Next adventure - work release for DD27

[qcarolr]

DD called today and was transferred to work release dorm. Only 10 women on unit. Have big locker inside for 5 changes of clothes and personal hygiene stuff. She will be responsible for providing all this for herself. Small locker for stuff not allowed in jail in hallway before locked door into this wing of jail. She can have her cell phone, cigarettes, money... .  Whatever she needs to get through the day.

Searching for job - has 2-3 weeks to find one to pay $17/day fee to 'live' at jail plus her her other needs. She has orientation in the morning, then thinks she will get a 5 hour pass to get her clothes and stuff. I have agreed to bring her to the house for this stuff.

Dh is taking off work early to be here when gd's bus comes. If DD is still here and in good mood, gd is prepared to come in and say hi. Then Dh plans to drive her to play at a nearby park. DD knows she has to maintain to be here at all. I know the T will not really approve of this -- DD needs to get her stuff. She has not been the house in 6 months - 4 living in motel and on probation, 1 avoiding police and 1 in jail waiting for work release.

I am trying to  remember that she is much more stressed than I am. She is trying hard to be successful and stay on work release. If she fails, there are 6 more months in jail.

My stress is her extreme sensitivity to not being allowed to live in our home, and restrictions to her contact with gd.

I spent this afternoon and evening finishing sorting through her room. Dh and I moved the furniture out already, and all her clothes are clean and piled in the adjoining family room. If you count the gallons on the tubs and piles on the floor she has about 1000 gallons of clothing. The entire top of the washer and dryer are small tubs of personal hygiene stuff - including a shoe box full to the brim of finger nail polish!

Have no illusions about how DD will react to her room being dismantled - she will feel abandoned and rejected. I have told her this on jail phone calls and written it in letters a couple times. This is area the has created intensity on phone calls, with one of us hanging up. Hope get past this point before the school bus.

Also hope the neighbors can understand this is a one time visit. Do I text them - the two that are now allowing gd to play again with their kids? So they do not make assumptions? Geez, why is this all so complex?

We are storing her stuff in a 6x10 cargo trailer we bought and have parked in our backyard. I keep reminding dh this is instead of a storage unit, and to give it at least 2 years before he can use it for his own purposes.

Focusing on taking this an hour at a time tomorrow, living in the day. I have no ability to predict or control the future. My heart is singing in gratitude that I can offer this to DD. I am feeling strong in my values and boundaries as each moment unfolds tomorrow.

Will let you know how things go.

qcr

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[jellibeans]

qcaroir

That all sound very promising on both your parts. I think it is good for gd to be able to see her mother and that should be encouraged. This has been a sore point with her and I am hoping she will appreciate the gesture. I do hope she is able to get a job and be able to stay in the new place. Have you seen any positive change since she was in jail? Has the structure helped her? hang in there and I hope all goes well tomorrow

[Thursday]

qcarolr,

Thanks for the update. Things seem to moving along.

I feel worried about your DD coming to get her things and seeing her room dismantled. I can imagine how very triggering this could be, even if she has been forewarned.

Is there anyway the police can be there while she does this? Not in a confrontational way but merely to "keep everyone safe"? If not the cops then perhaps an impartial person- would her PO be willing to do this as a favor?

Wishing all of you the best. There is a little something in your post that sounds like DD is accepting of having to work and this will be so positive for her (or will finding a job be an impossibility?) and move things more and more in a better direction.

Will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

Thursday

[Being Mindful]

qc,

I too am worried about your daughter coming to the home... . dismantled room or not. I hear your reservations about this, the T. would not agree with this plan, there is your gd's life potentially being disrupted again by the loss of friends/neighbors. Then, maybe she gets to see her mom, maybe not. It sounds like a large risk in so many ways. You are thinking of ways through this, many details and ways through this for what purpose?

Can I ask... . are you doing this to soothe yourself?

While very difficult, you could bring her things to her. Have her make a list of what she needs, keeping your boundaries in place that your home is a safe place for you, dh and gd. It seems like a large risk for you three and an opportunity that your daughter realizes that she can break you down.

I hope I'm not upsetting you. I want the very best for you. I really mean that but I have reservations in this plan. Try not to make an emotional decision. I almost feel like in your post you are trying to convince yourself when you aren't sure.

[qcarolr]

Yes, there are risks for emotional breakdown with DD. I am willing to take the risk. The T works with lots of kids in similar situations. I also believe that we can make this a safe moment of contact between DD and gd. This is one 'purpose' in allowing this.

Financial needs: I have no idea what clothing fits DD at this time. She has so much of what she needs here. I do not want to take her shopping for 5 changes of clothes and all the personal care items. Even at a thrift this a.)cost a lot of money b. takes a lot of time.

Emotional needs: Some are mine. Some are for DD to accept the reality of not living in our home. Seeing her furniture stored, safely in our backyard in locked trailer, is positive. My need is to be able to help her work through  this. She knows if she loses it I will call the police and she will have another charge and lose the work release option.

There is a lady that comes daily to the jail to offer day labor. DD should qualify for this program, and would build some work experience. I do not know how much support is offered in the program. All I can do is encourage her to be confident she can do the job, and to be honest when a task is bumping her LD limits.

Dh and I have discussed the risks, we have talked with gd about the risks - she is very aware, we have made our safety plan and labeled it as just that. Dh will be here for gd, I will be with DD.

In a divorce situation the kids have to go to both parents even when it is traumatic. Court ordered. Why is this grandparent/adult child 'divorce' so much different? Our custody order provides for DD to have visitation. We can require supervision and behavior restraints for this. It is better to work in a positive way to help gd overcome her anxieties around her mom than continue to support the fears. I am surprised the T does not support this even a little.

Thanks for all your encouragement and caution.

qcr

[llbee814]

Qcarolr it sounds like you've thought out your choices and picked the best of what's available to you.  It's so hard to accomplish that when mostly all of the choices we get having to deal with our dds and dss suck.  Choosing the best of the worst is exhausting and beyond stressful. I like that you have fallback plans in mind for the different scenarios that may come up.  Again, not all pleasant, but very necessary. I would be still concerned about the neighbor situation... . maybe it would be wise to forewarn, maybe just take your chances and resign yourself to having to do damage control after the fact, if necessary.  I wish you the best and think you are proceeding in the best way possible for all of your family.  Blessings... . lorilb

[peaceplease]

qcr,

You have been in my thoughts and prayers.  Hope all went well.

peaceplease

[pessim-optimist]

Dear qcr, I also hope everything went well, as I with others had concerns about your DD getting triggered... .

In a divorce situation the kids have to go to both parents even when it is traumatic. Court ordered. Why is this grandparent/adult child 'divorce' so much different? Our custody order provides for DD to have visitation. We can require supervision and behavior restraints for this. It is better to work in a positive way to help gd overcome her anxieties around her mom than continue to support the fears. I am surprised the T does not support this even a little.

I will be very honest: in my opinion, if this was a divorce, there would be only supervised visitations. No other options, as your DD is not stable enough to be able to control her behavior.

Under the supervisor, if things would start to get out of hand, gd would be immediately taken out of her mom's presence, and the visitation would end to protect gd from trauma.

I am only guessing here as to why the T is not supportive: as you are emotionally involved with both gd AND DD, you cannot really provide that neutral ground, plus in the supervised setting, it is easier to keep everyone safe... . Just my opinion on that one.

[qcarolr]

DD did great today. Gd's initial response was way extreme just knowing her mom was in the house. We all got there about the same time - Dh, then DD and I, then the school bus - within a 5 minute window. DD did not get triggered at all to anything. She expressed her thankfulness that I was with her for the 5 hour furlough. (12:45 to 5:45).

A little girl was knocking at the door to play right after the bus came, so that is what gd did. Played in the front yard, dh doing a project in the garage, Dd and I in the basement finding what would fit after gaining 20 lbs. on jail food and lots of snack stuff. Gd came in to show her mom the hermit crab she has tamed so it plays with her. She allowed DD to give her a hug when we left.

Gd's T has made a big point to me to help gd work through her anxiety and fear - not to avoid it. Avoidance can allow the fears to take on a life of their own separate from the current situation. I think all the open avoidance of contact with DD, though needed when she was doing drugs and with her entourage of toxic friends, fed gd's fears. Phone contact can be safe, if on speaker phone. I have asked gd to do this a couple of times in past two weeks on calls from jail. I have tried to talk with gd about her mom loving her and not being able to take care of her. Gd has been talking with T about her mom - what it is like in jail, what she does during the day... . I asked the T about this after gd's last session.

Even though the T was hesitant about pressuring gd to see her mom, Dh and I feel things worked toward good today. I would not have been able to be here for DD today if DH was not available to be here with gd -- both for emotional support and to cover gd while I drove DD back to jail. I will NOT take gd in a car along with DD anytime. That is a trigger cocked and ready to be fired. I am so very grateful the timing worked perfectly today.

DD shared with me on the ride back to jail that she had extreme responses just like gd's when she was little, and did not understand what triggered them either. She was pondering if there was a genetic link - ie. just being born anxious. We talked a bit about having safe, non-toxic friends. DD said - help gd NOW with this. Before high school when she got into trouble with partying and bad friends. She also said I was a good mom, just unpredictable - sometimes she did not know what to expect each day. Consistency has been a huge struggle for me as I worked on my bipolarII over DD's lifetime. Though not perfect, I am more stable now.

I am just amazed that DD seems to know EVERYONE that crossed our path today. Oh that is someone from my T days (girlfriend in 2006 - 2009 era of cocaine use sandwiched before and after the life of my gs before his foster-adoption. Oh, and that girl is from high school. And that guy too, we just keep crossing paths. So she has seemed to shift from the homeless group - that seems to be less stable than 5 years ago for whatever the reasons (hmmm-many seem to be in  jail right now... . stronger enforcement effort to clear the public parks perhaps?). And she acts like they are all best of friends. Ah well,   life of DD.

Someone is working with DD in the jail to get her needs met. She seems connected -- we went to mental health center first to refill meds - and she had refill on them! The pharmacist suggested she check in at front counter to see if she was still an active client. She had to do new intake assessment. This all got done in about 30 minutes. She is put on walk-in appointment schedule, and they will contact her supervisor at the work release program to confirm day she is to come in. She can also have a bike - maybe DH will let her have his sitting unused in the garage (garage sale find for $40 to ride with gd - he has done this yet). She also called to checkin with her probation officer. She will be serving probation while on work release.

She was very proud to show me her "Socialization CBT" workbook. "mom, this workbook is just for me". AWESOME. She also gets along with all the others in her dorm so they can talk about their common experiences.

Now for her to find that elusive job to pay for all this and stay in the program! She got an application at Subway today when we stopped for a sandwich. It was a short one pager, then she flipped it to sign, And there was the 'employee test'. It was all arithmetic -- adding column of numbers, making change, doubling recipes for tuna, counting inventory... .  Easy for you and me. Does not compute for DD -- just is not there for her. This is heart of her learning disability. So she took application form with us, then put in trash in car.

I hope she is able to go to the WorkForce office and get a job counselor. We talked about jobs with zero math needs. Dishwasher; table busser; kennel worker; sorter in receiving at thrift store.

Janitorial is really n/a - even though this is what judge in her SSI case said she should be able to do. "anyone can push a broom?"  My dh works in maintenance and occasionally helps the housekeeping staff at the elderly facility where he works. You have to be able to compute and measure the cleaners - this is math that would be hard for DD. Maybe if she had very specific written directions it would work.

THis part gets me going if I let it. Today -- I stayed focused on what the tasks were for today. Another big hug from DD as see walked to alternative sentencing door with her two big bags of stuff. She was smiling and hopeful.

Another bonus - DD has the same good PO as before this jail term. She has seemed to really get DD's mental health issues when the detox meltdown happened in Feb - she is a licensed counselor and is familiar with BPD and DBT.

So we will see how things go day by day. I am focusing on living hour to hour the rest of this week in all my relationships.

qcr

PS. DD told me they offer free testing for all the drug and sex related things. She has hepititis C. I am so angry at "M" the last BF. DD told me before he is the one that got her to try injecting drugs (recently told me this, not while they were doing it and she said - "I hate needles and will never do that!". She said he told her via text when she was living in last motel. What a messed up world. Need to get some accurate info on treating this, and encourage DD to find doctor to keep following her with this.  :'(  She said something about how self-destructive she has been living. She wants to move forward in her life. Sure hope she can get a job.

[Verbena]

I am so relieved everything went well today with your DD at your house.  One step at a time... .

[Rapt Reader]

Hi, qcarolr 

I, like Verbena, am so happy that yesterday went so well! It really sounds like your daughter has made great strides lately, and your granddaughter also... . You should very proud of both of them, and of yourself and your husband for all of this progress!

So your daughter has been formally diagnosed with the Hep C? If her doctors are aware of it, then there should be some monitoring of it being done I would think. In my state, once a person is diagnosed with it, the health department is notified and they keep that person monitored. If they are active drug users (and I'm not saying your daughter is; since she's been incarcerated and in treatment I have to assume that she is clean and sober), then they are given access to clean needles and the means to dispose of old ones very carefully.

The treatment my own son has been having is regular blood tests to measure his liver enzyme numbers, CDCs, and other things I don't remember. He also has had a sonogram of his abdomen to check for internal damage. In the early months of his being diagnosed (and I doubt he was totally clean and sober for this), he had to have immunization treatments to ward off the occurrence of Hep B (apparently you are more susceptible to it if you already have Hep C). Shots that he had once a month for a few months, then again several months later (and then maybe another; it was several years ago so I'm not sure).

After being clean and sober for 6 months, they start deciding which Hep C treatment they will give you (there are a few different ones out there, depending on the severity of your illness). My son has been very lucky; the progression of his Hep C isn't bad (all the many tests show that), and though he's been clean and sober for more than 13 months now ( ), his Specialist is waiting for the newest treatment program for Hep C (that is coming out this October) to be available for him. I believe it will consist of just 2 pills taken once per day, and I also believe that it will not involve injections of Interferon at all (which the other treatments do have). There are supposed to be very little, if any, side effects to this newest treatment. And another great thing about this new treatment is that it only lasts for 4 months. The other treatments last for one year, with side effects.

If she does, indeed, have Hep C, she needs constant monitoring of her health and bloodwork, and subsequent immunizations for Hep B, and then the preparations for the Hep C treatment that is best for her. So, having her seeing a Dr. for this is integral. Good luck with this, qcarolr... . But, if she doesn't have a terrible case of it, then the treatments for it may not be as bad as she fears 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[qcarolr]

Verbena and Rapt Reader - thanks for the encouragement. I saw gd's T today. She was also OK with how things went. She still wants us to limit these kinds of contact, most esp. at our house and in our neighborhood. The likelihood of DD flipping into a rage is present into the foreseeable future. I really do get, more than ever, the unpredictable nature of BPD. Even with treatment, stress is a part of life. Have to keep practicing in my mind these boundaries and what is most important - gd's mental health. There is a strong desire for me today to find somewhere else to park this trailer full of her life away from our home. Dh can't see any need for this. I have to be strong when talking with DD.

Rapt Reader - thanks for the info. I did some reading online about Hep C. and DD needs more detailed info about the type of virus she has and whether she just has antibodies or active virus... . She needs to find a doctor, and she is so resistant. I think this is part of her self-harming patterns in some way. Is there a specialist that your DS goes to? DD has medicaid which has been expanded in our state, so I know she has access. Since it was the jail that dx this, I am hoping they will help her follow up. I have told her I would drive her to get a check-up with her infectious disease doc for her MRSA, so maybe her could help with this too at that clinic.

The shorthand is HCV. I heard DD saying she was getting free testing for "HIV" when she first mentioned this on the phone a couple weeks ago. That the jail offers it free so 'why not'. She was saying "HCV" which I had never heard before.  She said that exbf"M" told her he has Hep C and that they had shared a needle. He knew this before the needle sharing incident(s). I think he told her this in January when DD was with a new 'bf'. DD said he and exbf"G" introduced her to this. I have been so naive, ignorant, in denial. None of her bf's ever should have been allowed in our homes overnight. DD wore us down - relentlessly.

Such a relief to have her room no longer a bedroom.

qcr

[Rapt Reader]

Is there a specialist that your DS goes to?

Yes... . He sees a Gastroenterologist at a University Hospital in a medium-sized city near us. His regular G.P. and his Psychiatrist (who specializes in drug addiction therapy) also monitor him and the various Hep C health-related issues. But, probably the Gastroenterologist is doing the bulk of the treatment once it starts.

I'm sorry your daughter was diagnosed with this, and I hope it's in a stage that can be treated in the "easy" way... .

[qcarolr]

Offered to go with DD to register at workforce tomorrow. She needs support of a job counselor, and they have unlimited computer access for job searching, applications, etc. It is also away from the homeless crowd at the public library where she can get computer access. The library is a core spot for the homeless here.

It is a 3 minute bus ride from the jail to the workforce center. Transportation is not the obstacle.

She told me she went to register with a day labor agency today that came to the jail to pick up workers. They had her do a 40 question test -- she failed it twice and has to go back on Monday. She thinks getting a piece of paper to mark where she is on the answer sheet will help a lot.

I am feeling kind of sad tonight. DD's strong resistance confounds me. And everyone else that cares. Like she needed vision therapy - evaluated at age 6 and age 11. She refused to participate, and refused to wear glasses. At age 11 I gave up and did not even buy the glasses. She finally got some at age 18 -- they are in her stuff packed from her room. I offer to take her for an eye exam and new glasses - she yeah, let's do that. But then she is not available when I can take her. This is just one example of her pattern.

Then there is this young girl I hear giggling with her dog in the backyard playing keep away. Gd has Perseverance. She might be breaking her pencil or sending the chair across the room, but she does not give up. Think I will go push her in the giant swing hanging from the tree.

Tomorrow will take care of itself.

qcr

[qcarolr]

Met DD at 7:45 am. We got coffee, a bus pass and stopped at a couple leads to apply for jobs. They all need her to apply online. So we went to the Workforce office. The job counselor got her password (she was still in the system frwpom 8 years ago when she was getting public assistance with her new baby), and sat her in front of the computer. I sat in the waiting area 'allowing' DD to do this independently. Well, she was frustrated after about half hour and we left.

She needed an email account for all the applications. She has several and cannot remember the passwords. The counselor said 'it may take months'... . Not much help with only 1 week left of the 2 week deadline of work release program.  So I gave her one of my email accounts - it is set up for her stuff anyway (my housing searches, her cell phone,... . ). We tried together to set up account to apply with Whole Foods. They would not accept this email account. It had just downloaded on her phone... . it is a good account. After 5 tries we gave up.

We stopped at a telephone marketing company though, and they passed her 20 wpm typing test and she has an interview on Monday. They hire' just about anyone', train them, and have a high turnover. I will be praying she at least gets a chance to try this job. DD knows lots of people that have worked there including some exbf's. Somehow she never got there to apply before, though she had talked about it.

When I dropped her off she turned to me, made eye contact, and said "You are the best mom I could ever have."  I said 'WHAT". Really, I said that. She explained, she could have gotten a much worse mom -- maybe even one like the judge that sentenced her to 9 months in jail for misdemeanors!  [part of her anger is knowing others in jail on shorter sentences with bigger crimes - at least bigger in her mind. IMHO, the court is trying to force her to 'recover'. She has to do self-improvement classes, go to AA or NA meetings, AND work at a job to be in the work release program. She likes this better than the regular jail. Even with the gross daily searches when she gets back to the jail each day... . ]

It was good to connect with her. I am really tired now though. I sure do want some energy back. Maybe I need an anti-depressant or something... .

qcr

[Reality]

When I dropped her off she turned to me, made eye contact, and said "You are the best mom I could ever have."  

qcaroir:

The outside help is creating space for you and your daughter to be able to relate authentically.  Your dd is grateful.

I always read your posts, as you are so honest and wise.

Reality

[qcarolr]

Have more energy this morning. Sat is only day we can all sleep in - at least as long as the dog let us.

Talked with dh today about new idea. My boss has let close family of other employees use extra space and internet for job searches. Maybe I can offer this to DD. I am only there 2 days a week. She could come any day. It would offer safe place with nice people to do her job searches and applications. There is an extra desk with computer right now. It will also give her a choice to stay away from the homeless hangouts at the public library where she has been using the computers.

I work a 5 minute bus ride from the jail. She has a bus pass - I will allow her to use it.

qcr

[qcarolr]

Do you ever fear that sharing progress might jinx success? I am releasing my fear hourly today and feeling this moment of joy. Let's celebrate!

DD started her new job today and called to say "training is going well". Yesterday I picked her up early at the jail, she went to my office with me then walked the 2 blocks to her interview and was hired. $9/hour. It is a telephone survey company. They get contracts to do surveys, not selling. They have high turnover and work with a lot of more transient employees.

DD called this morning as I was getting ready to dry my hair -- she needed her birth certificate or would have to wait to start next week. They only train on Tuesday's. I was on my way to town anyway so dropped it off. She was out with others laughing and talking on a break. She works 8am - 3pm. The 5 minute bus ride from jail - leaves at 7:45 am and the return bus stops almost at the door of her employer at 3:15.

I am truly in awe how things are working out for her. How I am able to give true support from the fringes of her life. The support structure in the work release program is acceptable to her.

Then she called this afternoon if I could get her early (7:45am) Thursday to drive her to meet with her probation officer. It would take too long on the bus. Her employer was making an exception for the early morning appt. already. With minor change in my schedule this will work for me.

DD seems to get along well with the others in this program. She is also doing classes in the jail and went to church with free lunch on Sunday. The church brings a van to pick them up, or maybe a couple of vans.

I realize that DD is in her 'highest level' of functioning right now as an untreated pwBPD. I am hopeful the structure will allow her to stay here, and being drug free for a change. My intuition tells me that she is operating emotionally in the 17 - 19 age range, or maybe just a little younger. Reminds me of how she acted during her more stable times in her last years of high school. When she was in a good r/s with a bf. Before the r/s turned upside down.

I am celebrating how she asks me only for what she cannot do for herself, or when she knows she needs some extra emotional support for a specific task. She is motivated to stay in this program.

qcr

[MammaMia]

qcr

Your dd is working hard toward positive changes. That is great news.

[Rapt Reader]

Oh, qcarolr... . I cannot tell you how happy I am for you     

I pray that this is the beginning of something wonderful for your daughter and your whole family 

[qcarolr]

The other thing I am being able to let go of is feeling only an intensive psych based program can put DD on the "right path". I mentioned the 9 month dual-dx program in our state. She does not believe she needs an intense program like that. Maybe she is right, hmmmmm. Maybe she needs success in daily living with support to be clean and sober.

First steps.

Reminds me of Thursday's story with her SD.

qcr

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Rapt Reader]

Maybe she needs success in daily living with support to be clean and sober.

That is definitely possible, qcarolr... .

Everyone is different, and with some real-life success in her life--and some real happiness, too!--she may just rally and rise to expectations.

I really do wish her all the best in this. And it sounds like the system is there for her, at last, to support her. Yaaaaay! 

[pessim-optimist]

So happy for your DD! Is this her very first job?

Praying and hoping that things will keep going smoothly for her, and that she can settle into a comfortable routine that will make her feel confident and competent, and that the system can be there for her this time and see her all the way through... .

[qcarolr]

She was in a work program in high school. She was successful as a sophomore in volunteer positions, though required a lot of support. One was working with 2nd graders in the library. The other was working in a pet store. As a junior they put her in positions that failed. Tutoring after school kids that were doing math beyond her limited ability. Then on a snack line in another high school cafeteria (paying job) where she was asked to take money and make change. She lasted a week before the perceived humiliation of her failure to do the money part, and feeling looked down on  by other high school kids got too much. she walked off job with no notice.

In 2008 she got a job at a major grocery store in the bakery. She did adequate in the small store where she trained for 2 weeks. Just her and the head baker. He complained that she was too slow, but seemed OK otherwise. Then they put her in the busiest store in town. She could not keep up, she would not disclose her limits, and after burning a whole oven of bread while everyone else went to lunch she melted down and walked away. She was let go the next day.

She deserves support and success.

qcr

[peaceplease]

qcr,

Awesome!  Awesome!   I was just skimming here real quick.  i plan on coming back this evening.  I have to to work in a little bit.  I was so happy to see your good news.  And, yes, I always fear jinxing if I report good news.  Then, I tell myself I am being ridiculous with superstition.

My dd just obtained a new job, and starts training on Monday.  Her self esteem is soaring!  She will lose  some of her govt subsidies and is worried about her.  I told her how good it will feel to be doing it on her own.  And, she will have the means to do so.  This is her highest paid position ever.  I hope for this last for a while.

I am so happy for you!  Getting a job on work release is a real accomplishment.  I am impressed with you dd!

Well, gotta run.

peace

[pessim-optimist]

Wow! It seems like your DD just got really discouraged, and slipped through all the cracks when she was a teenager... .

I think that with some tender loving care of support and the right kind of job, she might be able to get more stable and perhaps even build the courage and desire to work hard in therapy... .

I am praying for her environment - the people that are in charge of her life right now that there is someone who will be able to see her through to a positive outcome... .

[qcarolr]

Another good day for DD.  Since she had an appointment before work the jail gave her until 8pm to return tonight. She called me bored at 6:45 - not really wanting to go back to jail early but nothing to do. So we talked for 15 minutes then the bus came. End of route so bus driver told her he was taking a 25 minute break - he went into the Wendy's near bus stop. She is planning to start walking to work - maybe 45 minute walk - to lose some weight. AWESOME.

Got another letter from exbf that is also in jail. DD said she did not even want to read the letter. She wants to focus on doing her job and probation without his distraction. AWESOME.

It feels so good to be able to connect with her in these positive ways, and to watch her continue to make good choices. I think some of her classes at the jail are helping her, though she does not share any details with me.

  I am a tired momma - it was a very busy long day for me. A little vent might help. DD called at 7am - waiting outside jail. I had to get dressed yet, get gd dressed - fed- meds- Dh waited with her for bus. Drove DD to her first appt. with new PO - it went well. Then stopped for some essentials at store then dropped her at work. Across the street is Humane society - meds for dog allergies picked up. The to work, next door to where DD works. The over to church at noon to set up my part of an Easter activity (this was 'me' time) though had to ask someone to finish so I could pick up gd at school. Across the county again to mental health center for 2 appts. - T and pdoc. Home at 5:40, drop off gd, rx to drugstore. Error on the rx for adderall - pdoc forgot to seperate adderall for name brand as medicaid will not pay for generic! So wanted them to contact him tomorrow. I saw this leaving the parking lot at mental health - gd already seatbelted in and we had been in waiting room an hour already between appointments. Drug store can get rx fixed. Then had to get gas and buy deli chicken for dinner - gd will eat this.

pdoc suggested I get gd an OT evaluation for her extra sensitive mouth and hearing. This may be part of her extreme picky eating (her appetite is effected by adderall too) and her extreme distress at loud sounds. Maybe I can call next week.

Whew. Thanks for listening to this rant. No wonder I am tired. So nice to have you all to celebrate with.

qcr

[MammaMia]

qcr

My dBPDs is also affected by loud noises and bright lights.  It is part of his ultra-sensitive biological makeup which is triggered by his BPD. 

Please keep having good days.  So nice to hear good news!

[qcarolr]

DD managed to get where she needed to be this past weekend without my help. She asked - I was not available - there was no anger toward me. She had a pass to go to church both Saturday night and Sunday morning. Then she got a ride to Urgent Care. She called me to pick her up, which I could do after dh got home from work to be with gd.

I met DD for lunch today, then drove her back to the jail. She left work early because she kept needing to go the the restroom and she kept crying... . Dd is trying so hard to be successful at her job of a week. She is too slow. Has been called into supervisor's office 2 times and told to work 'significantly faster'. She is making phone calls for surveys -- reading a script and typing answers into computer. Slow processing is a core part of her learning disability. DD says the work release jail supervisor does not believe this when she tells her. She asked me to get a copy of an eval report for the jail.

Urgent Care:  abdominal pain/cramping for a couple of weeks. They gave her IV antibiotics and then prescriptions for 2 more antibiotics pills for 2 weeks. Thought she was having pelvic inflammatory disease symptoms. She has appointment tomorrow to get her IUD checked. Then today they called her that she tests positive for Hep C and this could also be some of the pain. DD was fearful of this after contact from exbf before her arrest in March. She is very grateful that the HIV test was negative.

DD is very fearful about the treatments for this - "like chemo" is what she has been told. Not sure who said this to her. She had testing done in March by jail that showed Hep C but she did not really believe it until today. I shared with her that there are several treatments now, and she will need further testing to figure out which strain she has and what is the best treatment path. She has a referral to the infectious disease clinic. She is already a client there from her MRSA infections.

The good news in all this, at least for me, is that DD is accepting full responsibility for these medical problems. She told me "I did this to myself". And she wants to recover! She wants to quit smoking cigs. She accepts that she needs to do what the doc's say and keep up her health.

I am going with her to her appointment in the morning. She is meeting me at my office. She wants to apply at a thrift store for a job since she fears being put back in regular jail if she if fired from current job. She knows that medical care is not good in the regular jail.

She could ask for daily reporting if she had a place to live with a landline for the monitoring equipment. That is more costly than the work release, and she does not manage alone very well. My biggest fear is her finding somewhere to live since she cannot live in our home.

I am trying to take this all a day at a time, just as I have suggested she try to do.

qcr

[mggt]

Dear qcr. Glad you had a good day with your dd. Hope she continues on such a good path always in my prayers