BPD SO runs away

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

My wife was diagnosed a year ago with BPD, though she refused to accept it, claiming she only has severe depression. I brought the old diagnosis up again a few weeks ago, when she was charging me with being an ineffective communicator. This was two days after my son was hospitalized with a severe illness. My response was emotional. My son is recovering, but my wife became enraged that I brought up the old diagnosis, and declared that I obviously think she is nuts.

She left, ostensibly to get some sun, but it was the week after my son came home from the hospital. I am overwhelmed, working two jobs and taking care of my son and the house. Is this running away typical behavior?

She threatens it often, and has run off a couple of other times, when she has become upset with me. Those lasted just a couple of days. This has been several weeks. on her first week away, I told her I did not have the energy to deal with us right now, as my focus was on my son. She concluded from that comment that I meant we were through, so she said she would get a job where she was. I don't expect that will happen, but I am overwhelmed by the over-reactions and by this running away. It always quickly becomes something I said or did that has caused the latest crisis.

[jadedcat]

My wife was diagnosed a year ago with BPD, though she refused to accept it, claiming she only has severe depression. I brought the old diagnosis up again a few weeks ago, when she was charging me with being an ineffective communicator. This was two days after my son was hospitalized with a severe illness. My response was emotional. My son is recovering, but my wife became enraged that I brought up the old diagnosis, and declared that I obviously think she is nuts.

She left, ostensibly to get some sun, but it was the week after my son came home from the hospital. I am overwhelmed, working two jobs and taking care of my son and the house. Is this running away typical behavior?

She threatens it often, and has run off a couple of other times, when she has become upset with me. Those lasted just a couple of days. This has been several weeks. on her first week away, I told her I did not have the energy to deal with us right now, as my focus was on my son. She concluded from that comment that I meant we were through, so she said she would get a job where she was. I don't expect that will happen, but I am overwhelmed by the over-reactions and by this running away. It always quickly becomes something I said or did that has caused the latest crisis.

[123Phoebe]

Hi jadecat, is your son feeling okay now?  I'm so glad he's in recovery mode

It always quickly becomes something I said or did that has caused the latest crisis.

The latest crisis could lurk around any corner   It's an emotional overload, lobbing balls of confusion as far as I can tell, with a close and personal Velcro strip to attach them to--  that would be you

Try to stay centered and don't beat yourself up for responding emotionally   Your son needs you

[Pecator]

Thank-you for this topic JC.

I am new here, this is only my second post.

I can't imagine how you are feeling. You have so much more at stake.

My SO is not diagnosed, but many of the traits ring true. The one that I have not seen a lot discussed here is "running away."

My partner has suddenly broken off the relationship several times. They come at times of stress out of our control…but then with the narrative of the breakup being something I said or did.

I don't know if this is part of the self-harm trait? Or that the love I fight for is unsustainable?

But it sure does not fit the clingy trait. She puts up impenatrable walls.

I hope others can speak to this topic

[kfifd196]

Looking back, my wife ran away back to her parents home, after almost EVERY Major argument.  If she didn't do that, she would lock herself in the bedroom or bathroom, where I would sit outside the door talking patiently to her, as she wept uncontrollably on the floor.  She was a "mess" at times.  Sometimes, for hours, she would cry and hurl insults and accusations at me, to the point I would have to leave to clear my head for a bit.  She would then accuse me of abandoning her and our unborn baby and now blames me for ruining "her" pregnancy.  I was very into the pregnancy and becoming a father and being by my wife's side, but she made it so difficult and blamed it ALL on me.  We were on vacation one weekend and were eating dinner, when she got mad and ran off, into the city... . I spent an hour looking for her!  Is this normal for BPD's?

[jadedcat]

All I can say is it has happened several times to me. At times of great angst, she will bolt. Once, after accusing me falsely of having an affair, she left, disappeared for several days. That was difficult to explain to our children.

Seems to be a result of not being able to handle conflict and the need to somehow remain in control. She over-reacts, then flees, so I am supposed to chase her or at least to apologize profusely for "causing " her to leave.

Tiring of it.

[kfifd196]

Pecator- As far as the clingy goes, that's usually toward the beginning of the relationship, as they "reel you in".  They will do anything and everything for you, because they idolize you and don't want to lose you.  I feel they fear you will see them for who they are, so the only way to mask it is to drown you in love!  My BPD Wife was the most caring, creative, loving girl I'd ever met... . until she knew she had me... . then the rages would pop up, the abandonment issues, constant need for validation and lonliness, etc... . every trait.  Clinginess still occurred, but usually after a rage, I think to hook me back in... . Then, she painted me black and I was "the most evil person she'd ever met", "an awful husband and father", "we never had any good times", she's "Sorry I ever met you and are the worst relationship I've ever been in"... . And it gets nastier... . I felt like a piece of trash by the time she was done and I ACCEPTED 100% Responsibiility for ALL of the Faults in our relationship!  It wasn't till after she left, I learned of BPD and saw, that I WAS NOT THE SOLE PROBLEM... .

I've tried chasing her in the past and apologized and she came back within a day or two.  I've tried it this time again, but now, nothing is working and I fear she's gone for good... . Will she return?  We have a 10 month old, so I hope for her sake we can try again, but she's filed for divorce, so I don't know what to think... . She bolted to her parent's house and they are enablers, in denial, even though they "warned me" a bit a year ago, subtely... .