What do I do?

[Jb101]

She's smart, beautiful, successful career and well off. When things are good it's great, we've had some amazing times. We genuinely have many things we agree on and similar goals. She's very high functioning and in the good times a delight to be with... . it's part of why it's such a hard decision. I hate us taking space atm, her mother is visiting her and I can see the catch 22 about to play out if I just don't contact her for the week. Everything will be my fault and if her mother then agrees she'll build it up in her head that she needs to see other people. But I also want space to think, I just feel like if I'm proactive it'll deny me time to think and come across as needy, and if I ignore her until she contacts it will be after that catch 22 and a done deal no matter what I think... .

[Jb101]

One thing it might be worth mentioning - the other week when she said she wants space. I said well if you want to we can, but if what you really mean is you don't want this and it's making you unhappy and you don't see that changing, I'm happy to be the one strong enough to make a call and end it, just let me know how you feel. She said no, she's just mixed up atm, and not sure if she can see a future or not. Which is when I said fine, we'll take space, maybe see each other once a week and see how we feel in a few weeks. Doesn't mean I don't hate not having talked to her for the last couple of days. But I did put it on the table that we could just end it if she was unhappy. The second guessing in me thinks she wanted to, but wanted to wait and feel more comfortable with it ending though...

[goldylamont]

you know there's nothing wrong with waiting a couple of days and maybe sending her a text, wishing her well while she's with her mother. not asking for anything but just a short text--this could set the precedent that you're not trying to ignore her. and since you're not asking to meet or anything, just letting her know she crossed her thoughts then it doesn't come across as needy. but if you feel like you personally need NC then you can do this for yourself also... . depends on how you feel.

i does sound like your SO is confused about what she wants, and this happens even in non-abusive relationships. and in either case i think you respecting her space is the best thing to do. again though, from reading your previous posts, be on the lookout for your ex hooking up with other people. you mentioned to her that if she wanted to breakup that you would be strong enough to follow through-- this is all and well, but i went through this twice with my ex--she didn't tell me when she started anybody, never. we weren't even arguing and i assured her plenty of times that i wouldn't react negatively. still, if i asked she would lie or belittle me instead of just telling the truth. both times i figured it out for myself. so, just stay aware that:

(1) if she is pwBPD it's highly unlikely that she will be alone to "work on herself" or figure things out. part of the condition is the inability to be alone. just understand that one of the most common lies pwBPD tell when being unsure about a r/s is that they are taking time to work on themselves when in actuality they are actively seeking comfort in others.

(2) do *not* count on her giving you any info or to be honest in any way about her whereabouts or to tell you anything if she starts seeing someone else. the only way you will likely find out is through friends, her facebook, or if she finally tells you after she's already sealed the deal and just wants to tell you to twist the knife a little more. it's cold blooded but it's how many of them roll. it's simply about them only caring about their own interests--from her perspective she may see no personal gain from cutting you off as a possible fallback until she's "in love" with someone new

[Jb101]

Lovely night... . feeling like crap.

Went to her house after she asked me over. Her mother was there and was lovely. She got drunk. Said it was late, I have work, better go... begged me to stay the night. Came back in for a drink.

Her mother goes inside... . after she's away from us said she feel nothing and we were nothing. Started taking like we were over etc. so I leave.

Get the following texts... .

"I'm sorry for wasting your time this evening. It was a test and you failed."

" I am so angry at him" (I believe referring to her father that didn't love her, but who knows... . )

"I need a man that can have sex with me."

"Sorry"

Within the space of 15 minutes... .

I think we're done unfortunately... . :-(