A victory... at least for me

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

So... . the uBPDw comes down to talk about the weekend and plans for spring break.  It seemed she was trying to figure out if I was going to let her come to church with the rest of the family.

She basically wants to take the kids for the entire week and go visit her family... because we have "always" stayed home during breaks.  I said that I could see myself being ok with that as long as she committed to never again do the I'm telling you what is going to happen and there is nothing you can do about it thing... . she quickly said ok... BUT... .

Anyway... . she made a phone call to my oldest son (in college) and after that we resumed the discussion.  I could tell she is on edge... but trying to hold it together.  I was trying to be conscious to not push her over edge... . but uphold my limits.  She busts on me all the time for "lying" and being untruthful.  Yet the reality is that in almost every... . and I think if I studied it... . no kidding every break since we moved to the new town... . we actually went to visit her family.  Yet she claims we "never" did it. 

I say that before we decide we need to make sure we are dealing with accurate facts... . typical sighing... interrupting and the like from her.  I offer her as much time to talk as needed... . and she says we should use a timer... 3 minutes each... . so I don't take 30 minutes to talk.  GENIUS... . !  It actually worked tonight... until she got frustrated by not being able to interrupt me... called time out... . and stormed away.

Anyway... . there are lots of details left out... . use your imagination... . it will be pretty close.  But during the entire time I was calm, focused, ... . no FEAR.

Probably 15-20 minutes of total conversation. 

I appreciate the comments by others on here that you have to get it in your head that she is going to do... . what she is going to do... . don't worry about it... . just uphold limits and let it roll. 

I also take it as a positive sign that she was reasonable for as long as she was... . attempted the time out thing... . and when she left... . wasn't cursing at me over her shoulder... grumbling or any of that.  So... maybe a couple minutes later I heard her talking to herself upstairs... . but still... . that's better than what I'm used to.

She also said (accused) me being offended because she was not grateful for these other trips... . which is actually pretty accurate.

Anyway... . thanks for listening... . heading to bed with a smile on my face. 

[formflier]

So... . the uBPDw comes down to talk about the weekend and plans for spring break.  It seemed she was trying to figure out if I was going to let her come to church with the rest of the family.

She basically wants to take the kids for the entire week and go visit her family... because we have "always" stayed home during breaks.  I said that I could see myself being ok with that as long as she committed to never again do the I'm telling you what is going to happen and there is nothing you can do about it thing... . she quickly said ok... BUT... .

Anyway... . she made a phone call to my oldest son (in college) and after that we resumed the discussion.  I could tell she is on edge... but trying to hold it together.  I was trying to be conscious to not push her over edge... . but uphold my limits.  She busts on me all the time for "lying" and being untruthful.  Yet the reality is that in almost every... . and I think if I studied it... . no kidding every break since we moved to the new town... . we actually went to visit her family.  Yet she claims we "never" did it. 

I say that before we decide we need to make sure we are dealing with accurate facts... . typical sighing... interrupting and the like from her.  I offer her as much time to talk as needed... . and she says we should use a timer... 3 minutes each... . so I don't take 30 minutes to talk.  GENIUS... . !  It actually worked tonight... until she got frustrated by not being able to interrupt me... called time out... . and stormed away.

Anyway... . there are lots of details left out... . use your imagination... . it will be pretty close.  But during the entire time I was calm, focused, ... . no FEAR.

Probably 15-20 minutes of total conversation. 

I appreciate the comments by others on here that you have to get it in your head that she is going to do... . what she is going to do... . don't worry about it... . just uphold limits and let it roll. 

I also take it as a positive sign that she was reasonable for as long as she was... . attempted the time out thing... . and when she left... . wasn't cursing at me over her shoulder... grumbling or any of that.  So... maybe a couple minutes later I heard her talking to herself upstairs... . but still... . that's better than what I'm used to.

She also said (accused) me being offended because she was not grateful for these other trips... . which is actually pretty accurate.

Anyway... . thanks for listening... . heading to bed with a smile on my face.