Confirmation of BPD for 22yo DD

[yogablue]

I have a question:  is one BPD diagnosis enough to embark on a course of therapy for the disorder?  Should we be seeking a second opinion from another psychiatrist?  I'd be interested to know what other parents/family members think.

My 22DD was diagnosed with BPD by a psychiatrist 2 years ago.  During her childhood she was always sensitive and unfortunately our family had much conflict between DD, her brothers and father.

She avoided school for 3 years staying in her room and never going out of the house, was binge-eating, and became like an enraged animal during her teens, not bathing or brushing her teeth etc.  It was awful.  The rage continued for years.

She's calmed down a lot over the past couple of years, and what puzzles me at this point in time is she actively wants to seek therapy.  This is a result of a recent break-up with her bf (who she is adamant had NPD!)  Is that common to the disorder, as in being aware of it, as I'm new here and still learning.  It seems that many pwBPD deny that there's anything wrong with them, but I guess each individual case is different?

She was diagnosed as high-functioning BPD, but she still can't get her life together and is living on social security, away from home.  She can't get a job, has no skills despite having 3 attempts at college/university which she dropped out of each time.  She's an intelligent girl and sometimes now shows signs of being caring and considerate.  Perhaps she's just moved her focus from her family to her partners?

I'm just conscious of getting the diagnosis correct before embarking on therapy, which is of course so worth it, but will be a very long road for my dd and the family.

Thanks for listening

yogablue 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[ConflictedxAMillion]

With a little research on the nine criteria, I feel most parents know (before any psychiatrist) whether or not BPD is present. 

My sister who is a MSW suggested that my dd may have BPD - this is after years of therapy and being previously diagnosed with major depressive disorder, anxiety, PTSD, and ADHD. 

So I began heavily researching the topic, and after doing so I knew this was what was going on with dd.  They only have to exhibit 5 criteria.  I knew my daughter fit all nine.  About a year, year and a half, I finally got her to agree to go to McLean - where they confirmed my suspicion and confirmed she met all nine criteria.

[jellibeans]

Dear yogblue

If you managed to get a dx of BPD then yes go forward with therapy. he sooner the better! If your dd is seeking help that is a good thing as many times pwBPD resist help. DBT therapy is the best for BPD and it will help her raging and other behaviors. I found that I really needed to change how I interacted with my dd16. I needed to validate, set boundaries and use SET. When we finally found a therapist that my daughter liked is when we saw improvement. I would not get bogged down with if you have the right DX... . my dd DX has changed many times of the years depending who see her etc but the one thing everyone can  agree on is that she needs help. Have you read any of the articles here?


Parents’ “Bill of Rights”

Video--What are the Symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder?

Video--Validation: Encouraging Peace in a BPD Family

Validation--Tips and Traps for Parents

[Eclaire5]

My DD21 meets most of the criteria and was diagnosed with BPD three years ago, as soon as she turned 18. I think we as parents know our children better than any psychiatrist or therapist, and deep down we know if they meet the criteria or not. The fact that your daughter has become more insightful now and is willing to go to therapy does not necessarily mean that she was misdiagnosed. My daughter has always been open to therapy (thank God!) and that’s what has kept her afloat during her worst episodes. She just completed one week of inpatient hospitalization (this is her third hospitalization since she was 16, the first two were just for mental health issues, but this last one was for chemical dependency since she recently told us that she started smoking heroin a few months ago), and is doing very well since she was released. I have never seen her as insightful and ready to take responsibility for her actions.

My advice would be to not worry so much about the diagnosis and just take her up on her decision to get back into therapy. Even if she is not BPD, therapy will help.

[yogablue]

Thanks Eclair, jellibeans and Conflicted, it's great to hear your advice on this from your own experience.  I won't worry so much about the diagnosis but yes, we all know our children well and obviously that there is something seriously wrong.  I'm so pleased to hear Eclair that your dd is doing so well, it gives me hope!

It's encouraging to hear that we're fortunate that my dd is aware, and wants to seek treatment.  That's a very big first step.  I agree jellibeans that the way we interact with our pwBPD is really important and I'm working through the tools here.

We're currently looking for a T in our home town in Australia.  I've recently found a T practiced here called ACT which is CBT is based on mindfulness.  Has anyone heard of it or found it worked?  One T emailed me that it wouldn't take years of T to help her, which worries me a bit as everything I've read here indicates it will!

I've emailed him back with questions like how many BPD patients has he treated, how does he define it and what does he believe causes it.  I think any T who also supports the family would be really important.

Thanks guys

yogablue

[jellibeans]

yogablue

you are wise to do your research and find a T that has some experience with BPD... . this disorder can really frustrate and burn T's out so it is good really ask a lot of questions. One T my dd had was always recommending RTC to us and I found that kind of premature at the time... . she was not overdosing or cutting so we didn't even have a DX of BPD... . so be careful when your T gets tired of dealing with your dd... . I wish I had searched for a new T earlier but I just had the fear of making changes etc... .

Your dd wanting help is really huge... . really the start for her because until they can come to that point it is like hitting your head against a brick wall... .

[yogablue]

Thanks jellibeans, my dd has sought previous T, but until recently I've never known how much she is T 'shopping' or truly wanting to get well, until now.  She has a history of for e.g. wanting to get a script for Ritalin (I suspect as her friend with bi-polar told her it helps lose weight!) and going from psych to psych perhaps laying on the symptoms of ADHD to get it.

As we all know, it's complicated with a pwBPD.  The T I found yesterday practices ACT (acceptance and commitment therapy) and is a psychiatrist as well.  My gut tells me this is a good thing as my dd needs her pharmaceutical therapy in synch with her psychtherapy. 

I gave her the link to his site today and she seemed interested, particularly in the group therapy as well... .   I'm seeing her the day after tomorrow and will see what she thinks.  I'm aware that this must be her choice to engage with.  She seems to be in a place where she wants help, but is too exhausted to look for it and may be happy with anything at this stage.

I'm seeing a psychologist myself tomorrow through my work, and will discuss it with her, as to how I get support for myself.  I do have a fantastic husband (not her father) who is very intuitive and much of what we're already doing with my dd is benefiting her, as in not enabling her.

As always, I appreciate all your thoughts.

Cheers

yogablue