Roller coaster ride.

[pixiegurl]

I saw my ex yesterday. I was with a group of friends, so that cushioned the pain of it. I'm proud to say I carried myself very well, didn't let him steal the joy of celebrating a friend's birthday and carried myself with confidence, even if I was quaking inside. He hangs out with one of my close friends, so he can't be that surprised if we bump into one another now and then.

He left early after telling my friend he didn't realize how much he was still hurting. She tells me he has so many regrets and almost wants to give me the opportunity to scream at him about how badly he messed things up. Even though he blocked me on FB, told me to lose his number and never speak about him to our friends ever again.

Bit then he says all of these things… I know deep down he is just playing to an audience, and that I am completely out of sight out of mind (until I'm in sight). But there is still this piece of me that wants to believe he means it. That he will one day try to win me over again. And those emotions are crazy town, because I KNOW the relationship wasn't healthy and it did so much emotional damage.

I want these feelings to go away. And I don't know if that door will even open to me again (even though I know deep down I want it to). All I know to do when these feeling creep in is to read stories on this forum. They are all the same. The all end in misery…And I still can't shake this longing.

I need a pep talk y'all.

[sirius]

pixie... . u've done so well up to now why step backwards for him?

be strong althought it may still hurt inside... . ya getting there

[pixiegurl]

Thank you Sirus. Truly. Thank you. It's funny how you KNOW things, but sometimes you need someone outside of everything to say them.