Im ready and guilty about leaving her

[readytogo]

My decision is made Im done with my wBDF. Its been almost a year of enduring bouts of heavy drinking (to rebel against me), told Im too controlling, a poor father and husband.

This despite the changes made to our domestic life and trying to be more attentive, not that I already wasnt.

Separate rooms, lack of contact, and bewilderment now that I am suggesting splitting the family assets. All tugging at my heart strings not hers. Is this BPD behaviour?

After a few weeks of being on this forum it seems like I am beating myself up because of the intense feelings I have for her even after 30+ years of marriage which are making me stay.

Were these years as happy for her as they were for me, I am constantly asking my self this.

My family and work colleagues have been ostracised to the point where she will not see them any more.

Feeling lonely and sad which just makes me angry whenever we have a talk. Broken heart? yes

Is my situation of a long marriage and then being in the 'hater' stage a BPD trait?

Thanks to this forum I have learned a few skills and can get through the rough periods.

Hopefully enough until the split is settled.

Readytogo.

[Surnia]

Hi readytogo

A break up is never easy and even more difficult after such a long marriage!

There is so much to think about internally and on the material side.

What are your next steps?

Do you have a therapist on your side?

[readytogo]

Hi Surnia

I am currently not seeing a therapist but have in the past.

My legal advisor asked me if I had exhausted all avenues of reconciliation.

Thought long and hard and read the posts about deception and lies.

This is not the girl that I married, some days I deal with two people, one reasonably normal/coherent in the mornings and someone completely different in the evenings, when she is not in her room alone on the internet or playing a computer game.

wBPD thinks my sharing of thoughts, concerns, worries about her with close associates 'is wrong on all levels'.

Also thinks her inappropriate texting to another male 'friend' is not wrong.

Unfortunately this is a breach of trust in my view especially as it is going on behind my back.

It is often the cause of arguments with constant denials from wBPD that nothing is happening.

Just need to sort my affairs and ensure family  is ok then that's me gone

Just cannot see a resolution

Thanks

Readytogo

[HealingForMe]

I'd strongly suggest seeing a therapist, They will help you work through your emotions & help you to see answers you seek.

Good luck & stay strong 

[Aussie0zborn]

It's quite normal to feel guilty when we are in the FOG and we've been conditioned to make our pwBPD happy at the expense of our own happiness. Unfortunately in these relationships its never genuinely reciprocated.

I can't answer your questions except to say the bewilderment that you should want to split your assets falls into the BPD realm of entitlement. It sounds like you are ready to end the nonsense. After 30 years I hope you can find a quick path to healing and wish you well.