity, lied about lying about her fidelity, lied to the other party by continuing to meet with me, and i would bet my bottom dollar lied to her friends and family about our marriage. she also revealed that she had lied about her drinking and spending. and some little lies during the marriage. so why do i still, a little, want someone like that in my life? this BPD thing is the worst.

[mgl210]

Love is a very tricky confusing thing... If I had an answer. i'd be a millionaire...

[Johnny Alias]

All I meant was it would be a great way of sticking to NC. You reach out you go to jail. That would put me off. That would work.

[that1guy]

I ended up with a stay away order against me. My now exdBPDw had already moved out. It was her "attempt" at a break so we could work on ourselves so we could work on us. She still had a key.

She had a friend coming to town to visit, and wanted some things from the house. I had agreed earlier in the week for her to come by to get these things. But, I told her that I had plans and that we would have to meet up at the house after.

While I was out, she started texting me about why I wasn't home. We had never agreed to a set time, though she was convinced that we had. I got frustrated and told her that since she had a key, she could just go get what she wanted. I even told her where to find them.

She said she would get what she needed. I though "ok" crisis adverted. Man, was I wrong!

I get home over an hour later, and find her still there. She had gone through the house and found something she didn't like. And had sat there working herself up over it. She picked a fight right when I walked through the door. We had been separated for about a month at that point. I guess I was starting to feel a bit like my old self. I didn't back down from her accusations, and for the first time in a long while raised my voice and lost my temper.

She called the cops and told them I hit her. I think she even cut herself on purpose to convince them. As soon as she said she was calling the police, I went outside to disengage. I ended up in custody for 36 hours. Missed a shift at work, and had a stay away order and curfew imposed. (The missed shift, and my young female manager's fear that I actually hit my wife, led to me loosing a job.)

I didn't know then about BPD what I do now. I think the forced no contact is what ultimately saved me. With out that, I fear that I would have gone through mulitiple recycles and much more pain.

I can see where a RO can be a blessing in disguise.

[irishmarmot]

Amazing, I raised my voice to her and she called 911.  On January 13 no less.  Police let her go and I was the victim in the police report.  Judge issued order despite that but I don't believe he bought her story.   Just hope that I have heard the last of her.  I am doing good I will process the feelings, stay out of relationships, and try to figure out what is wrong with me! In therapy.   Turns out I have some BPD traits.   That's why it was so hard to leave her at the first red flag and there were many.  I'm not saying she is a bad person.   She's got a lot of good qualities.   I just played into all the negative stuff, and I don't think I am any different then anyone else.  Just fortunate to get out at 4 months.   What a nightmare.

[feelingcrazy7832]

Irishmarmot - why is she calling your T? If she has a no contact order on you, that means she can't contact you or interfere with your life either. The order can basically be thrown out if she continues to do this.

[irishmarmot]

Isn't that typical BPD behavior?