Seeing things for what they are

[Kifazes]

Like I wrote previously, his grandmother passed away recently. He didn't deal well with that, and got very dysregulated.

He started a huge agurment with me.

Little background info: I went to the doctor, cause I have an inflamed shoulder, and so I needed painkillers and meds to get that healing. When I want to the pharmacist, they didn't have it in storage, so I needed to come back the other day.

I was foolish to think that there was no harm done.

Cause when I got home, he went ballistic.

I was a liar, I didn't have pain, I didn't have anything wrong with my shoulder.

He said "I find it very suspicious that the pharmacist didn't have it". Called me all nasty things he could think off.

Then he demanded to see what my doctor prescribed me, and I didn't wanted to do that. That ofcrouse just made things worse.

But I think it's not his place to 'check out', and I don't think I need to prove myself for anything. I just couldn't do it. I just walked away, not giving him the 'evidence', and that ofcourse ment to him that I indeed was a liar.

I refuse to give him 'evidence' of anything that is so ridiculous. I shouldn't have to do that... . So I kept to my boundary. And that's a pretty important one for me.

Cause I find that I have the right to live my own life, without being questioned about everything, and making sure I have evidence in case he thinks I'm a liar.

We haven't spoken since.

Silent treatment, for silent treatment.

I wanted to be there for him, cause it's never easy to lose someone you love. But, I'm not planning to be his doormat until he feels better, and I feel like crap.

I can live with the fact that he thinks I'm a liar, and a horrible person.


Has anyone had the same experiences?

[Remington]

Hi

Sounds like its tough to endure this kind of treatment?

Glad you stuck to your sense of boundaries.

Do you think it may have defused his rage if he did see what the doctor had ordered for medication?

Lots of info here about how to continue to handle these types of conflicts.

Glad you are here with us.

Stay safe.

Remington

[Kifazes]

It's not that though anymore, since a while back I got detached. Really detached. I do have things that still bug me, or I find annoying. But I'm not engaged in it anymore.

Because of that, it's also easier to stick to your boundaries. Which is a great feeling to me :-)

I may have defused his rage, indeed. But it would have cost me a lot, emotional. I don't think anyone ever has to make sure they have evidence or anything like that to show that they are being true.

Cause there were times in the past that I would make sure I would park my car across the street or some other place it was in the morning, to make sure he believed me when I said I went out. That's just no way of living. So now I stick to the boundary that I don't have to explain myself, or prove myself to him. Or anyone for that matter. Not unless I have done something really bad.

Even in the states they have the saying "Innocent until proven guilty".

I'm just always guilty, and have to prove my innocence. But not anymore.

He can think what he wants about it, and I will know my thruth :-)


Thanks for your reply!