BPD and college

[Nrsertcht]

Hello,

I've been here a little here and there but here is some background;

DD, now 19 diagnosed 2 years ago with BPD traits/Bipolar, Social anxiety, OCD traits, Depression. She had 3 inpt. stays the first 6 months and has been on Lithium and Klonopin since then. We did 6 months of DBT which she never fully embraced, does have long standing therapist and has weekly appts. with DMH for "transition" program (into adulthood).


I have read through these boards and I  don't often see others with BPD traits like my DD. DD doesn't rage, steal, do drugs or have any of the other behaviors I read about.

DD is very clingy to me, worries I'll die, loves being home and is terrified of abandonment. She is bright, fun to be with, has several good friends and is dating a young man she's known since infancy.

DD is again trying classes at a community college after having withdrawn when she was hospitalized a yr and half ago. She got through last semester, two classes and this semester has three classes of her own choosing with teachers she really likes.  She has become increasingly anxious about school without being sure why, is sleeping almost non stop, has started self harming after 1.5 years, not eating well, crying and so on.

We both saw her therapist today who felt it would be dangerous to withdraw as she would then have nothing-no job, no school, doesn't drive (anxiety).

I just saw DD's Tumblr account (she gave me full access) and now she's talking about not wanting to live.

At 19, DD can surely refuse to go but she has always been worried about disappointing me. I can't force her to go but I am worried that she will withdraw and then be even more homebound.

We do have a psychiatrist and will reach out to her.

We have tried getting her to the gym, swimming, etc... . for exercise as she doesn't do anything when home but watch movies, computer, read.

Is there anyone who has the same issues? Thoughts? Advice?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[femom]

Hello, Your child's story sounds so familiar that I could have written it. My 19 year old D is taking a year away from her college, taking classes at a local school.  She wants to return next year, but I am so afraid that she will sink into depression and anxiety as she did last year. It is so difficult because the local school doesn't provide the intellectual stimulation that she wants, but going away may just be too stressful.

Like yours, my daughter spends her days watching movies, on the computer and on Tumbler.  Her anxiety has also prevented her from getting her license.

I don't have any words of advice for you, but wanted to let you know that I am dealing with a very similar situation.

[pessim-optimist]

Hello ladies,

I am so sorry your girls are having such a hard time... . I do not have answers, I think the way to find answers is to find what's causing them the anxiety/depression... .

Is it the workload, is it the anonymous nature of the campus, is it the weight or responsibility/fear of failure, or... . ? (the possibilities are endless, but knowing the cause/causes might be the first step towards improvement)

What were they like during high school?

Nrsertcht - how about dropping one class out of the three? Would that help your dd to find more confidence and peace?

[jellibeans]

dear Nrsertcht

I am sorry for the struggles you are all going through. I have read other posts that don't have the raging so I do think there are teens out there that have the same profile.

I am wondering if your dd really wants to be in school at all? i do think maybe dropping one class might reduce her stress but I am not sure what is causing her distress. Has she ever had a job? My dd recently got a job and she feels very proud of herself and a sense of complishment. My dd has a lot of anxeity too and will spend a lot of time in bed watching tv... . does your dd have friends?

Have you thought of changing therapists? If her current therapist is really not helping then I would find a new one... . someone she can connect with. I know it is hard to change but when you find the right therapist you will know.

[Karategirl]

Hello,

My daughter's profile is similar, however she is a few years younger.

She has recently been doing volunteer work at a nursing home and it

has been terrific!  Really makes her feel good about herself and occupies

Some of her spare time. Best of luck to you

[femom]

My daughter isn't really sure what is causing the anxiety, which is a real problem.  I think she wants to be in school, and she had more friends there than ever before, but I know she misses the security of home and of having me smooth things out for her.  The idea of a reduced course load is a good one, and she is having an education evaluation done so she can go to the disabilities office and ask for some specific accommodations to make academic life easier for her.  I'm not opposed to her taking time off from school to work, but she says she wants to be in college.  It is so difficult to have a child in crisis!

[pessim-optimist]

My daughter isn't really sure what is causing the anxiety, which is a real problem.  I think she wants to be in school, ... .

I'm not opposed to her taking time off from school to work, but she says she wants to be in college.  It is so difficult to have a child in crisis!

It is difficult! The protective instinct in us just wants to make it all better... .

It might be that she really wants to go to school and something about it is causing her anxiety, thus putting her in a tough place... . You might be right that it's missing the security of home and having you smooth things out... .

The route of evaluation and disabilities office might be a starting point on a way to a therapist... .

[Eclaire5]

Sometimes I am skeptical that the “quiet borderlines” actually have BPD. So many therapists automatically diagnose girls who engage in self-cutting with BPD, but they do not meet most of the other criteria. In my humble opinion, they mostly seem to have dependent personality disorder and not BPD. The cutting behavior or fear of abandonment would not be enough for a BPD diagnosis. You might want to get your daughter re-evaluated for her to get the right treatment. Therapy with DPD is quite different than for the one targeted to borderline patients. DBT would help with some of the symptoms, but it would not do anything to get at the core of the cause of the dependent traits. Just my opinion, I might be totally wrong… 

[Nrsertcht]

Just got a chance to read through the replies and am sorry I didn't get back sooner.

To answer questions... . my daughter LOVED her senior yr. of high school as she felt safe and had incredibly supportive teachers/adjustment counselor. She had excellent grades and friends but the friends drifted away. Dd has always been an anxious child but functioned through that anxiety to be in plays, swim team, etc... . while in HS.Earlier years found her compete in other academic competitions, athletic competitions, etc. Her troubles came full head when she was a senior.

She HATES college, the school, academic advisers, and is anxious where she loses sleep, eats little and so on. She is taking three courses of her choosing with teachers she sought out, she doesn't see the value of school. Her career choice has always been to write... . always. She keeps referring to those lucky few who publish books when very young.

She has quite the following on Tumblr for her fanfiction. People search for her writings. She has counseled (online) younger followers to talk to parents/get help which brings her great joy.

I have found her local writing guilds, drop in writing clubs, etc... to join which she tried but was so anxious.

She does not work... . anxiety causes her brief periods of dissociation.

Does not drive. (See above)

As far as diagnosis, I will look at the DPD but at this point, DD shows 7/9 BPD traits.

I am hoping she'll finish this semester which she states she knows she should do as she'd have to retake these classes if she ever wishes for a degree. It's up to her... . I tell her whatever she feels she can/can't do... . I want her safe  <3

[pessim-optimist]

Hm... . anxiety can definitely be a damper on college as everything and everybody is new - especially if she doesn't like her counselors... .

Is there another college/community college nearby that she might like better?

I would encourage her to write as it is her dream.

And also, as a side issue, I'd have a chat with her about what she'd enjoy if she had to support herself in the meantime. Something she'd like, something that would not make her overly anxious, and also something that would leave some time for her to focus on writing.