I sleep about 4 hours a night for the last 5 nights.

[Boisnix79]

I sleep about 4 hours a night for the last 5 nights. It's like I fall asleep exhausted but my brain wakes me about 2am and I cannot sleep anymore. Its kinda terrible.

This all started when I broke up with my BPDexgf, its already incomprehensible to me how I stayed for so long. The FOG is strong.

The lack of sleep is terrible, the insights ive had since initiating the final break are amazing.

Is my brain just trying to make sense of it all?

Does the lack of sleep subside?

Ahhh i wanna crash out for 10 hrs!

[corraline]

My sleep was affected too. It still is but getting better. I struggle with nightmares. Its hard when you need your rest the most so you can function well.  I tried natural sleep remedies and they help somewhat. Last night was bad.  My ex is in town and came by my work place after i had already left. I haven't seen him in months. I couldn't sleep at all. I'm just trying to tell myself its a process and do what i can to take better care of myself.  Go easy on yourself.  There are many things or tools that can help you to rest better. Warm baths, meditation,relaxing teas,  deep breathing, making your bedroom a safe and cozy healing space too , etc.

[Boisnix79]

Thanks, im going to take a bath if i wake up and see how that works. I'm almost aftaid of my cell phone because we text each other so much... . seriously ptsd type stuff.

I like you said go easy on myself, wise words... . i forget about that sometimes:)

[corraline]

Not sure what stage you are at if you are still texting eachother. I changed my number so I wouldn't be triggered. 

Taking a bath before bed seems to be better for me.  I would use a nice aromatherapy oil or something before bed too to calm myself.I've got it next to my bed so if i need it its handy.  It was all apart of the self care routine i have been doing.  Lavender is always a good one. I'm still doing the self care stuff big time.

Last nite i finally got up and took one of my natural sleep aids, used my tools for anxiety and restlessness and eventually got  some sleep.

[seeking balance]

exercise - exhaustion does help... .

but honestly, my sleep was effected by stress too.  I have taken over-the-counter stuff when needed.

Keep in mind, sleep is super important - our brain needs to function properly... . if this continues, talk to your Dr.

Best,

SB

[coolioqq]

I had this for weeks. It went away with a) supplements and b) slowly letting go. It's completely normal and for me, at least, it was a strong sign of depression and PTSD. Breakups, especially with pwBPD, can be PTSD triggers. It will go away, just give it time.

[Boisnix79]

Thanks everyone. We arent texting anymore but we text 50 times a day when together... . Normally a break up is tough to deal with but this seems like my brain is actually scared to relax... . Yes I do think its PTSD to some extent... .

I will try lavender and bath oils... . Im a guy and I dont care! As long as my brain has a chance to rest.

Getting to this point where being with her sounds terrible seems like an accomplishment in itself...

Also realized yesterday after 4 hours talking with my cousin that being "abandoned" by my mom at 13 and having my Grandmother continuously talk about it has been keeping me as a 13 year old Boy... . Realizing I stayed with my ex because I was trying to wins my moms love was a HUGE revelation... . I know we hear these things and we think they fit us, but when you really realize it... . it very powerful... . I;ve avoided many social events,  tried to be SO successful before visiting my extended family very much, and generally just lived a life in my head even thoguh from the outside i had it all together.

Trying to be perfect and good enouguh was at the core of my issues since I was a little kid... . now at least I know it and can be conscious when I make a choice to visit family, start a relationship, change careers possibly, and all else... . All my friends, girlfriends, extended family, co workers... . etc etc have always liked me... . wanted to spend time with me, etc... . but I hid that vulnerable little boy that wasnt allowed to be hurt or vulnerable and be accepted... . Well now I know I can be vulnerable and show it to people and they get to choose to love me or not... . and so far so good. Hugs all around... . I had childhood trouble, so what! I went through a REALLY hard relationship, SO WHAT! I havent perfected my career, so what! I'm kind, self sufficient, loving, caring, smart... . and honestly at 35 years old this relationship saved my life... .

I would have been hiding forever if I didn't get blessed with her... I love her for that! And still now realizing why I was with her... .woudl NEVER be with her again... . and I dont need to tell her that... . I basically allowed her to think she made the decision... . poor hurt hurt girl. My heart will always ache for what she is going through... . BUT it aches for starving people too and I'm not starving... . We have to come first to us... . to oursleves or else we cannot pull anyone else out of their holes... . Its counter intuitive but to save another you have to save yoruself... . got how cliche but now I actually see how other people feel... . Like walking in a party and feeling equal to everyone else... .

What my mom did has no baring on my worth! Wow. Simple and beautiful... . And I dont have to fix my ex to get the love from mommy... . Im a 35 year old man... . FINALLY! Not just a paper cut out of Superman...

Its taken a LOT of work to get here but Ive never felt better, and Ive NEVER slept worse.

Thanks for reading my ramblings

[coolioqq]

I will try lavender and bath oils... . Im a guy and I dont care! As long as my brain has a chance to rest.

I am taking Valerian root (can be found at any pharmacy or vitamin store), and it helps a lot. The fact that you are a guy doesn't matter. You were hurt, dude. Give yourself a pat on the back for doing well. Social conditioning made our lives as men miserable by always expecting us to "man up." Sometimes you just gotta say "screw it, I'm a human being. I allow myself to feel hurt. It means I am a healthy person. I grieve, introspect, resolve and move on." Manning up all the time leaves more wounds open than anything else... .

Getting to this point where being with her sounds terrible seems like an accomplishment in itself...

You surely are making some progress! You have to take care of yourself first before being able to take care of others.

Also realized yesterday after 4 hours talking with my cousin that being "abandoned" by my mom at 13 and having my Grandmother continuously talk about it has been keeping me as a 13 year old Boy... . Realizing I stayed with my ex because I was trying to wins my moms love was a HUGE revelation... .

I am sorry you were hurt by being abandoned. But, on the bright side, you were strong enough not to develop something like BPD despite being deeply hurt. That, my friend, is your true accomplishment!

I'm kind, self sufficient, loving, caring, smart... . and honestly at 35 years old this relationship saved my life... .

My words - verbatim! Repeat this to yourself every night you wake up. I am pretty sure you will fall asleep soon after.

Its taken a LOT of work to get here but Ive never felt better, and Ive NEVER slept worse.

Thanks for reading my ramblings

The good news is that you clearly didn't lose your witty sense of humor! :-) Take it easy, dude, and sleep well - bad stuff is over!

[Boisnix79]

Take it easy! Been so long since i could! Thanks so much for your words:) i got tears, im ready for life