WHEN PEOPLE TREAT YOU POORLY you have the right to walk away. Expect people who treat you badly to keep treating you badly, so hold them responsible for how they treat you and show them that they won't hurt you again by turning your back like a wall. This sends a message that their behavior is not OK. Hold yourself responsible for how much psychic energy you expend on the closure as well as the reasons for the closure. Some people are only in our lives for this reason- to establish healthier functioning.
What is desireable and undesireable behavior for ourselves and for those around us?
Finished, If a former partner is indirect in their communication, wouldn’t every single move of theirs be open for interpretation after the break-up? And if you struggle with ADHD, wouldn’t that cause allot of distraction for you as you try to get ahead of every passive aggressive move? It’s like a perfect fit for obsession and not a healthy one. Prescription: You block their access to you and force yourself to refrain from all websites that your former partner is on. Now, the battle is with your ADHD.
Closure is an action word - you take action by closing the access off to any further opportunity for this person to hurt you. No contact is your final interaction. The person left to deal with is... .yourself.
No contact means getting away from the computer if it causes you to obsess and seek out former places where you once engaged each other. Wear a rubber band on your wrist and snap it hard when you find yourself back into old habits of googling or searching. Your overall goal is to move on from an involvement. Staying involved, (even in malignant hope) doesn’t allow you to move on from fantasy. Fantasy is daydreaming, that one day this will all be well again and you'll be back together. If you don't wish the fantasy- then you'll need to grieve the ending and all fantasies have endings. All Hollywood movies have endings too. A really good story can come out of a tragedy and become a "feel good" saga. (There's no need for a sequel in a feel good saga.
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If there is something that keeps you in a magnetic pull toward this person in a repetitious compulsion- to repeat and re-do because you feel you are to blame- try to pinpoint why. Then try to pinpoint when you first felt these feelings. But don’t stay hooked and keep protesting about the failed relationship. These feelings go deeper than this last relationship- and that's where you need to go- to the repressed memories.
Sooner or later we all learn the difference between what we can change and what we cannot. The past is the past. The past is gone. What we have now is new information that we never had previously in our lives. We are the sum of all of our choices. Remember, the definition of madness is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. Now's the time for bravery and change- and with that comes depression and fear. It's only natural. Let it happen. It will be your greatest accomplishment.
The best you can hope for is that someday you will find peace with this journey you made with this person, you will see the ways that the closing of doors lead to the opening of others, and you will admire your commitment to try and love this person, and yet ask the question why you were willing to love in such a way that you were willing to turn against yourself. Now it's time to be your new best friend (yes, alone) and step forward with clarity and self soothing. It will get better, I promise.
