ex blocked me on fb

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

He had been contacting me... when I didn't return his contacts... he threatened

to throw my stuff... I just sent a sentence asking him to mail my things and my address.

After that he blocked me.  I feel like the door is completely closed.

And it hurts. Dunno why he would block me when he was the one contacting.

[Hurtbeyondrepair27]

He had been contacting me... when I didn't return his contacts... he threatened

to throw my stuff... I just sent a sentence asking him to mail my things and my address.

After that he blocked me.  I feel like the door is completely closed.

And it hurts. Dunno why he would block me when he was the one contacting.

[Turkish]

He had been contacting me... when I didn't return his contacts... he threatened

to throw my stuff... I just sent a sentence asking him to mail my things and my address.

After that he blocked me.  I feel like the door is completely closed.

And it hurts. Dunno why he would block me when he was the one contacting.

To assert control.

[love2give]

I hope but my story doesn't get boring but last month when my exBPDgf and I had our last argument and she stormed off, the first message she sent me was "remove me from your facebook".  Now realize we are in our 40's and of all the things to worry about after a relationship where the word LOVE was used every few minutes was FACEBOOK I was a bit shocked and found it so teenagerish.

She had asked the same thing In other argument we had so this time I was going to oblige.  I blocked her.

Within ten minutes she text me saying I didn't have to block her cause she is not some monster.  Again I could not believe the topic so I unblocked her.

After a few weeks where she was not answering my texts or emails I decided to at least take control of that.  I BLOCKED her.  It really is more just a symbol to me and I am sure she is LIVID about it.  Facebook seems to be a HUGE part of her life even though she denies it and always accused me of being a "facebooker" which is total BS. I am a single dad with a full time job, two kids and, at the time, trying to please her demands.

Try not to let it bother you to much, that's what he wants.

[lipstick]

Dear HurtBeyondRepair,

I've been blocked on FB since the beginning of this past December.  My exBPDbf had been giving me the Silent Treatment since the discard in October of 2012.  He popped back up on FB at first by "following" me. I ignored him. That escalated to a "Friend Request". Ignored that as well. He subsequently blocked me. Like I was the bad guy.

Do I believe he has shut the door completely? I don't really know. I kind of doubt it. His life is totally miserable. I'm fairly positive he's still finding a way to spy on me thru FB. That's his problem. He couldn't be bothered sending me a simple message explaining why he wanted to be FB friends - just the request. Like I was supposed to just "forgive and forget" the pain he had caused me. Yeah... . no. 

You'll be fine. It just takes time... .

[arn131arn]

FB is where they feed for narcisstic supply. I was never on my ex's FB page after providing for her and my family the last 14 years. I believe this is where/how she met my replacement. It will be the undoing of our generation in terms of healthy/happy/family dynamics. It's the devil's website

[Hurtbeyondrepair27]

To assert control? How would that give him control? Don't get it.

[growing_wings]

Hi hurtbeyondrepair... .

I experienced the blocking 2 -3 weeks ago. It hurt like crazy... . even tho i was in NC, etc... i still hurt a lot. So i understand how you are feeling.

Would you prefer for him to continue being your friend even if the b/u was happening? in my case, i wanted to leave a door a little open, so i did not unfriend her... she did. it hurt, but now i know it was the right thing.

Although is hard, the best thing is to indeed end social media communication.

Now, few weeks later, i am starting to feel better ... so it will take time.

[LA4610]

blocking on fb seems to be very popular/common with BPDs. imo he prob did it for for 2 reasons.

1. to assert control- based on what you are saying, you rejected his attempts to pull you back in. by blocking you he now has "control". he is now the one rejecting you, not the other way around. 

*keep in mind this is a very sick way of thinking.

2. to pull you back in- he might be doing this hoping that you will contact him by questioning him about why he blocked you.

make sense?

[NyGirl8]

I actually blocked my ex... . for control and to make it that much more difficult to contact him... . think about what he is up, try and find out what he is up to... . So, I blocked him and my replacement as well as many of his "friends" who spy for him.

[blissful_camper]

He had been contacting me... when I didn't return his contacts... he threatened

to throw my stuff... I just sent a sentence asking him to mail my things and my address.

After that he blocked me.  I feel like the door is completely closed.

And it hurts. Dunno why he would block me when he was the one contacting.

It sounds like he was trying to get a reaction out of you that he didn't get.  You didn't reply initially (NC), and so he pushed more (threatening to throw away your belongings) and your response to that was short and sweet. I'm guessing he blocked you as a form of punishment, or perhaps he thought he could get a reaction out of you (that you would contact him) by blocking you.  To me it sounds like unhealthy attempts to get you to engage with him. 

I'm really sorry that this happened to you. 

[Hurtbeyondrepair27]

I broke contact my ex (not him) is refusing to bring  my daughter back I cant drive out of state currently and im hurting really,badly dunno when ill get her back. So I contacted this ex... Even tho he said he hopes that ex gets custody.

Screwed up... Right?

I want comfort and hes been,my closest friend before we got involved. Really hurting

[Turkish]

I broke contact my ex (not him) is refusing to bring  my daughter back I cant drive out of state currently and im hurting really,badly dunno when ill get her back. So I contacted this ex... Even tho he said he hopes that ex gets custody.

Screwed up... Right?

I want comfort and hes been,my closest friend before we got involved. Really hurting

I'm sorry, Hurt. That is cruel beyond words to say something like that. Shame on him!

[growing_wings]

I broke contact my ex (not him) is refusing to bring  my daughter back I cant drive out of state currently and im hurting really,badly dunno when ill get her back. So I contacted this ex... Even tho he said he hopes that ex gets custody.

Screwed up... Right?

I want comfort and hes been,my closest friend before we got involved. Really hurting

i am also sorry to know that this is happening to you. How are things now?

[Hurtbeyondrepair27]

I contacted him last night and we talked for almost 2 hours.

He said he was sorry and remorseful (didn't feel like it, but I don't think

BPD's feel the same as we do). He also said that wasn't him when he flies into rages... .

that he was mentally ill and sick (still refuses to get help says he is just going to stay singe from now on).

He listened to me and got defensive sometimes but on the whole admitted wrong doing.

He said he wants to be with me but knows he will hurt me again so it is best that we no longer

see each other in a romantic sense. This stung... no begging... no pleading... no asking me back again.

He doesn't want me. And it totally sucks.

I had therapy this morning... my therapist said I am changing... and it is good I attempted NC... . and I am allowed

to have compassion for him and still love him while knowing we cannot be together... . I still plan on staying out

of a relationship with him... but it really hurts that it is just so easy for him to say we can't be together... . like he has

discarded me now.


Trying to get through it ya'll thanks for the help.

[NyGirl8]

 Hi Hurtbeyondrepair,

I can really empathize with you.  I get where you are and feel like we are in kind of the same place.  Sorry you are here... . I wouldn't wish it on anyone. 

I am glad you are going easy on yourself though.  I myself and having a very difficult time with this as well.  Still trying to get past the Love.

We deserve real love though.  We deserve to be loved back and not tossed aside like trash.  Because really, I am learning that no matter what their words say, that is not love.  Nope.  I want to heal so that I can one day recognize real love when I see it.  Real, simple, calm, possibly even boring, lasting, Love.  Yup, no more of this roller coaster stuff!

We deserve real, lasting, respectful, and true.

Good luck!

[Hurtbeyondrepair27]

Thanks I feel almost used... like I gave him the sex he wanted for 2 years...

and then he's like eeh nevermind... This may or may not be true...

but it sure does feel like it when a guy is highly attracted to you... pretends to "fall in love"

then discards you like no biggie... I'm sure it's my own insecurity...

but I feel really used and discarded right now.

[LettingGo14]

I'm sure it's my own insecurity...

but I feel really used and discarded right now.

You definitely deserve better.  I hope you can give yourself some self-compassion right now.  You are in the right place on this board.   We can do this together.

[NyGirl8]

Ummm, I would say that is how you should feel!  I feel the same way!  But, what I am trying to learn and have it sink in... . is that their behavior has everything to do with them and their disorder.  Little to nothing to do with us... .

It does help a little bit... .

[Hurtbeyondrepair27]

Thanks everyone... I invested too much.

Therapy was great this morning... it will be hard... . but I decided

today in therapy I'm done with abusive relationships. I refuse to go back.

the more I go back the more invested I become... if it hurts now... it will be so much more later.

I'm done... bittersweet

[strikeforce]

Yeah mine was always blocking me if we had a fall out, or split up.

At the beginning of December after trying to get me back she tells me she's a homosexual who is tired of hiding the fact and asks if we can be friends.

I said no and she wished me all the best and blocked me.

She's been NC for 12 weeks now.

[goingtostopthis]

I dont know.  I know anything anymore.   But it seems to me when they disgard you in a way that seems to easy for them, it only seems that way because they have all ready detached themselves from you in a really superficial way.  They get so caught up in their anger and their sick egos its like the other side of themselves shut off. Mine went on and on about how I wasnt the women for him and bash, bash, bash and then right in the middle of it as Im sittinng there in shock and tears,  he says he still loves me.  I was like "what?"  For mine, he was so out of touch with himself I dont think he really knew what he was feeling.  He even said he had to go because he was messed up.  I was thinking ,ya... . you said it.    From this time after, he had developed a whole new persona towards me , everything is cold and mean like he doesnt even know me. He knows me,  He knows me,  this new him is full of  sh**.   Its what he wants to be to protect  himself from his fears and play act his dumping all this on me scene.   All he has wanted to do is hurt me and saying what ever ,no matter how cruel sounding was the game. I truely believe this,  there was no real meaning behind any words he said. It was designed only to hurt and punish me.  I really think he has gotten  a lot of satisfaction from this and this is the only reason why hes done this to me. Its all about him feeling better with in his illness and it doesnt matter if I were a rock he was doing it to, getting what he got from it proceded my exsistence as a person . Its been all about him feeling better about his fears,  nothing else matters.  He manages by a lot of self lying.

[Hurtbeyondrepair27]

I'm talking to mine again. We had sex a few times...

He does the same thing. yet I can't let him go.

See? It's not just them... its us too.  

[growing_wings]

I'm talking to mine again. We had sex a few times...

He does the same thing. yet I can't let him go.

See? It's not just them... its us too.  

hurtbeyondrepair...

this is very true. it is us too... it takes two to be in a r/s (dysfunctional or not), it takes 2 to recycle... .

that is why we try so hard to focus on ourselves as we seek to heal. it hurts, it is difficult, but is worth it

what do you think you need to do to let him go?

[seeking balance]

HI HBR,

You definitely are going through a lot of emotional ups/downs and I know from my own experience this can be exhausting.

The Undecided Board is a hard place to be - honestly, it really is.

Choosing a Path - see to the right:

1. Stop the Bleeding

2.  Take a Step backwards

3.  Look in the Mirror

4.  Embrace reality of BPD

5.  Take Inventory

Reading this post, makes me think you are ready to look in the mirror - what do you see when you look in the mirror HBR?

Peace,

SB

[Hurtbeyondrepair27]

what do you think you need to do to let him go?[/quote]
I have no idea... . I'm so confused... I have no idea why I am doing this.

He doesn't appreciate me at all. He is constantly trying to make me jealous right now,

and I have no idea why. Talking about other girls ect... . I know he considers me very attractive

so maybe he is trying to beat down my self esteem?

He knows he has control... and I'm sure my value is much lower now.

I just have no idea... . I keep hoping it will be different this time I guess?

[Hurtbeyondrepair27]

He must think I'm an idiot for continuing to have sex with him.

Currently he is "experimenting" with his anti depressants

taking double the amount (which means he is probably completely

unpredictable emotionally right now.)

He got his first paycheck at his new job... blew it in a day.

Probably won't contact me until I contact him again (withholding

for power reasons maybe?) I feel like I mean nothing to him yet I stick around.

It is really frustrating... I gained a little weight right before him and I got together, and

I've been working out everyday... trying to work on taking care of myself and

my self esteem.

It's interesting because I keep hoping maybe he will want me more if I work on my body.

All my friends think I'm crazy b/c "you're out of his league" I think a huge issue

is my self esteem and he knows it... so he plays on that card a little bit.

I'm biracial and he has said things in the past like "I like you better pale" (when I'm wearing sunblock)

and I'm already pretty light... . or if you got thinner you could be a model.

Or telling me about cute girls at his work and how they are flirting with him... .

ugh why does he do that? I feel like that's a huge reason why I stay too.

He has me chasing for his approval. That's a HUGE trigger for me... . approval.

When he makes love to me I feel powerful b/c I feel like he finds me beautiful again.

It's really twisted and absurd... but I'm being candid unfortunately.

[Clearmind]

Hurt, your situation doesn't sound ideal. Would I be right in thinking you are not together but still have sex?

What are you wanting for your future?

[HopefulDad]

In my case it has just become comical... .

First was the series of my BPDw de-friending me, then re-friending me.  Our mutual FB friends must have been wondering "Huh?" every time they saw another "HopefulDad and BPDw are now friends" message show up in their news feed.

Then two years ago BPDw had enough of FB in general (mostly ad-related) and decided to de-activate her account.  She signed off with one final status update about how FB is not how she wants to maintain her friendships and that she looks forward to connecting "for real" with those in her life she's close.  I understand that... .

... . until she opened a 2nd FB account shortly thereafter under a pseudonym and re-friended 3 or 4 of her closest friends.  She kept that on the down low for quite some time, but then after I moved out she re-branded that account as herself and re-friended most of our joint friends.  Except me, of course.  So now I routinely see her comments on posts of our friends.

Since I don't take FB seriously as a barometer of relationship strength, I laugh more than anything at these antics and this is also the reason I don't even bother to bring it up with her.  But I cannot help but notice the nonsense.

[Hurtbeyondrepair27]

Hurt, your situation doesn't sound ideal. Would I be right in thinking you are not together but still have sex?

What are you wanting for your future?

Yes. I think him and I both are afraid of relationships. I am more ready than him.

He's comfortable. I have no clue what I want for the future... I'm working on my legal

degree and I'm in therapy... but other than that I have no clue. I know that I am plenty

scared of a relationship.  He knows he will hurt me if we stay together. There is this part of him...

that isn't all bad... that doesn't want to hurt me.  Sometimes he wants to be with me, and sometimes he

doesn't. He doesn't want to put me through the rollercoaster, but doesn't mind having awesome sex with me.

Yea. It's giving me a complex.


Hopeful dad... .  I know what you mean!