Confused about "unofficial " diagnosis

[Elbry]

My daughters med manager, a psychiatric nurse practitioner told me months ago she was thinking my DD has a personality disorder but can't be diagnosed until she is 18.  My DD14 was in the hospital last week after a suicide attempt and the Psychiatrist there told me that for her purposes she was using an Axis 2 diagnosis of BPD but she couldn't officially diagnose my daughter because she is not 18.  Then her therapist quit on her, told me point blank that my daughter has BPD, handed me a printout explaining BPD, and said, it isn't official until she is 18.  MY OWN therapist told me she has BPD but that noone will diagnose her until she is 18 because some of the symptoms are things all adolescents have anyway and they are developmentally appropriate for adolescents, like not having a sense of self. 

Then I come here and read the boards and see so many of you have children diagnosed way before they are 18.  Is it because of where I live, just around here they don't diagnose them?  I don't want 3 plus years to go by without her getting proper treatment because she hasn't been OFFICIALLY diagnosed.  It is absolutely absurd for them to keep telling me this "unofficially".  She either has BPD or she doesn't. This is ridiculous.  I certainly believe she does. I worked for a while as Psych Tech on a unit and I saw many pwBPD.  Anyone else run across this?  I feel like I am going to have to really fight to get her proper treatment.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[jellibeans]

Elbry

I would not get caught up with DX... . many of the kids here have a DX of emerging BPD... . or mood disorder... . it really doesn't matter what they put on paper... . it is more important to get them the help they need. Don't focus on that. I know at 3East Mccleans hopsital they would give you a DX of BPD but not all P agree with this label at a young age.

My dd16 at times has been so out of control... . cutting, suicide attempts, lying, skipping school, depression, ODD , etc... . but if you looks at my daughter today she might not have that many traits of BPD... . this disorder is like a roller coaster... . always changing. That is the puzzling part... . teaches me to be patient and to wait... . usually she will change what she is doing before I can do anything... . I know it must be frustrating but it really is not important what they say... . you know your dd the best... . as long as you tell her doctors what is going on they will help her regardless of her DX... .

[trainwreck4]

Hi there!  We have had a recent rough patch with our daughter recently, but at fourteen she was exactly like yours and I was so frustrated with the system for not putting a name to the beast that had stolen our daughter. But I have to agree that after awhile, sometimes symptoms disappear, and she seems to be rotating through less of the symptoms. This is good news!  So she is diagnosed with emerging symptoms, but we are in a totally different (and better!) place now. Gone is the cutting, gone are the suicidal ideations... .   She is still not ok, but I am not in the completely paranoid state I was in fir at least two years. Children's Aid told us to ride it out and that their frontal lobes are rewiring at this stage. This is a terribly scary time if they are like our kids. I came to the conclusion that I didn't need a label, I just needed to manage her symptoms... .

[BioAdoptMom3]

Our DD14 was also unofficially diagnosed with BPD by several therapists and her psychiatrist, however they call it BPD traits rather than just "Borderline Personality Disorder".  Ours is adopted and was an abandoned baby, so in our case they cannot be 100% sure whether it is true BPD, or abandonment issues presenting themselves as BPD traits.  To make it even more confusing for us, this weekend she went to residential treatment and the psych there who has 28 years experience as a child psych says he is almost 100% sure we are dealing with bipolar illness.  I hope he is right, but I don't know what to think now.  She too has just about every BPD trait except for rage, though there has been some verbal rage I guess you could say when she hasn't gotten something she wanted or was confronted about something on the serious side.  I feel your pain with the day to day living with someone who has these traits and at the same time, being confused about the actual diagnosis.  However that aside, a therapist who is trained in BPD techniques can go ahead and treat it as such because the therapy would be beneficial to anyone!  So, why not employ the appropriate therapy either way?  I would search out a therapist who has experience with personality disorders and let her get the appropriate treatment.  It can't hurt!