Hey Spice,
Thank you for reading my story!
Her behavior has changed over the time. To give some examples:
Immediately after I moved out, I went NC for almost 1 1/2 months. I didn't do it consciously, but everyone told me to give her space (probably a good move with a non, and a bad move with a pwBPD). I didn't know for sure about my replacement. That resulted in a rage attack, calling me the worst person she ever met (and a lot of other stuff!), that I didn't care about her, that I moved on too quickly, that I never called her. Actually she did all that stuff, so I guess that would be projection.
I then confessed how awful I felt and sent her a lot of diary entries I had written as "proof", that she was wrong. She then changed to be sweet, but firm that we were not going to be together again.
In the next 1 1/2 months I saw her twice, to pick up my stuff. First time I was there, it was just me and her. And she was distant/cold. Second time I picked up my furniture and there were a lot of people to help. She was very friendly. We held hands for like 5 minutes at a point we were alone, but she had this distant facial expression, like she was not there, didn't want to look me in the eyes. Still she wrote me later if I made it home well and got my stuff unpacked.
After that the was weekly friendly contact per phone. Until I told her that I knew who my replacement was (her sisters exbf). I didn't judge her or anything, I just told her that I knew, and I though it would be better for our communication that she didn't have to hide it. That led to a rage the next day, and that she requested never to contact again.
1 1/2 months later. She wrote me out of the blue (like she never asked for NC), how I was doing and a letter had arrived for me. I waited more than a month before answering, because it confused me so much. And I never answered about the letter. Instead I wrote her that I had been in a restaurant where we used to go a lot, and that it had caused me to think of how she was doing.
Friendly contact followed, over 2-3 weeks. Sometime with daily chat messages. Sometimes in the middle of the night. Over some days she didn't answer, and was almost apologetic that she had gotten a new phone and didn't have whatsapp installed to see my message. After she had requested NC, I blocked her on Facebook, and she would repeatedly ask if I left FB (i.e. she was checking my FB previously, even though we were not friends, since I deleted her after the breakup).
The the writing stopped from her side, and again a few weeks of NC. Until I called her in the beginning of December. The reason she stopped writing was that I had apparently written something where she had been thinking "what is that idiot talking about" (something about one of her health problems). During this hour long conversation, I asked her if she was happy and her reply was "very happy" and towards the end I told her I would like to see her, and she didn't reply to that. She wished me merry xmas and I though I wouldn't hear from her again.
Xmas, in the middle of the night I got a message again with a xmas and ny greeting. It was personalized (partly in my language) and not some generic she had sent to a lot of people. I was confused again, so I wrote her a long e-mail how I felt. That I was confused why she would write me in the middle of the night and that I was still open for a relationship with her. Her reply "call me, we need to talk".
I did call her and was met with "I thought everything was ok, for me everything is ok", and we talked for 10 mins with me doing the most of the talking and opening up to her, without any reciprocation. So in the end of the conversation anger possessed me and I told never ever to contact me again in any way.
I joined here a few weeks later and posted what you quoted above. I have since done a lot of reading up on BPD. I have maintained NC since then (4 months now).
I have been trying to detach, but deep down, that is not what I want and hence it's not working. I think about her all the time.
The reason I am considering to break NC now, I outlined in this post:
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=223897.0