Moving out of the bedroom on the weekends?

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Here is a thread from L5 that I wanted to bring over here to ask about: 

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Re: Separate rooms common?

« Reply #23 on: Today at 07:40:20 AM »

Reply with quoteQuote 

Quote from: whatstheuse on March 14, 2014, 01:31:37 PM

I agree with empathic, Its been more than 20 years in my own room. My wife is a poor sleeper which she blamed on me. Now, it's her problem. I do snore so I am sure that I did  bothered her. However, other things she complained about didn't exist. I quite frankly like this arrangment. This has been a nonfactor in our relationship.\, although i do miss the clossness at times

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Yes, same here. Every time she had too little sleep she'd be dysregulated in the morning and blame it on me. Now she can't blame it on anyone else but herself. That's why I'm rather reluctant to move in there again, because I can assure you that in one or two nights she'll go back to blaming me again.

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I moved to the couch three days ago.  In the past I had been blamed for her poor sleep despite her meds .  I'm the snorer, I am keeping her awake, etc.  Waking up to Morning Dysregulation... . like a bad cuppa coffe.

So tonight , its Friday night and the kids usually wake up early Saturday and go down to watch tv ---on the couch.

Should I just let them find me there and tell them I kept Mommy snoring or should I sleep in our bedroom?

I am in need of my space.

I have too much on my plate.

I have plans to proceed slowly with a separation, for the kids sake.  Their T wrote back to me this morning, stating she would be happy to guide us both through the process. 

 

[gary seven]

Here is a thread from L5 that I wanted to bring over here to ask about: 

-----------------------------

Re: Separate rooms common?

« Reply #23 on: Today at 07:40:20 AM »

Reply with quoteQuote 

Quote from: whatstheuse on March 14, 2014, 01:31:37 PM

I agree with empathic, Its been more than 20 years in my own room. My wife is a poor sleeper which she blamed on me. Now, it's her problem. I do snore so I am sure that I did  bothered her. However, other things she complained about didn't exist. I quite frankly like this arrangment. This has been a nonfactor in our relationship.\, although i do miss the clossness at times

//////

Yes, same here. Every time she had too little sleep she'd be dysregulated in the morning and blame it on me. Now she can't blame it on anyone else but herself. That's why I'm rather reluctant to move in there again, because I can assure you that in one or two nights she'll go back to blaming me again.

---------------

I moved to the couch three days ago.  In the past I had been blamed for her poor sleep despite her meds .  I'm the snorer, I am keeping her awake, etc.  Waking up to Morning Dysregulation... . like a bad cuppa coffe.

So tonight , its Friday night and the kids usually wake up early Saturday and go down to watch tv ---on the couch.

Should I just let them find me there and tell them I kept Mommy snoring or should I sleep in our bedroom?

I am in need of my space.

I have too much on my plate.

I have plans to proceed slowly with a separation, for the kids sake.  Their T wrote back to me this morning, stating she would be happy to guide us both through the process. 

 

[Waddams]

I slept in a basement bedroom during an extended period after I caught uPDxw cheating.  then we tried to patch things up, then I slept down there again while she was still in the house after i filed for divorce.

With S9, I'd have him come down and sleep with me on a mattress we put on the floor.  Made it kind of like a slumber party.  Late night movies, popcorn, etc.

If you need to sleep somewhere she isn't, then do it.  The kids can learn to work around you, and you can figure out some things to do with them too.  Just takes some positive thinking.

[ForeverDad]

Sometimes the kids grow up in an ever-changing environment leaving them disconnected and clueless, but more likely "the walls have ears" and they already know or sense a lot.  So don't try to hide the reality from the children.  Age-appropriate explanations of course.  Just don't invalidate their observations or in the years to come they may not trust their observations and become leaves blown in the wind.

[gary seven]

Great idea about slumber party... .

And the correctness about "the walls have ears."  the kids have been subject to many years of her screaming and yelling that I am sure it is second nature.  I do think the reality will need to be divulged. 

But here she was talking to me at lunch (phone call I initiated to see if she saw my email for the weekend plans), about how "things were going well prior to my sinus infection in February, and I know you ( meaning me) are angry, but you know things will get better soon with the meds and my therapy."

Yeah right.  Two of my three kids have run away from home.  It's enough already.

So after dinner tonight, the kids and I are going to make some planting beds in the old terraced garden.  I got a bunch of potting soil, weed block and 5 pairs of gloves.  We're gonna get dirty.  My pwBPD is not being excluded tonight, she can join is if she wants.  I think the kids will be thrilled.