Makes no sense

[DavidWebb]

The crazy gets crazier... .

Does anyone have experience with a Judge ordering that the non's SO meet with the xdBPD?  This is outside the scope of the JPA, so I have no idea what legal standing the order has as it relates to my gf... , not even a resident of our state.  I .just would appreciate any ideas what the Judge's thinking could be , other than thinking this might appease xBPD because no contact is driven her off the cliff.  Judge could be thinking that one meeting would get x to stop the contact, but we all know what happens next.

There is a documented history of attempted contact and indirect harassment by XdBPD... . nothing smoking gun, because I have avoided contact at all costs... . documented harassment of x's Unsable husband towards me.  I want to scream right now... . what the heck!  No contact and efforts to have gf avoid attending kiddos sporting and religious events to not incite BPD backfired.

[Matt]

What exactly did the judge order?

What was the situation that led to that order?  Was it your ex asking to meet with your SO?

What does your SO think about this?

[DavidWebb]

Judges order is that I am to facilitate an in person meeting between dBPDx and SO within 60 days.  How I am compelled two other people to do something that they don't want to do is beyond me.  Or how this is in 'best interest of minor children' ?

What led to the order was a series of motions for me to turn over personal info on my SO, that I fought and dismissed all 3.  X asked to meet with SO at the final (3rd) hearing.

My SO will not meet with her.  My x has a history of calling the police in order to harass SO under the guise of concern we were kidnapping the boys, stalking neighbors, and randomly appearing in public places hoping to meet her...   I support SO 100%. 

The Judge acknowledged x's 'obsessive personality traits' but goes off the deepend with this order because I don't see the obsession, conflict, or harassment ending after a meet and greet at Starbucks.  The more I employ no contact the worse x gets.  When I compromise and communicate a little, she rages and lashes out and I find myself in court or getting cheated out of parenting time.

I know it's easy to say that SO should just meet x and get it over.  However the abuse will continue.  Then we will get false accusations, etc etc.

After 6 years of this , I am exhausted  and coming to terms that the best thing might be to move away.

[Matt]

If you move away, how will the kids be affected?

If your SO agreed to a meeting at Starbucks, and you took notes as to what happened - maybe even a photo of them together - in a public place - maybe 5 minutes - what would be the harm?

You could send them both an e-mail (so it's documented) setting the place and time - a public place at a time that neither of them work - and then document that you and SO were there but Ex didn't show up.  Or even go by yourself and document that - maybe bring a friend.

Or maybe SO could come with you to the next hearing, and tell the judge, ":)avid asked me to meet with her, and showed me the court order, but I refused because I do not believe it is safe." (or whatever her reason is).

I think the judge was wrong to order you to do something that is outside your control.  But now you have to deal with it... .

[ForeverDad]

If it's an order and not a settlement then likely you have a couple weeks to file an objection or request for clarification.  What would be a legal objection?  That it's beyond the scope of the court's authority to have a person not married to you - and apparently not even residing with you - to be required to meet with someone he or he doesn't want to meet due to past conflict?

This sounds like judicial overreach in an attempt to mollify one litigant.  Whether it is judicial overreach or not, I don't know.

Long after I was divorced, I reconnected with someone I'd known when younger, long before meeting and marrying my ex.  We hadn't had contact for 20 years, probably longer.  Turns out she had never married.  However, mostly due to the never-ending conflict with my ex, we never got past reconnecting as friends.  She did not want the prospect of a third person people repeatedly intruding in a marriage or just me having to deal with it for many years to come until my son became an adult.  I had to respect her for that.

[Matt]

Seems like maybe the judge can order you to do something - like invite both parties to a meeting - but can't order someone else who is not a party to the case to do something.

If that's what the order says, you can comply by doing what is in your power.

[GaGrl]

If it's an order and not a settlement then likely you have a couple weeks to file an objection or request for clarification.  What would be a legal objection?  That it's beyond the scope of the court's authority to have a person not married to you - and apparently not even residing with you - to be required to meet with someone he or he doesn't want to meet due to past conflict?

This sounds like judicial overreach in an attempt to mollify one litigant.  Whether it is judicial overreach or not, I don't know.

Long after I was divorced, I reconnected with someone I'd known when younger, long before meeting and marrying my ex.  We hadn't had contact for 20 years, probably longer.  Turns out she had never married.  However, mostly due to the never-ending conflict with my ex, we never got past reconnecting as friends.  She did not want the prospect of a third person people repeatedly intruding in a marriage or just me having to deal with it for many years to come until my son became an adult.  I had to respect her for that.

Yes, what ForeverDad said... . completely an overreach.  Actually, to your SO... . pretty insulting.

[DavidWebb]

Thanks... I am still in shock,  and so frustrated.  keeping SO away from kiddos events, away from exchanges, low contact etc was what I was told to do for 5 years by the T.  Police reports, hate mail, police wellness  checks, false accusations in court, hate mail, and 4 court motions post divorce and the no one can grasp that this old  Dad and young boys need some peace and quiet?   

[david]

If you have to arrange the meeting have it with the judge present ( I'm sure he would have no problem with that)(yes sarcasm), inside a police building with plenty of police present,  or with some rock solid witness.

I do agree it makes no sense. I can't see how a judge can order one person to meet with another without any court supervision especially given the history. The judge is putting both parties in danger if he doesn't include some kind of supervision.

I live in Pa. and the State recently made a law for family court that requires a judge to put in writing his reasons for his decision. They are no longer allowed to just make a decision and leave it at that. It's a big change and I think for the positive. 

[Waddams]

Is the judge elected?  Who'd judge run against last time?  I'd make sure every other individual judge had to run against in any primaries both in and out of their own political party was made aware of the decision and order that was issued.

My state has a board for judicial oversight.  Anyone can file a complaint against a judge.  It's very rare because people are afraid to pi$$ off judges, but it can be done.  I'd be awfully tempted to file one over this.  I'm sure with some thought you could creatively come up with how these orders violate some kind of judicial conduct rules.

Then I'd write a lot of letters to newspapers/media/etc. that are active locally.  I'd do everything within my power to bring local public scrutiny on this idiot judge.

[ForeverDad]

What you need to do now is decide what path to take, you'll only have 10 or 14 days to object, appeal or ask for reconsideration.  If you don't do that then the order goes into effect, as I understand it, and of course I'm not a lawyer.  Judges do have discretion in their rulings but this one sounds like a reach, even appeasing to ex.  Some have mentioned posting questions on avvo.com.  Describing your order there might get some responses.  Just be aware that the clock is running.

[DavidWebb]

I have been in court post divorce for 14 months now on 3 motions.   I don't thinking fighting an order or challenging the Judge will do anything for boys, SO or me.

I think I am leaning  towards  the path of being oblivious.  If Judge wants to put this on the top of her list, so be it.  I simply arrange a meeting per the order and if the parties show up, they show up.  The Judge has not enforced any of the other mtions, direction, etc so her past actions tell me that in 3 mos BPD will file a fourth contempt charge, I will not appear, and Judge will shrug and tell BPD L that she can't force someone to do something (like she told BPD)

.  This isn't a visitation, child support, DV issue.  How much more time does Judge want to spend?   Besides, she could easily get transferredf and I could get new Judge.

I am not going to worry about the cour, nor challenge something so insignificant.  Let them bring fight to me and I can always counter with continunces and other BPD delay tactics s that frustrate us all.

[Nope]

.  This isn't a visitation, child support, DV issue.  How much more time does Judge want to spend?   Besides, she could easily get transferredf and I could get new Judge.

I am not going to worry about the cour, nor challenge something so insignificant.  Let them bring fight to me and I can always counter with continunces and other BPD delay tactics s that frustrate us all.

That's very true. You have the option to pick how much you want to play this game. I'll have to remember that later. Sometimes jumping to do the "right thing" is actually the wrong thing.