In crisis need support

[Pipedreamer25]

So I am having a really awful night.  My dBPDbf is having another one of his episodes but this one feels different.   When he has these episodes it's like dealing with a sociopath he is so distressed and angry.  He is suicidal,  he advises that life has only gotten worse since moving in with me that he can't be with me and needs to leave.  Only three hours ago he was cooking for me and telling me how much he loves me.  I wish I could accurately describe just how my h this isn't what he wants or is like the majority of the time.  I believe it's an unconscious plot to remove himself from the responsibility of a serious relationship.  I wish I could capture him properly to describe how odd this is.  He says he is going to move out and I'll never see him again.  I'm hurting so bad,  usually these sort if episodes pass but it feels different this time.  Normally when he is like this he has been using drugs,  he'd been drinking but only a small amount in his terms.  I just can't stand this,  I'm really,  really lost.  I just want the beautiful boy I k ow to come back but feel as if he is flipping away. 

[MissTajo]

Stay strong. The things he is saying is not towards you. He doesn't even mean them, im sure. It happends to me a lot to and in the end he just says: How can you tolerate the horrible things I tell you when Im in my dark place? And I just respond that love makes me stay and be patient.

You bf is having those rages not against you but against himself.

Ask him what is he feeling? Why is he feeling that? Keep a lower voice and be patient.

You've been trough this before. <3

[Pipedreamer25]

Thank you Miss T,  those words mean a lot.  Just every other time he has gone through that I have stayed with him until his moods were at least manageable this time I had a commitment I couldn't get out of and left.  He called a crisis line and now the police are trying to find him.  He has gone to an old girlfriends place for the night.  I have no idea what's happening and I'm just hurting so bad.

[maxsterling]

I'm so sorry to hear you are dealing with this.  The instability/chaos associated with BPD sucks the life out of us.  The only thing that helps me is to think about myself and what I like to do.  Thinking about the pwBPD or the relationship is just a bottomless pit.

It's hard to see someone you love and care for in such distress, and I can see that you are worried. I would be worried, too.  Just remember you are not responsible for his behavior. 

[MissTajo]

Thank you Miss T,  those words mean a lot.  Just every other time he has gone through that I have stayed with him until his moods were at least manageable this time I had a commitment I couldn't get out of and left.  He called a crisis line and now the police are trying to find him.  He has gone to an old girlfriends place for the night.  I have no idea what's happening and I'm just hurting so bad.

Do you trust him? Do you know the person he is staying at? Who told you about is whereabouts? Is the police talking to you?

[Pipedreamer25]

Thank you're sterling for your kind words. i haven't been great at taking care of myself and  still learning too.

Miss T the police are talking to me,  apparently some of the things he said have been taken very seriously I have kept them informed.  I spoke with him about. 11pm last night he said he was with his friend.  He sounded clearer but very detached.  I just want to meet him when he is in a clear state of mind.  What so you mean by trust sorry?

[Clearmind]

Pipe, you sound confused yet if he's diagnosed BPD can I suggest you learn more about the illness.

Leaving and staying elsewhere when he is like that is the best thing you can do for you

[Pipedreamer25]

He has just left me. . . I'm so devestated.  I don't even know what to do

[goingtostopthis]

Pipedreamer,

           Do you know this person he is staying with.  Does she know how he gets?  Can you call her to check up on whats going on?  Is there anyone you can stay with through this so you dont have to be alone? Do you remember what the last thing you two were talking about right before he flipped?

                    Its like everyone else has been saying.  Youve got to be thinking of yourself right now.  See if you can find something to focus on that will distract from thinking about this for awhile. Go out and buy yourself something to eat,maybe something sweet,  it may calm you down.  Its best to stay away from him right now anyways,  so if you know where he is and know hes ok,   practice giving this to God and let your self rest and relax now. Tomorrow will be better. 

[Pipedreamer25]

Thank you for all your kind words.  I am staying with a friend. Bf wants to break up and I feel beyond awful he isn't being reasonable at all.  These next few days are gonna be so hard.  Any tips, strategies, experiences or support would be really helpful.  Thank you so much