This doesn't get any easier really...

[joolz29]

I keep thinking about how differently I would have done things if I'd known about the skills to handle a person with BPD and how different an outcome I might have got. Hard not to keep going over it all in my head. I still think about my foster daughter so much and wonder how she is. She blocked me on Facebook and I have no address for her so can't get intouch at all, even when I feel I want to. I hate how this thing messes people up so badly that they can't built bridges with the ones they say they love(d) The whole build up to the massive fall out which ended our r/ship all seems so silly now and so avoidable if I'd only known.  I would have done things so differently - known not to to respond to all the nasty texts, known not to take all the insults hurled at me personally, known how much pain she was in... . One of the things I find so strange is that I know she has many 'friends' on her FB account that she hardly knows, or has not even met and I was thinking today about how odd it is that virtual online strangers can see her 'life' - okay I know it's only FB but they will see pictures of her wee girl etc and someone that really cared about her and who shared so much of her life ie me has no contact with her at all. But I guess that is one of the many contradictions involved in this illness. Strangers she doesnt know are not people who she will worry about abandoning her and push them away before they do. The more I read on these Boards, the more convinced I am that she does have BPD. All the behaviours match. She is only 19 and the rejecting behaviour with me started when she was about 16 at which point she had formed a very close relationship with me as her foster carer. She never managed school/jobs/friends/her own family with any consistency  so the question I have to ask myself is, why would I have been any different? Sorry for the ramblings. This whole sad story is still affecting me really badly and I just needed to vent a bit today... .

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[jellibeans]

Dear joolz29

I am sorry things have not improved for you and your dd... . but I hope in time maybe they will. I think our dd like to use us to blame... we are their target... . scapegoat... . letting you back in her life would be admitting she had some fault to her... . I don't always think they can accept that in themselves... . I think time and maturity might help that... . hang in there

[joolz29]

Thanks jellibeans - I think what you said is very true. Before the massive fall out which has resulted in the silence for the last 6 months, my foster daughter often apologised for bringin her problems to me, said she felt too reliant on me and should be able to cope on her own and yeah sometimes I felt like her emotional punch bag. Like you say, I'm hoping when she is older, she will be able to accept me back into her life. Thanks for your positive words