Professionals who do not "get" what it is like living with a BPD...

[theplotthickens]

So I took my 17 yo in for her med review (no changes needed), and the specialist wants me to talk about all of dd's behaviors/symptoms in front of her.  A-hem, that is not happening because there will be hell to pay if I "talk" and make her seem "crazy."  I am paying $200 out of pocket for a 10 minute, AT MOST, consultation.  During which, I have to insist on seeing her alone, as I do not want to discuss certain things in front of my daughter to upset her, give her reason to rage when I get home, or trigger a downward spiral. 

She gives me three minutes.  THREE.  And that'll be $200.  I share the behaviors/mood trends, etc and the CNS says nothing.  NOTHING. She gives me a disinterested, disapproving look and  just shows me the door and walks me out.   

We have a good med regimen going, that was designed at dd's last University hospitalization, but I have to say that the uncaring manner of professionals makes me wonder why they went into this field.  I wish they could "get" that parents are living this mental illness with their kids, and a little empathy and support would sure go a long way!

Grrrrrrrrrrrrr

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[maxen]

that's disgraceful.

i'm not sure why psychiatrists don't understand. this isn't the only time i've heard this. psychology is part of psychiatry, yes?

if you're paying out of pocket, can you look for a different one? i have to say, mine gives me the 45 minutes. so they're out there.

[theplotthickens]

Getting an adolescent psych who is taking new patients is easier said than done.  There are only a few in our metro area!  Many are full-on rude to parents, and treat them with suspicion, and/or take them off all their meds because everyone else was wrong.

My 17 yo likes her, so as long as she prescribes the meds my dd needs, I am tolerating her.  I have tried having open communication with her for years, with no success.  She believes the child should be in charge of the med regimen, LOL! 

Still frustrates me.  They are so accommodating to the kids (what they say is the gospel truth, dontcha know!), and act so suspicious of what parents say. 

If she writes the prescriptions, that is all we need.  In the end, she is merely our drug dealer, I guess.  That is horrible to say,   but that is what helps me tolerate the rudeness.   

[theplotthickens]

I also have found psychs are a different "breed."  So arrogant.  And they know we NEED them!

[maxen]

They are so accommodating to the kids (what they say is the gospel truth, dontcha know!), and act so suspicious of what parents say.

that's because parents are bourgeois oppressors, of course. 

[MammaMia]

Theplotthickens

I do not believe promoting good doctor/patient relationships has been taught in Med school like it used to be. Today, many physicians appear arrogant and rude.  Most of their legwork is done by physician assistants or nurses and direct physician time is strictly regulated.  The focus is on quantity not quality.

This is particularly sad when it comes to psychiatrists and psychologists.  Mental illness is not always obvious like a sore throat.  It requires time, compassion, and trust.   

If your dd likes her therapist, that is one thing that works in her favor.  Perhaps their relationship is different when she comes alone.  I do not understand why parents are often made to feel neurotic and insignificant.  Parents can contribute valuable information their children will not volunteer.

I just do not get it.

[BioAdoptMom3]

No, most do not seem to get it at all - you are right!  Our last therapist also would always want us to come in and talk together before meeting with DD alone.  We are fortunate in that our 14 y/o DD does not like to do that, so we didn't most of the time.  Your concerns about raging and being upset for the rest of the day when you say certain things really hits home.  I am surprised they seem to insist on these meetings.  You would think after meeting with a lot of patients who have this or similar illnesses they would begin to catch on!   

[co.jo]

Can you write a letter explaining your concerns and ask for a phone call? I have found that to work with doctors sometimes.

[raytamtay3]

I HATE when they asked questions in front of my DD! I haven't read too far in, but this struck a nerve with me. No, they don't know what it's like living with someone with BPD at all.

[qcarolr]

In my personal experience, esp. when my DD27 was at this younger age, she convinced all careproviders that dh and I were evil abusive monsters. I could actually see the change in their entire communication (words, tone, body language) after that first visit. And DD could often come across as smart and logical with the T, at least for a few visits.

She has not continued with a T once they start to get too close to her real issues, and ask her to take ANY RESPONSIBILITY for her part in a relationship.

So for your D to take an interest in taking the meds. and participating in the sessions is a big plus from my perspective. Share what you can then let it go. It is important that the T and pdoc get both sides of the story.

qcr

[crumblingdad]

Ohhh this topic makes my blood boil.  It's very true and before my DD went off to the West Coast we never did find a decent psychiatrist for her.  Well we found one but he could only treat her if she was enrolled in an intensive outpatient group therapy program which was doing her more harm then good.

The psych we did have was the same way, would only see me with her present and talked over most anything I had to say.  He once tried convincing both me and her mom she had ADD and we both didn't see it and felt it was possible but very unlikely.  My daughter went right along with it and got herself a wonderful adderall prescription out of it - which I had to stop picking up the refill for and tell her no since she was drug seeking and getting high off the adderral (which she later went to a different psych and said yeah I had adderall cuz I told him what he wanted to hear so I could get myself some adderall but my dad is a pain in the butt and figured it out)

Her therapist was independent and spent over 6 weeks trying to connect and consult with him as she suspected BPD but he never returned her calls.  My DD was undiagnosed at time she was seeing him and SHE came to him with me once and said "my grandmother (who's a nurse practitioner and worked in recovery and mental health for 25 years) told me she thinks I have borderline personality disorder and says you should prescribe Seroquel at night for me.  He looked at her and said "ok that seems reasonable" and wrote the script.  I remember sitting in awe and we'd leave and my DD used to laugh and say "you two are like a train wreck in the same office trying to talk to each other, I've never seen anyone talk over you and treat you like you're an idiot like that - but it's kinda funny to watch."

So I don't know what it is with the field of psychiatry as it relates to BPD but the level of arrogance is astonishing and the number of psych's suffering from absolute incompetence is even more stunning in my personal experience.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[MammaMia]

Book smart and totally lacking in common sense.  Amen.