Walking in a fog.

[mama62]

Hi,

Can  anyone clear up where I go and how or if I get to my destination.

Feel so lost.

My adult daughter has been diagnosed with BPD. As she is an adult I have no control over her treatment.She is refusing treatment and keeping me in the dark.Her father(my ex) is supporting her in all her wrong decisions and therefore he is her saviour and I as usual am the enemy.She has not talked to me for over 10 days and the last time we spoke to each other was not very pleasant.

Is BPD hereditary?I have always suspected my ex had BPD.For over 30 years he lied to me about every little thing.He was seeking sex everywhere he could find it and because he was afraid of being caught out would just lie his way out of any situation.He is an alcoholic and was very manipulative.

My daughter is behaving in exactly the same way now.I talked to my ex hoping he of all people would understand and for once be a FATHER before he thought of his own needs but I was wrong.

Either they both cannot understand me like I am talking in an out of this planet language or I must be going insane.I can see that my ex is helping my daughter destroy her life but am helpless to do anything about it.

Does anyone know if there are ant treatment centres in the uk?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[hopeangel]

Hello Mama62

Firstly I offer a huge hug   I feel you pain.  My dd has similar traits to my ex husband too and I strongly believe it is genetic, Valerie Porr explains about the BPD brain in her book 'Overcoming BPD'.

My dd went through a phase of hating me and only bonding with her real dad via facebook, mind you because he lives in France well away from all responsibility - just as well really, when he came over once he indulged her every whim, EVEN to the point of dropping her at my house alone and unsupervised when we were not home and she was on SUICIDE watch! Luckily she didn't feel the urge to kill herself before i came in or I wouldn't be on here with you now!

Anyway I have been in your shoes as the only parent taking real responsibility and yet demonised for it but take heart  because, in my case it has all turned around and although I am split black from time to time as we all are, she now KNOWS its me who cares and is there for her effectively and she doesn't like HIM now, this has been the case for the past few years so I think it's saft to say that is the general status quo. 

I pray your daughter will also realise who is good for her and begin to listen to you and not her erratic father.

As for treatment in the UK, dd has been on a waiting list for years and it makes me SO angry she is not getting urgently needed help!  I pray your dd can get help she so deserves as well.

Please keep on doing the right things and learn the tools on this site, I am thinking your dd will eventually recognise who is really helping her!

[Peaceful Life]

My heart goes out to you mama62. What I have found is that this is like playing with a yo yo. They love you... . they push you away... . One of the best pieces of advice I have been given is to take care of myself. Only when we are healthy and loved can we do our best at helping our children. The best we can do is take care of our self and educate our self about this illness. Hopefully then we will have the stamina to learn and respond with understanding. This illness creates tendencies to be very unkind... . cruel sometimes. It has helped me immensely to meditate every day and see myself in the eye of the storm. The storm swirls around me and I will help when I can but I am not the storm. Blessings my friend. 

[mama62]

Hi,

Thank you all for giving me the support.It IS helping.All this is so new to me I am just bewildered and lost.

Thanks to this site and the support I have gotten here that I am sure I will find a way to cope.