much happens nothing changes

[vivekananda]

I just wanted to touch base with all my friends here and reinforce the importance of what I have learnt here from you all.

Although I am not as skilled at my techniques (validation esp) with my dd I am able to apply what I have learnt here, in my life in general. As a result, I am much calmer, more at peace although the anxiety of living with the hurt of my BPDd32 has taken a toll.

I wanted to share with you some news. I recently had occasion to be severely tested and I came through unscathed. My mum passed away peacefully at the start of the year. Most of my life I had limited contact with her because her uBPD meant we usually ended up fighting. When she started to get dementia and became vulnerable, I ended up as the one to have the most contact and responsibility (I have 4 siblings). Thanks to this I was able to develop a very strong loving relationship with mum. While mum was dying, I was most worried about my BPD sis who is an unmanageable walking disaster. When mum died I was also worried about what would happen.

Thanks to understanding how to apply validation, acceptance, boundaries and mindfulness you would be pleased I not only avoided any flare up, (well there was one short heated moment) but the whole thing with the completely dysfunctional family went smoothly. With the aged care residence, I was able to manage the visiting so that mum wasn't overwhelmed, I had my own time to be with mum and everyone else who wanted to did too, I organised her funeral with a minimum of fuss, I organised the dispensation of mum's personal effects and from a family of 50 or so, there were no complaints and many expressions of appreciation. All of this would not have been possible without all that I had learnt here (and elsewhere).

Of my dd... . well she missed the service but got to the supper and burial. This was the first time I had seen or spoken with her for most of last year. I have seen her again in Jan but she still isn't interested in contact or a relationship. She has been diagnosed with 'complexPTSD' by her T who she sees from time to time and we pay for her T bills. Dh agreed to get her car serviced and repaired for her.

Life goes on, the only changes are the ones that I do with me ... . building new neural pathways doesn't happen overnight! So, I keep on practicing,

Vivek 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[llbee814]

So sorry to hear about the loss of your mom,  Vivek.  Pleased, though, that you are sounding well despite that upheaval and the ongoing issues with your dd.  As always, your wisdom shines through.  Glad you checked in here and I have the opportunity to thank you for all the positive things that I was able to "get" from your generous sharing of your own learning experiences and thoughts.  You do have a "way" about you, girl.  Just wanted you to know you are appreciated and you have made a difference for me and my dd.  Blessings,  llbee 

[jellibeans]

Dear vive

I am so sorry for your loss but glad you were able to cope throught it all. I am glad you are doing well. Thanks for checking. I wondered where you had gone

Take care and focus on yourself for a while.

[crumblingdad]

So sorry to hear of the loss of your mom.  Its wonderful, however, to hear how you've been able to manage the whole process applying what you've learned. 

The skills truly do make such a difference in our lives when we constantly practice them and continue learning them and its a blessing you've been able to utilize them during such a difficult time.

[peaceplease]

Vivekanda,

  Great to hear from you!  I am so sorry for the loss of your mom.  I am glad that you were able to have a loving relationship with your mom.  It sounds like you managed well with your BPDSis and all other matters.

My mother is doing fine, physically.  Her dementia is progressing.  My dd is so not understanding or patient with my mom.

I am sorry that not much has changed regarding your dd.  Continue to take care of yourself.

peaceplease

[mggt]

Dear Vivek,  So sorry for your loss,  may the time you spent with your mom give you some peace.  I had hoped that you and your d had reconected I have been thinking about you and wanted to thank you very much for all of your wise advise one day at a time 

[Thursday]

Hello v -

Much sympathy for you for the loss of your Mom. Glad to hear from you again.

Thursday