I don't know what to call this crazy past 24 hours.

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

So yesterday was a bad day. I was really missing her bad! I posted and got some good feedback but guess what... I called at 1:30 am. She ansewred and talked for about 10 seconds and hung up. I called back and a guy answered. Call me crazy but I don't think it was a romantic thing. It was her redneck cousin that she drinks and eats pills with when things are really bad. He never told me it was him but I'm almost positive. We had words then he hung up. I called back a few times today and got no answer. She is in a bad place right now. She had a cop call me about harrasment. This was the first time I've called in weeks. I fed right into what she was setting up. She initiated dialogue a few weeks ago but when I call after several weeks the cops get involved. He said he will subpoena our phone records to figure it out. I think if I just leave her alone then it will go away. But so you know. This was the first contact in several weeks and months before that.

So I meet a new girl today. Actually met her a coupe of weeks ago but have been texting today and it's taking off. Thing is, I'm not sure she isn't BPD. I don't want to be over paranoid but I see mirroring going on. She uses my phrases like "what are you up to" and she was watching the same show as me... ... I don't know, my head is so damn warped and I know I needn't pursue a relationship now and I'm not but it's been a good distraction to have someone else to talk to.

I don't have trouble meeting girls at all. I'm a decent looking guy and I have the gift of gab with the ladies but right now my confidence and self esteem are shot to hell. I feel I have nothing to offer right now but this girl is hot and seems cool (just like the evil witch that laid my soul to waste over the last 12 months) and I'm not getting any younger. And honestly I don't have anything to offer. I'm picking up the pieces of my life right now and I sure as hell don't want to come off as that poor guy.

I don't know. I feel better today even after breaking NC and having to deal with the cop. Must be this new girl giving me attention. Any chance I'm the damn BPD?... I've started to think that lately.

[buddy1226]

So yesterday was a bad day. I was really missing her bad! I posted and got some good feedback but guess what... I called at 1:30 am. She ansewred and talked for about 10 seconds and hung up. I called back and a guy answered. Call me crazy but I don't think it was a romantic thing. It was her redneck cousin that she drinks and eats pills with when things are really bad. He never told me it was him but I'm almost positive. We had words then he hung up. I called back a few times today and got no answer. She is in a bad place right now. She had a cop call me about harrasment. This was the first time I've called in weeks. I fed right into what she was setting up. She initiated dialogue a few weeks ago but when I call after several weeks the cops get involved. He said he will subpoena our phone records to figure it out. I think if I just leave her alone then it will go away. But so you know. This was the first contact in several weeks and months before that.

So I meet a new girl today. Actually met her a coupe of weeks ago but have been texting today and it's taking off. Thing is, I'm not sure she isn't BPD. I don't want to be over paranoid but I see mirroring going on. She uses my phrases like "what are you up to" and she was watching the same show as me... ... I don't know, my head is so damn warped and I know I needn't pursue a relationship now and I'm not but it's been a good distraction to have someone else to talk to.

I don't have trouble meeting girls at all. I'm a decent looking guy and I have the gift of gab with the ladies but right now my confidence and self esteem are shot to hell. I feel I have nothing to offer right now but this girl is hot and seems cool (just like the evil witch that laid my soul to waste over the last 12 months) and I'm not getting any younger. And honestly I don't have anything to offer. I'm picking up the pieces of my life right now and I sure as hell don't want to come off as that poor guy.

I don't know. I feel better today even after breaking NC and having to deal with the cop. Must be this new girl giving me attention. Any chance I'm the damn BPD?... I've started to think that lately.

[GreenMango]

Buddy

So yesterday was a bad day. I was really missing her bad! I posted and got some good feedback but guess what... I called at 1:30 am. She ansewred and talked for about 10 seconds and hung up. I called back and a guy answered. Call me crazy but I don't think it was a romantic thing. It was her redneck cousin that she drinks and eats pills with when things are really bad. He never told me it was him but I'm almost positive. We had words then he hung up. I called back a few times today and got no answer. She is in a bad place right now. She had a cop call me about harrasment. This was the first time I've called in weeks. I fed right into what she was setting up. She initiated dialogue a few weeks ago but when I call after several weeks the cops get involved. He said he will subpoena our phone records to figure it out. I think if I just leave her alone then it will go away. But so you know. This was the first contact in several weeks and months before that. 

I'm confused it looks like you had contacted her several times last night, there's a restraining or no contact order, and the cops are subpoena records to verify. 

This could get messy for you.  Are you aware of having a record or incident like this following you around may have? 

As for the other woman.  Jumping into a relationship while you are emotionally tied to this other woman isn't the healthiest way to address the pain from this relationship.  It's too soon to tell if she has BPD tendencies.  Maybe it's time to look at how you are picking these women that may be playing into the dynamic. 

From the detaching lessons on the right margin ----> have a couple of steps where do you think you might be in those steps.

[DiamondSW]

Oh no... . you're not the BPD!

But you're not even remotely slightly minisculey ready to get involved with someone else yet, hot or not.  This pretty girl will be around a long time, she wont just vanish (if she's not BPD) so take your time... .

learn your lesson from the past... . sloowwwww down.  

I found myself today having dinner with two girls from my exBPDgfs church, both mid 20's and cute (I'm early 30's)... .  I don't think (?) they know her... (hope not)  I was a really nice evening with 2 pretty women... .

But here's the thing:  I'm NOT ready!  Not even close.  AND there's a second element.  There's a part of me right now that is still angry and might feel that I would sleep with one of them out of revenge because she has the same name and description of a good friend of my exes that she had in church (same nationality as well)... .  Now what are the chances? (I reckon not out of the Q)

NOW with this thrilling prospect (?), there's one thing I am aware of:  I AM NOT LIKE THAT.  I am also not NOT not going to treat any person, any woman, like THAT, ever.  

I hope you look back at what you've written and realise you're not ready either.  It's so important to treat others with RESPECT, even when we havent been treated with respect for such a long time.  Rise above the evil behaviour and in time you may find yourself with a really hot and loving GF who adores you BECAUSE of how you treat(ed) her.  

ps:  the 'what are you up to's' sounds normal... .  honestly it is normal.  We''re just so confused as to what is normal, again a sign you're not ready.  

[GreenMango]

Buddy starting to ask yourself questions and look inward is great place to step towards self inquiry.  Step 2.  It takes courage.

As far as if you have BPD ... . Many members have asked them self that.  Some do and some don't... . and like many of the partners of members here they can BPD tendencies and not clinical BPD.  Please don't buy into the urban legend that if you can ask yourself if you have BPD means you dont. We are a support group for people who have relationships with people with BPD and the membership struggles with a variety of struggles and sometimes it is BPD or BPD tendencies themselves.

  A good place to start if you are concerned is to start taking some self tests from the Personal Inventory board and to talk to a therapist.  Also looking at the clinical characteristics of the disorder do you see yourself in any of those?

Jumping from emotional attachments to new emotional attachments, struggling with abandonment anxiety may be something to talk to a therapist about.

Do you have a therpist?

[buddy1226]

Mango, I called last night, got hung up on and called again and got the guy. Then a third time to no answer. I called a bunch today with no answer. I do not have a restraining or no contact order. The cop led me to believe that if I stopped everything would be cool but he was still going to subpoena records. Hers and mine because she called a few weeks ago and spent the night here. I really think if I have no more contact then all is good and honestly I'm done. This is exhausting. I'm sick if it all. No matter how good it once was nothing is worth this. The girl I loved is dead. It's the strangest thing to see someone flip like this but whatever. I'm tired if trying to figure our crazy.

[buddy1226]

Thanks Diamond,

I guess I need to clarify. I rush my posts so I can get feedback. I'm so head f!cked after all this.

I'm not at all looking to get into a relationship. NOT AT ALL!. I've simply been flirting and will probably go out with this cutie pie I've met. That has to be healthy. A breath of fresh air?... And I treat everyone with respect. Women especially. I was with a an abusive borderline for crying out loud. I am too nice! But no. I just hope her calling the cops again doesn't spiral out of control.

[Skip]

Any chance I'm the damn BPD?... I've started to think that lately.

Buddy, you are acting dangerously.  You really need to take a big step back tomorrow before something bad happens.  :)o you have a family member or friend you can spend the day with it?

So we moved into a new house this past September. The move was awful and we were fighting bad. The first night in the house she had been drinking she went into a crazy rage and did a lot of insane things. I went to bed thinking she had left when she came back in. She dialed 911 and laid the phone on the counter before coming in the room and picking a fight with me. I didn't say anything that I cared for them to hear but they came to the house as is customary when the call is made. They assessed the situation and left. She apologized the next day. As usual I accepted it and was willing to put it behind us.

A few weeks later the bruises appeared again. We had had a bad week where she flushed her wedding ring, punched me several times in the face and told me she wanted to sleep with other men. She ended up calling the cops as usual and two women cops came out this time. Before they got there she tried to run me over in the car. Long story short is that they took both of us to jail and charged us with CDV. When they asked her about the bruises she apparently told them I did them even though she swears she did not. The next day we went before the bond judge and she spoke up and said we were staying together. She asked me for a clean slate and said she would straighten all this out when we went to court. Of course I agreed and just wanted peace and a happy home. We ended up separating before the court date. We had no contact and I assumed she would go in and tell the truth. They took her back before me and five minutes later they called me back to tell me they were dropping her charged and charging me. I could not believe it. I've got  good lawyer but who would believe this story. You have a girl with bruises and saying I did it. The plays the victim better than anyone you can imagine also.

My advise is to stay far away.  GreenMango is right, you don't want to end up with a record or jail time.   And be careful what you say to a policemen - that's all admissible - best to redirect that to your attorney.

Have either of you filled for divorce?

[buddy1226]

Yeah, I've got a day planned tomorrow, Skip. HOnestly I'm good now. Something hapenned and I don't know what that this has not bothered me so much today. Yesterday was horrible if you read my posts. I really struggled. So much so that I couldn't sleep so I called and the rest is history. It's almost as if it finally hit me. This is a sick person and nothing will make sense nor should I be surprised. I just hope all is okay come monday and the cop sees no reason to subpoena records. Before last night there had been gaps of weeks of NC.

[Skip]

Has a divorce been filed?

[buddy1226]

Has not. She emailed me the papers and I haven't sent them back because it hasn't been a priority with all that has went on. It takes a year here and we can just go before a judge in a year. We were going to fudge it and say we separated last April since we did but got back until November and make it happen fast. I kind of need to see hoe she is going to play these false CDV charges. She says now she isn't going to show that she only was to help but I think it's best she doesn't. She wouldn't help if she did. She ain't going to go in and say she lied. No way.

[PinkieV]

Thanks Diamond,

I've simply been flirting and will probably go out with this cutie pie I've met. That has to be healthy. A breath of fresh air?... And I treat everyone with respect. Women especially.

Involving a new person in your life at this time (and calling her a cutie pie) is not respectful. Do you really want to put someone else even close to the situation you've been in?

[ForeverDad]

Nothing get an officer's or judge's attention more than claims of DV or harassment.  And sadly, gender almost surely makes a difference.  It's like you're in the Minor Leagues and she's in the Major Leagues, who do you think will come out on top?  Hmm?

Everyone here is encouraging you to (1) stop participating in arguments, (2) stop calling her and (3) keep your distance.  Do that and you'll save yourself emotional pain, legal costs and perhaps even jail time or a restraining order.

Sign the papers and let the divorce process proceed, you'll be disconnected from her life that much faster.  Delete her number from your contacts list.  Tape a reminder note onto your phones, "call her and risk arrest".  It's that serious.  Being in contact with her again in any way is like going alone with a plastic disposable butter knife to a gang's street brawl, no way can you win.  And if she gets the professionals to side with her, you're toast.

Remember the theme in Knight and Day?

  With me, you're here (hand held high), without me, you're here (hand held low).

  With me (hand held high), without me (hand held low).

  With me (hand held high), without me (hand held low).

  With me (hand held high), without me (hand held low).

So listen down deep and save yourself from the self-sabotaging path and risks you're prone to take by re-engaging with her again and again.

I've simply been flirting and will probably go out with this cutie pie I've met. That has to be healthy. A breath of fresh air?... . And I treat everyone with respect. Women especially.

Involving a new person in your life at this time (and calling her a cutie pie) is not respectful. Do you really want to put someone else even close to the situation you've been in?

Good points.  You need time to not only recover but also to re-examine and change how you choose your friendships.