Caved looked at his fb

[Hurtbeyondrepair27]

I caved and I looked at his fb with an alternative account... . Big mistake.

Im hurting so badly I feel like I'm going to throw up. Before I walked away I told him

I loved him... . And I asked if he felt the same he said "i dont even know what love is"

When I asked if he wanted to be with me he said he does, but he cant because he is mentally ill... I literally balled when he told me he couldnt love... . like a baby... CLEARLY I loved him... . But I to have some self respect and worth to walk away since he was just having sex with me... Without commitment (downgraded)

Well after I looked I balled my eyes out again!

He s talking about looking for a date to take to spiderman 2... (we re geeks)

Then next post is about how he has a huge crush in someone at work... .

Doesnt know her name, but wants to desperately ask,her out but cant bc,he doesnt

Have the b*lls... . You can imagine the deep anguish and pain I feel considering he

Had convinced me he cares about me but just couldnt be w me bc he's mentally ill!

If,he cared about me and respected me... Even if he,had moved on in 3 weeks I feel like he would make that private in case I looked... So as not to hurt me. I walked away because I had to... . Not bc I truly wanted to. It was the healthy right thing to do.

I want to believe he,is doing this to prompt a response and pain in me... But he has blocked me on fb... So im presuming he isnt thinking ill see... . I know how messed up that is... But,i would rather him attempting to get a rise out of me rather than the thought that nothing he felt for me was real ... . And he has interests elsewhere. I trusted him. So so hurt.

All though he does make alternative accounts to view ppl and knows thats possible...

I have no clue. But its heartbreak all over again. He pursued me so hard convinced ne he loved me... . I was so good to him... And loved him. I was his first! 3 weeks and he,is already wanting to date other ppl? When supposedly he's incapable? Please help me understand and get through this bc in feeling really low and hurt beyond description right now... .

Whats wrong with me that I'm not good enough?

[AwakenedOne]

Whats wrong with me that I'm not good enough?

He isn't good enough for you because something is wrong with him.

AO

[LettingGo14]

I caved and I looked at his fb with an alternative account... . Big mistake.

I've done this, more than I care to admit.   Forgive yourself.   Be compassionate toward yourself.   You are merely trying to figure things out -- and you will come to a point when circling a source of your pain is no longer needed.

Im hurting so badly I feel like I'm going to throw up.

Yes.  This hurts.   If your best friend came to you in pain like this, you would be kind to your best friend.  You need to show that kindness to yourself.  It is possible.   You can say to the pain, "I consent."   You can say, "I care about my suffering."

Well after I looked I balled my eyes out again!

He s talking about looking for a date to take to spiderman 2... (we re geeks)

Then next post is about how he has a huge crush in someone at work... .

Doesnt know her name, but wants to desperately ask,her out but cant bc,he doesnt

Have the b*lls... . You can imagine the deep anguish and pain I feel considering he

Had convinced me he cares about me but just couldnt be w me bc he's mentally ill!

Our brains go into overdrive.  We try to read tea leaves.  We try to figure out why and how and what if.

Please give yourself a break.  It's a disorder.  It's not about you.  

If,he cared about me and respected me... Even if he,had moved on in 3 weeks I feel like he would make that private in case I looked... So as not to hurt me. I walked away because I had to... . Not bc I truly wanted to. It was the healthy right thing to do.

You cared enough about yourself to walk away.  You respected yourself enough to make a "healthy right thing" to do.  Give yourself credit.

Whats wrong with me that I'm not good enough?

Nothing is "wrong" with you.   Your brain is trying to make sense of something it cannot.   Most of us have been in your shoes.   Please give yourself a break.

One thing that helps me is to make a gratitude list.  For example, what are three things in your life you are grateful for right now?

[Hurtbeyondrepair27]

Things im grateful for:

1. My friend who is helping me through this

2.my daughter for motivating me into therapy... I wouldn't

Have been able to walk away from this 2 yrs ago. I wanted to be a better mom.

3.my self awareness.

Please help me through this I dont think im gonna make it. Im working so hard in therapy... . Working in issues (i have avoidant pd) that dont even have to do w him in top of grieving him and everything else... . I literally feel like im drained on the floor and cant get up.

This knocked me down hard. I dont know,if,i have the strength to continue suffering through all the pain stress and anxiety. I was ready to love I thought I could trust him after 3 yrs friendship... . He made me feel so loved and special. This is so hard. He helped me through so much... . And now he is a huge culprit of my pain its a total mind ** and im trying not to take it personally... . But how can I not?

I dont know,if I,have the strength to deal with all this. Too much

[LettingGo14]

Please help me through this I dont think im gonna make it.

I dont know,if I,have the strength to deal with all this. Too much

Please know that you will get through this, HBR.  The best instruction I got was to accept the feelings.  And to stop the story in my head that kept me circling over and over and over.   

This is a terrible blow, and I completely understand your suffering.    I was there, in the pit of despair.

We're here for you.   

[Hurtbeyondrepair27]

When I left him I was grateful for his honesty... . Even felt love and sorrow for him  I was in such denial as I see more and more his covert cruelty. And its very hard to take. I looked at his page one last time (what I thought was (after our convo and he posted "if you have a crush on me what made you lower your standards so much?" Cruel. Downgraded my authentic love to a crush... Publicly insinuated it wasnt reciprocated. He had told me he loved me days before that. I hate that I put my vulnerable heart in his hand like that. Never again.

[Hurtbeyondrepair27]

I wonder if he has painted me black and thats how he is able to move on so quickly... .

I know I shouldnt go over stories... . But they pop up regardless.

I did nothing to be painted that way... . But hes done it before.

He just didnt value me at all.  harsh... . Very harsh... But true.

[Narellan]

 Im so sorry you are feeling so full of despair. Read some of my prior posts, only a week ago i felt as devastated as you do and i also thought i could not go on.I had never been so full of pain, and i had black thoughts. Reading everything on here, other peoples posts made me feel like i wasnt so alone in this. And i literally blocked everyone out and threw myself into work and my kids. After a few day of sobbing uncontrollably (and vomiting with shock) i started to feel a bit differently, and now just 10 days later i am amazed i feel happy a lot of the time. Im still having crying bouts but the pain has lessoned and i can make a few decisions now. I lost my ex BPD and my best friend and was in NC with my family so i was so alone. Bit by bit ive communicated with my family and am standing firm on the break from my best friend and NC with ex. You can get through this. Im starting to think ive never been stronger. This happens i think when youve been stripped to the core. I deactivated my fb account for a while because my ex was so cruel and so public with his displays of being the happiest hes ever been in his life, just the day after our spilt. It hurt me to see what he was posting, so i stopped torturing myself and got off. I can reactivate at any time, but a week away from it has given me a sense of calm. I am looking back on my relationship with this man as like a "near death experience", and im so happy i got through this. The agony will pass. Feel the pain because it will make you stronger, and make you remember how he treated you when he comes back in time for another go.

[tholian]

Dear Hurtbeyondrepair27,

I would like to give you my support and strength in going through this hard time. Hope my words helps you. (I will reply to all your post's in one and will quote some items that i will be responding to)

I caved and I looked at his fb with an alternative account... . Big mistake.

Don't feel bad about this. Our need to know how the other is doing will always get the best of us. We wonder how they are coping without us and wonder if they are as miserable as us. My uBPDx blocked me after i confronted her with all the horrible things she did behind me (getting treated as though i was the wrong one, sigh... ). I used a dummy account to check up on her as well and it sucked but hey, we are sane adults, we are allowed to make mistake and learn from it. So, build a will of an iron and avoid checking it in future ok.

Im hurting so badly I feel like I'm going to throw up. Before I walked away I told him

I loved him... . And I asked if he felt the same he said "i dont even know what love is".

When I asked if he wanted to be with me he said he does, but he cant because he is mentally ill... I literally balled when he told me he couldnt love... . like a baby... CLEARLY I loved him... . But I to have some self respect and worth to walk away since he was just having sex with me... Without commitment (downgraded)

The pain is excruciating and in this forum, you can be assured that we all have went through something like that. The best part is, we are here to help and you can take our word when we say " we know what you are going through". Self respect is important and don't ever loose that. At the end of the day, what you do is important and don't feel bad about being selfish in protecting yourself. You are entitled to do that.

If,he cared about me and respected me... Even if he,had moved on in 3 weeks I feel like he would make that private in case I looked... So as not to hurt me. I walked away because I had to... . Not bc I truly wanted to. It was the healthy right thing to do.

If we don't do what's right for us, who else will do it right? You made the right decision and never doubt that. Sometimes, your gut feel is spot on and think back how many times you felt like waking away. Add all that and you know you made the right decision. You are responsible for your own happiness.

Whats wrong with me that I'm not good enough?

Never ever think that. He missed an amazing person that you are. He will keep looking and looking for someone who will be fit for him, but the truth is, how could he if he never seek help and treatment? You on the other hand, will rise from all this pain like the Phoenix rises from ashes and find someone who will treasure you till their last breath. You will think you have found true love in you ex, but you will know what true love is when the right person comes.

When I left him I was grateful for his honesty... . Even felt love and sorrow for him sad I was in such denial as I see more and more his covert cruelty. And its very hard to take. I looked at his page one last time (what I thought was (after our convo and he posted "if you have a crush on me what made you lower your standards so much?" Cruel. Downgraded my authentic love to a crush... Publicly insinuated it wasnt reciprocated. He had told me he loved me days before that. I hate that I put my vulnerable heart in his hand like that. Never again.

I dont know,if I,have the strength to deal with all this. Too much

Don't give that person a hold on your happiness. Don't hate yourself for trusting someone and giving your heart. How can you love when you don't trust rite? You carry on with your life one day at a time and rest assured, you will be happy again. There is nothing else better than to prove to people that try to bring you down that they have failed and you are stronger than they think of you.

Lastly, never give up and loose hope. You can and will come up on top of all this and as they say "life has a funny way of teaching us lessons". So, take this as lessons and use it as a building block of your life.

May god bless you and wishing you all the best from the bottom of my heart.

Take care.

Regards,

Tholian

[Hurtbeyondrepair27]

Thank you guys so much... . I had a lot I wanted to say in response to these things, but today was therapy which always drains me completely. My therapist started EMDR therapy today. We are slowly building up to discovering and processing trauma... . (reconnecting my brain) so I don't really focus on my ex in there right now...

The entire focus, currently, is focusing on my self and reestablishing healthier coping mechanisms through processing previous abuse/ trauma. Which I think is good... so I'm not obsessing over him... I am truly working on myself to heal... so this is my only outlet about him right now... . I feel like it's important I focus on life issues outside of him that affect everything... b/c eventually it will make full circle as to why I continue putting myself with abusive people. I am feeling a little better today... . realizing he is just trying to replace me/make me jealous/being cruel/ really discarded me... . it could be a number of things he is doing... none of which are good... . and all of which point to his lack of respect, regard, and value for me.

It's actually a good thing I saw that (as horrible as it feels) it just pushes me away further. So if he was attempting to make me jealous... . or bring me back through pain... he is wrong. And it really shows his lack of emotional intelligence... that is the LAST thing you should do if you want someone to stick around.


They don't make any sense! I am done trying to understand... I'm going to try and use the skills I am learning to focus on myself... . and letting go. It is REALLY hard though, and I know it's going to take a lot of practice.

I think I use him to validate me and him already moving on, supposedly, and not wanting to be with me in a serious context really made my self esteem crumble... . which is a BIG issue... . b/c he should not have that sort of power over me.

In fact he is the one losing out! I'm out of his league... I'm intelligent... I would have stuck with him, been understanding, and good to him... . now he has to go on the hunt for some fantasy that probably won't be fulfilled... . letting go of the reality of love. Which is what I offered him. I have to keep reminding myself... before I fell for him... he had to work really hard to get me. I did not have him on this pedestal before! I have to find a way back to that place then further disconnection.

I am constantly getting hit on... . and I feel nothing... b/c I must not be anything if he doesn't want me.

But that is such a FALSE belief! He is NOT the end all be all! There are more facts pointing to I am desirable... .

than I am not.

I just had to get logical with it. ;p I think I was grieving more of that feeling of a loss of control (since I'm co-dependent) not being able to control his love or attraction to me.  Which is part of the reason I walked away to begin with! I love him! So I NEED to let him go, and stop trying to control him. It is not fair to him or me for so many reasons. It hurts us both his borderline aside!

I need to let go of those beliefs that he'll find better than me... and love someone more than me.

He said so himself... . he doesn't know what love his. He didn't even want me to leave! HE probably feels rejected and is trying to re focus on someone else instead of fixing himself.

I need to stop thinking that it has anything to do with me... or reflects my value.

It totally has to do with him. He knows he lost out. It's called denial and he is in it.

18 days nc!

[Narellan]

I reactivated my FB during the night last night and read all my exBPD posts. I feel sick and angry. He talks a lot about how he's never been happier, leaving the past behind him and freeing his hands of yesterday's junk. Omg. That one hurt. Yesterday's junk is all I am. I don't regret looking but emotionally he's back in my head again. I deactivated again straight away because I really don't need to see all this. And I know he's still in contact with my ex best friend because the day after I ended my friendship with her she's posted a photo and comment about letting waves wash over you and then take a breath on the other side and he posts a wink. They physically make me sick. It's totally reinforced my NC ever again with either of them. I don't know why but I feel like I lost a bit of power by looking at their posts. I'd been feeling really strong about it all, maybe even a bit cocky and now I've been hurt again by taking a glance at FB. Ill remember that next time I want to snoop.

[1KitKat]

Hurtbeyondrepair:  You ARE good enough.  YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH. 

Repeat after me:   "GASLIGHTING"

Now repeat this:   "BAITING"

I'm not saying that he's not looking around; he may well be.  But the fact that he publicizes it with the knowledge that you will see it is indicative of one of the above types of behaviour.  You are reaching out to see if he is OK, and to see what he is doing, and this is perfectly all right on your part.  He understands instinctively that you can get into his account, and he's going for it.  This is hard.  I just lived it for a year after 17 years of marriage.  Mine just tried again last night; I didn't take the 'bait' and lay low instead.  Now he's confused.  Really, really confused, and it doesn't make me feel any better, either.

Try not to engage, my dear.  It is not what you need, it is just what he thinks he needs.  And, it is what neither of you wants.  That sounds weird, so let me clarify.  He is projecting his own image of himself on you.  Understand that, if you can.  And take care of yourself.  Get that cup of tea and curl up with a book or a good show.  Nurture yourself.  Time will heal this. 

This is his journey, and he will do it his way.  Try to see that; try, try, try.  I know it's hard.  Just remember one thing.  If he's

[1KitKat]

Narellan, I would say the same to you.  We are all living the same thing!

[Narellan]

Same hell different day! I take back what I said about looking last night. I wish I hadn't because I'm back in the ruminating stage. I want to be where I was yesterday. The forage pus one with the control and power. Only over myself that is. Yes I'm amazed by how similar our stories are. It's good to know I'm not alone. This has been my lifeline. X

[Hurtbeyondrepair27]

Repeat after me:   "GASLIGHTING"

Now repeat this:   "BAITING"


I'm not saying that he's not looking around; he may well be.  But the fact that he publicizes it with the knowledge that you will see it is indicative of one of the above types of behaviour.

I was wondering if that was what he was doing... he started posting stuff like that conveniently after I posted a very nice picture of myself b/c I have been hitting the gym like crazy! I must admit I was hoping he would see it... (it was harmless though!) I made it private a couple hours later... . but I have a feeling he checks up on me often... . it just seems so coincidental that he started posting stuff after that now that I think of it! Also what is "baiting" is it synonymous with hovering... . or is it just to make me angry/hurt in general?

Try not to engage, my dear.  It is not what you need, it is just what he thinks he needs.  

What is the point of it? What is he needing from it?

This is his journey, and he will do it his way.  Try to see that; try, try, try.  I know it's hard.  Just remember one thing.  If he's

finish that thought! please !

I reactivated my FB during the night last night and read all my exBPD posts. I feel sick and angry. I'll remember that next time I want to snoop.

I'm so glad I'm not alone! I know that sounds bad... . but I can feel linked to you in a moment of time now! haha

Honestly it's worse b/c now that I have taken the plunge I am back at square one trying not to look again! It made me so sick... I couldn't sleep last night and woke up wanting to puke! Felt better after therapy though!

[Narellan]

I know! I felt so good and strong yesterday and now I can't eat and want to throw up. " yesterday's junk" has really hit me hard, but I think that's how he feels now because I had deactivated my account which he knew so he's not posting that to get a response from me. He genuinely hates me now because I have blocked his means of contacting me or communicating via subliminal messages and quotes on FB . Today I need to nurture myself, starting with going back to bed for a good cry.

[Hurtbeyondrepair27]

aww  yes cry. I would give you a hug if I could.   That's how I was feeling. I was feeling better, all though still struggling at times, and I was definitely getting a little cocky about it. Then I looked and the horse threw me to the bottom of the well! (I just made that up... don't think it worked ;p)

Definitely felt I lost some power in doing that. Mine has no reason to hate me... . It was so clear I loved him, and I was only walking away because he wouldn't commit. Yet by his messages and blocking me from FB I'm presuming he has painted me black to get by... which makes me furious b/c I was so good to him even in the very end.

He broke my heart and was so cold... when I made the decision to value myself and leave. He probably said less than ten sentences... . the night we talked... and the day I went to return his stuff... total! It was nuts walking away without him making ANY sort of effort at keeping me or at LEAST getting closure. Insane.  He did say He could give me "space" and we could be friends... but I don't think he understands... I mean really? I'm going to downgrade myself to friend, watch you date other people,try to manipulate sex from me while I'm hurting inside? I even told him I had to have more self worth than that... but it was clear it hurt me to walk away. I think that may be part of the reason he is angry... he probably feels abandoned. But what he doesn't understand he abandoned me. I wanted to be with him... he didn't want the responsibility but still wanted the perks of having my body. Yet he sees himself as the victim and the hurt one? what?

They baffle me man.

[1KitKat]

Baiting is basically the same as gaslighting. People choose to take an action that they know will invoke emotion in you. So don't go there, honey. Don't react if you can help it. It is easy for someone to say "don't react".  We all know that. And I am not telling you to manipulate either.  I guess it's just about saving ourselves. And you asked why he did it? And whyt he does it? It's a control mechanism. Self protection.  .

The other thing that I can say that I am quite sure of is that he is very probably not happy. But he needs to take his own journey. Just as you are taking yours. And as for finishing a thought, I am so sorry. It was just a cut and paste error. I think I said everything I wanted to.

Hugz

[Hurtbeyondrepair27]

Thanks Kat    He seems very happy on his FB... . but don't we all?

I'm so happy I found this place... . it so nice having support and knowing I'm not alone.

I'm not going to react... . him doing that actually pushes me away more... .

Like I said, if he thinks that will have me contacting him... he is sadly mistaken.

I have serious issues with rejection... and my ego is too wounded! As sad as that sounds... .

but it least it protects me!

And what he is protecting from? What is having me emotional over all that protecting him.

It's just bringing him more drama... .

Slow journey to understanding it all... I need to understand the disorder... especially since it's the second time I have been attracted to one. But it's a happy balance, because I know it's mostly important to take my journey as you say... . and focus on myself.

I can't wait until this grieving and pain is all over.

[Narellan]

OMFG... . Your story is my story. At least you got ten sentences. I only got a few words. " we're just friends" and when I said but you constantly declared your all consuming love for me he replied " we'll I love being with you... " At which I hung up. Kick in the gut after being what he's waited for his whole life blah blah just an hour earlier. I know what the trigger was. I'd just been away with him for 5 days and he was too involved emotionally. I didn't ask anything from him. I didn't want anything to change. I loved him so completely all intoxicatingly. He had nothing to paint me black over. 3 days after this phone call he pursues my friend on FB and now he's seducing her... . Hence the NC with me. I got nothing but grief and 2 lost loves. The cruelty and malicious intent to get back at me bewilder me. What did I do to deserve this hatred ? I loved him unconditionally, that's what. And that's what he can't handle. I know he would be feeling shame and guilt but he is comforted now by my ex best friend. It's such a sad illness. I'm so heartbroken. Still on a roller coaster because I stepped back on to check his posts. It's so hard to ignore the hateful messages. He wanted to stay friends, I didn't argue and I've not had one word from him in weeks since. Friends means watch me f#ck you over some more.

[Hurtbeyondrepair27]

I seriously feel for you dude.   Ha it happened over the phone for me too... wow! That seriously sounds just like him! I even heard MY exes voice to " Well I love being with you" seriously... he would always break up with me too when we getting emotionally close. I wrote him a love letter to be sweet, because he has never had one in his life... it was a totally sweet gesture... and before I gave it to him he asked for a 3some. Causing a fight... well actually I just wanted space and stopped responding (it was through text) and he told me he would cut me out if I didn't respond... so I did... and he proceeded to break up with me anyway when I expressed hurt.

You don't deserve the hatred... neither did I. He broke up with me ON VALENTINES DAY! My friend spoke to him... and there was a misunderstanding... he believed I had said something I TRULY did not... . (I think he knew deep down I hadn't too) he flipped out... . told me he wanted me to die... called me names... then the kicker... exposed a HUGE secret of mine I trusted him with. It was a brutal betrayal.

Next day emailed me... (next day! the night before had been traumatizing with him!total abuse!) I ignored... he then told me he had my tax info  and was going to throw it. I tried finding a friend to tell him no they would get it for me... but he made sure they were blocked so only I could contact.


Responded. Back together within a week. Dude what he did was the EPITOME of cruelty... . the things he said... wow... and Iwas begging pleading... telling him I loved him and there was no way I would ever hurt him. He felt no empathy for me. And I went back! who does that? BTW he laughed about it... . when I asked him not to ... he said that's how he deals with things. Hurt me deeper than anyone in my life... . and he found it funny. It was comical.

If he tried to get with my best friend... I couldn't handle it. You are SO VERY strong. SUCH a strong woman. I am such a depressive I would probably feel suicidal over it. I could not handle that. You have much props from me. I know you are in EXCRUTIATING pain. I know because that's how I feel... and I know if I was having to deal with that one top of the rest... . I would be barely making it.

I am so so sorry... . he does NOT deserve your tears or attention.

He does NOT deserve you.

You'll get through this. We will... together

[Narellan]

Thankyou   I feel awfully weak. But it truly has been too much to deal with at times. I felt suicidal Easter time. Don't know how I got through that. I'd just discovered their secret affair and saw with my own eyes his FB messages to her. He sent her a photo of he and I embraced and kissing on holidays the week before and had captioned underneath " hahahahaha" what does that even mean? And her response was to send him one if herself bikini clad with an "F me now" face. It completely did my head in. The worst betrayal. And seeing them chumming up publicly liking each others stuff makes me sick. I have taken myself out of the game.

[Narellan]

Oh yes! I told him a couple of huge family secrets I'm just waiting for him to expose. Plus he has hundreds of nude photos of me ( tasteful professional ones) and has posted a few on FB without my consent. I don't know why he wants to destroy me.

[dillan6241]

When my exBPDgf left, we both had Twitter and Facebook. I don't know if this is a lack of empathy or what, but we were in contact for about 2 weeks, and within that period I decided to deactivate my Twitter because all she would do is post tweets about how great life is, how I wasn't holding her back, and all these new guys she was saying. So, understandably I decided to delete my Twitter. I don't get this ... . she had called me 1 week after the b/u, and asked why I had deleted my Twitter. I told her ... . really, you don't understand, and HONESTLY and TRULY she just didn't get it, she just couldn't get it through her thick skull that only 2 days after the b/u (a 3.5 year r/s), that I don't want to see all your tweets about how you don't even care, all your new guy toys, I mean what goes through their head? I told her because it hurts to see her tweets, and she was like "Oh ok, I don't understand but Ok?" What the heck!

[blissful_camper]

At least you got ten sentences. I only got a few words.

I got two words. That's better than one, right?  I said, "if I don't leave you, I won't respect myself anymore."  He replied, "I know."  Then (gasp) silent treatment.  Sadly classic. 

[Narellan]

I'm laughing now at everyone's posts. Feel better. I agree What the heck! Within 24 hrs my ex had made a nude of his ex gf his cover photo . And seriously how happy can someone be? Posting every couple hours how happy he is and how great life is. FFS they have no empathy for how we feel. And yes the silent treatment does your head in, doesn't it? FB really is bad after a breakup. I know mine has painted me black. Saw with my own eyes I'm an alcoholism according to him. I don't know what he's told lots of our mutual friends but at a party on sat night they were all very cool and offhandish toward me and didn't mention him. Come to think if it , they barely spoke to me. It didn't stop me from being the first one up on karaoke to sing Neil diamonds sweet Caroline though ) which got the party started big time haha and basically what they think of me is none of my business. The only " black" thing I did was unconditionally love him. It's all about karma. Won't be long before they see through his lying and cheating ways.

[Hurtbeyondrepair27]

Camper thats what I said to him almost word for word! Im seriously feeling like im bonding to this board right now! So grateful! Im not alone!

Nare read my last response in the "make u smile" fb post it was an

Aha moment for me! I think it would be helpful to read bc I really think I was

Right in what im saying. If we just thinl about that we can feel empathy for them

And stop hurting as much!

[Hurtbeyondrepair27]

When my exBPDgf left, we both had Twitter and Facebook. I don't know if this is a lack of empathy or what, but we were in contact for about 2 weeks, and within that period I decided to deactivate my Twitter because all she would do is post tweets about how great life is, how I wasn't holding her back, and all these new guys she was saying. So, understandably I decided to delete my Twitter. I don't get this ... . she had called me 1 week after the b/u, and asked why I had deleted my Twitter. I told her ... . really, you don't understand, and HONESTLY and TRULY she just didn't get it, she just couldn't get it through her thick skull that only 2 days after the b/u (a 3.5 year r/s), that I don't want to see all your tweets about how you don't even care, all your new guy toys, I mean what goes through their head? I told her because it hurts to see her tweets, and she was like "Oh ok, I don't understand but Ok?" What the heck!

That lack of empathy sh*$ really gets to me. Thats basically what that is... . Either that or flat out denial. Either one is just sad. He wouldnt understand a lot of hurt I have felt. Just didnt click for him. He could sympathasize sometimes and I think I confused thst with empathy. I projected too... . I projected him to be a lot nicer than he was bc I didnt understand him. he seemed empathetic... Bc he can mimic... . And he can have limited sympathy... Not the same as empathy. What was hiding underneath was far from whom I thought he was capable of being. I know a part of him can really care. Like when we would make love and he would happily,take me out after... . Then buy ne like 50 in gas ( he showed care through gifts) he just couldnt handle the closeness and would become a different person... . Which totally outweighed those fleeting moments of care

[Facingit]

I have been engaged and broken up with to see that person marry another within a few weeks.  I know how this feels, I'm feeling it right now.  I have lost my father and I am relatively you to have lost my father.  My mom has kept telling me through my whirlwind "you have been through worse, you lost you dad, and his parents and you are still here".  I have known my exBPD fiance for about three years, and I had my father my whole life, and that's what I keep trying to remember.  What that pain was like and I got through it.  Given I probably didn't take enough time to deal with some of those things before I brought another person in my life.  It has to be about healing myself, and to be honest, I don't know how it is going to go, I don't know how I will feel tomorrow.  I will remember a few things as emotional as I am, it's ok to be emotional.  i know if I hold it in I will not feel good.  I tried to use this quote a minute ago but I'm not sure if it went through.  Maya Angelou once said “The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.”  This is really hard for me because I am forgiving, and understand, empathize/sympathize, and have a hard time walking away from people because I am loyal (to a downfall) and at the point in my life that I want someone that is not a cheater or a person that uses others for a night and throws them away.  You will be okay, I like top think about what if I didn't have people like you all to share this with, you are all my support system right now.  It could be way worse, and I know this because what I am going through with a BPD person jeopardized my job the other day.  Tonight I'm still standing, and so are you

[Narellan]

Thank you facing it. That was beautifully worded. I feel like I live on here ATM gaining support and wisdom.