Nightmares

[myself]

Posting this on the Detaching board as the dreams all have my ex in them and I know this has to do with continuing to detach. Dealing with the fears, doubts, and changes in my life. Even while sleeping.

Have been having nightmares every night. The ex is lying, cheating, having kids with someone else. She's chasing me, yelling at me. Her eyes are frightening. She's a monster that's half machine and her batteries never run out. Materializes with a sword and a cackle. In one, she aimed the sun at me and tried to burn me with it.

It's been a few weeks of this, and I haven't had much sleep. I take a nap and have a bad dream during the day. Wake up thinking about her every time, and want to not be doing that. I want to not be so tied to the past. I've been moving on, making definite progress, but there's still this junk left over in my brain and heart.

I'm asking, what do you do when this happens? Is it something I just need to ride out?

I try going to bed early, getting extra sleep. Pay attention to my breathing, go through lists of what I'm grateful for, thankful for. Staying up until I'm exhausted. Reading, watching movies, going for a walk. Other ways to distract/fulfill myself.

Nothing is working. I'm tired of being tired. Tired of these nightmares.

[Paul M]

I'm 6 week no contact and the dreams are now rare. I had one a couple if nights ago that u was marrying her and when I put the ring in her finger she changed unto somebody else. A different person. I believe when we dream we are processing alot of our thoughts and knowledge we have suited from these boards etc. It is healthy although I have to admit to smoking a little cannabis joint now and again. I'm not saying take up smoking however it helped me. But I already was a cannabis lover.

Anyways you need to focus on training your mind with all this knowledge of this understanding of BPD. The power is now back in your hands. Feel the emotions feel that pain and use it for good. You owe it to yourself don't you?

I was like seriously what the heck is happening, they get you like this man. But you know what to do.

Feel it process it use it

[HerPerpetuallyTornLover]

I know exactly how you feel with the nightmares. I might suggest that in waking hours, every time you even think of your ex, ask yourself if this is a dream. Then try to purge her from your mind. With enough practice, seeing her in your dream should make you think hmm is this a dream? At which point (at least for me) your brain will go wow all of this is weird and wrong and you will wake up or at least have more composure and control in the dream. These little reality checks are the first step towards lucid dreaming actually.

[blissful_camper]

I still have nightmares about him and I'm 9 months out.  I had a nightmare about him last night.  I know what you mean about being tired of the nightmares.  I am too. 

They are powerful tools in processing the experience, but I'd like a break from them. They have the potential to throw my day off.   

A few things I'm doing before sleep:

I tell myself he's not welcome in my dreamtime, and that if I do dream about him I don't want to remember the dream.

I remind myself that I'm safe, and far away from him.

As I'm laying in bed preparing for sleep, I daydream about pleasant things (I go to my happy place) until I drift off to sleep.   

These dreams will stop eventually.  Yes, you just need to ride it out. 

[janey62]

Hi myself,

I have had nightmares too... .

They are a way of processing but can also be a symptom of PTSD, which I think a lot of us have to one degree or another.  PTSD happens when we experience something traumatic and out of the range of normal everyday experiences which are hard to process and it can be mild to severe.

I had a lot of trouble sleeping for ages before the end of the relationship, when he would turn up sometimes and I never knew when to expect him.  And he would leave as suddenly.

At first the pain was so great during the day that I was taking paracetamol and codeine... . not good.  As an addictions counsellor I was only too aware of the dangerous game I was playing.

So I stopped them and tried a herbal alternative.  I found Kalms were good.  I just had a couple at night so that I could initially get off to sleep, something I was finding hard. 

My panic symptoms got so bad I was prescribed Beta blockers by my doctor, which I still take sometimes when my cortisol levels get too high. 

I also try to read something calming at night, a book that I'm enjoying, and also listen to soft, hypnotic music.

Obviously medicines, whether herbal or not, are only a temporary fix, but as you are clearly struggling for lack of sleep I would recommend a couple of Kalms before bed.  Don't know if you can get them where you are, but the basic ingredients are: Hops, Valerian and Gentian.  I don't like things with passiflora in because the give me a hangover feeling and don't mix well with even a tiny bit of alcohol.

Mindfulness medication is also very helpful.  Very simple to do and you can learn about it from the CBT website which you can find at:  www.getselfhelp.co.uk/

Hope this helps?  I know how horrible nightmares and lack of sleep can be.   

Janey x

[seeking balance]

Hey Myself,

If I recall, you have not had any contact in quite a while, right?

I have found when my ex pops up for no real reason it is when I am emotionally in a similar state - for example, something I really want feels out of my control.

What is going on in your life right now - something else that is causing you emotional distress?

SB

[janey62]

Oops, I meant to say mindfulness meditation, not medication!

But yeah, what SB said makes sense, it could be that other things are on your mind.

Janey

[myself]

Thanks for the comments and replies. I'm sure it has to do with still detaching, letting go of the r/s. The past we shared as well as the plans for the future. She's the common thread, the star, the focus of all of these bad dreams. It's like when I go to sleep, I'm doing some inner Spring cleaning. Continuing the efforts of the day. I slept alright last night. Maybe I'm getting closer to the bottom of the barrel.

[FindPeace]

The bad news first: I still have nightmares, almost two years later. THE GOOD NEWS: They are fewer and farther between. Sometimes weeks and months go by now without the nightmares. I think that over time they happen less and less, so remember that it does get better, you just need to ride it out and do what works for you to bring calm back into your life. In the meantime, I keep herbal anti anxiety medicine around. Bach Five Flower Remedy works well for me.

Hang in there.