Remembering the bad times keeps me safe

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

After weeks of complete chaos, threats, blackmail, professional projection and vile anger, she eventually allows me into her apartment to collect my stuff.

I fly down to London, nervous as hell,  prepared for the worst.

On my way to her place, she sends me a message to please collect groceries for her.

To keep the peace and ensure a safe passage, I agreed.

I get to her place, she is there with a friend, no problems at all. Calm and friendly welcome.

She sits on the floor next to me while I pack, talking about her gravely ill father.

She then asks me to hurry up.

She then tells me she loves me and asks why I threw it all away. I just open my hands and said I'm not sure what's going on for me.

Tearfully she says goodbye after suggesting that we go to a music festival together in June.

This is after I had paid her a lot of cash that she demanded to release my stuff.

I leave confused... .

Today, I get a text to say that all she ever wanted was for me to love her and if I can do that one day, I know where she'll be, waiting for me.

She said if I loved her, I would be with her at her fathers deathbed. She made it clear that she did not want me near her or my sympathy. threatened to smear my name, who wanted me out of her life forever a few days ago.

This time I will not fall for her.

I will remember the bad times. That keeps me safe.

[Lion Fire]

After weeks of complete chaos, threats, blackmail, professional projection and vile anger, she eventually allows me into her apartment to collect my stuff.

I fly down to London, nervous as hell,  prepared for the worst.

On my way to her place, she sends me a message to please collect groceries for her.

To keep the peace and ensure a safe passage, I agreed.

I get to her place, she is there with a friend, no problems at all. Calm and friendly welcome.

She sits on the floor next to me while I pack, talking about her gravely ill father.

She then asks me to hurry up.

She then tells me she loves me and asks why I threw it all away. I just open my hands and said I'm not sure what's going on for me.

Tearfully she says goodbye after suggesting that we go to a music festival together in June.

This is after I had paid her a lot of cash that she demanded to release my stuff.

I leave confused... .

Today, I get a text to say that all she ever wanted was for me to love her and if I can do that one day, I know where she'll be, waiting for me.

She said if I loved her, I would be with her at her fathers deathbed. She made it clear that she did not want me near her or my sympathy. threatened to smear my name, who wanted me out of her life forever a few days ago.

This time I will not fall for her.

I will remember the bad times. That keeps me safe.

[maxsterling]

Totally true.  I think that is what eventually happens - all the bad stuff sticks with us until we finally draw the line and say "no more".

She sounds completely disordered right now, so staying away from that madness is probably best for you.

Take care.

[Lion Fire]

yes maxsterling,

she is in a frightening space right now. I am relieved that I am at least an hour flight away from her now. This is a tornado that has already devastated me on many levels and I'm very shy to peek my head out at the moment 

I sometimes wonder if she will have a lucid moment, when she will actually review the damage of the last few weeks and take some kind of responsibility?

I won't hold my breath

[TitaniumPhoebe]

Totally true.  I think that is what eventually happens - all the bad stuff sticks with us until we finally draw the line and say "no more".

She sounds completely disordered right now, so staying away from that madness is probably best for you.

Take care.

so true.  that whole "if you really loved me you would... . " is so manipulative.  but you can never do enough to prove your love and it will suck the life out of you. Yes, they can be "normal" and you wonder why you left, questioning your own sanity, but remember what you went through to get you there and how maddening it is. 

[mywifecrazy]

I sometimes wonder if she will have a lucid moment, when she will actually review the damage of the last few weeks and take some kind of responsibility?

You and everyone else on here already know the answer to that!

Stay strong brother.