Thank you Topsy Turvy and Rapt Reader - appreciate the support from a like-minded group.
I have been lost in Oz. Sorry for the silence, have been trying to find the yellow brick road out. Actually, I have prayed a lot for guidance. To cope, I go to the gym after work. Taking a tough Strike class or Tabata has been a sanity saver for me. Otherwise I would get a headache with all this stress. Grandbaby goes to the childcare (LOVES it - they ADORE her). Have not been on bpdfamily - sorry.
Really, though, family events in the cycle have worsened. At times, DH and I can joke about it, but this past month, it's not been so funny.
Have had another police call-out, as I found her asleep (completely baked) and burning incense. I had the pot in my hand and she still denied it. Holding it for a friend. Screaming, threatening. Big episode. The baby was in her crib, awake, when I came home to all that. She then has baby in her arms, baby is then screaming. DD gives me baby (DD is pretty out of it) and she gets on phone with DH. He is in the middle of his work day as well, and is out of state on business, trying to calm her down. And she says we treat her like she is 15, by the way.
So I call police. DH and I had been talking and he said to call (he overheard DD and the baby screaming etc) I have the weed in a bottle, in my hand. The police told me that there is not much they can do since it's possession in a home (no search warrant), and said we could evict them. They told her to stop messing around, and they would start a CPS file on the grandchild. But the cops mentioned to me, separately, that our home is a shangri-la and the baby shows no signs of neglect. He admitted, "There are just a lot of deadbeat parents. I see them every day. And you as a grandparent are in a pickle." Cop and I both stood there, shaking our heads. As grandparents, we have to put up with the for the sake of this precious angel, the one smiling at me and offering me Cheerios from her highchair.
DD stays because she is in Cosmetology School at night. She will finish in December.
Then last week, I noticed she is out of her meds (prozac, adderall). Adderall gone a week early. But I found tiny white pills in her nightstand, without a prescription. I ask her about them, since grandbaby can get to them possibly. Big episode. Blahblahblah.
Last weekend, all our family had an event. Her sisters, who are near her age, are unaware of her current status. They are away at college and I am not dumping this crap on them. Well, they BOTH asked us if she was high. She was off in the bathroom an excessive amount of time, and talked non-sequencially the entire visit. It was obvious the answer was YES.
So the next day, knowing she had a doc appt on Monday, DH called the family doc. Family doc does not know of BPD diagnosis (Background: we moved here from out of state, the diagnosis was only classified as a mood disorder back in our previous state. Pysch there said that at 17yo, she would not want to label DD as a Pers Disorder diag yet. But psych back in home state advised that I prepare for a long journey, because DD is in fact BPD. She knew family history, etc.). Family doc needed to know she is out of meds but we are suspicious of drug use. Doc uncharacteristically abrupt in her response to DH, due to privacy laws. But at the actual appt, she is tough on DD. She tells DD that Dad called (thanks - another episode). Doc says, I am sure you are clean. DD says 'Of course'. So DD takes a drug test. DD comes home, angry, announcing that she is clean. I told her,":)D, that's not a pregnancy test. They will send the specimen to the lab." That news was a bit of a surprise
DH is such a good and logical 'counselor' - he is able to get to the bottom of things in a way that is sensible, rational, and caring. His main points in this most recent conversation after the Family Doc visit were 1-We are not trying to take her baby away (her accusation) And 2-We are concerned and do not want to see DD in a position where her behavior causes the baby to be at risk. If it were just her in the home, we would have thrown her out awhile ago. She is aware that she stays because of baby.
We are concerned for her, beyond what we can see in her free time. After school ends at 10pm, she is usually unaccountaed for til 12:30am. I have left out some smaller lying episodes, for the sake of time. But that is a portion of the situation, as she is in school M-F eves. She is drama - always has been. Probably not the best career path for her emotionally, but she truly has that creative flair and is talented. If she survives this high-risk behavior, she could make something of this career!
We have never met this BF of hers. He is older than her, clean and responsible, but she has been with him since the fall. And she LIVES with us. She told us it is a "day-to-day" relationship, but when BF and DH spoke on the phone, BF is completely committed to her. That is, IMHO, the 'her' she has shown him. She's keeping all these worlds rather separate, still.
Since the doc visit, of course, she has snapped back into Functioning mode. Back on meds. Just texted me to meet for lunch.
It's only been about 24 hours in Functioning mode.
Have a great day, boardmembers. Thanks for listening.
