It's her birthday today

[tholian]

Hi guys,

It's  my uBPDx birthday today and i have this strong urge to message her. Last year,i cooked dinner and set up a candle light dinner at the beach side for just the two of us.

I know i was never appreciated for all that and ended up getting treated badly (broke off 2 weeks after that). I still know and feel all the pain from the lies, manipulation and cheating but... today is really hard.

I can't go through anymore pain and partly feels what happens if she didn't even acknowledge the greeting.

I want to maintain my NC and I hope i get through this day.

Thanks for reading. Just felt like posting it here.

Regards,

Tholian

[BacknthSaddle]

Get through the day. Every day ends. Tomorrow, it will be a victory for you, and you will feel good.

[Mutt]

Anniversaries, birthdays, holidays are a struggle thorian throughout the first year of being apart. I missed her and her family, but I would forget the negative attributes and memories more so around these times. It helped focusing on the less desirable moments as well, holidays were always challenging, drama filled, and a downer. I actually would be anxious before and during her birthday. It's reminding myself of those feelings, that made it easier to get through a day like your going through today. Hang in there.

[Banshee]

Just went through this birthday struggle... I didn't contact ... glad I didn't. Hang in there you can do it... but don't be surprised if she contacts when you don't acknowledge her birthday, some do... mine didn't.   

[sirius]

tholian... . some days are really hard... . sorry for that, its the same for me too. especially on special days or holidays.

Hang in there, try to maintain NC. My ex BD is coming in 2 weeks time, I may be feeling the same as you... .

Hang in there mate... . its really hard. Mutt from this forum told me "don't try to think what they are up to"... .

[tholian]

Thanks a lot everyone. I'm holding on to my NC so far. I've deleted her number, but the thing is i've memorized it...    can't erase it from my head

I miss her, remember the good times but then again, all the negative things comes pouring down on you like the flood gates are open. It's hard to believe the person you love so much is the one that can cause you so much pain. I remember giving her the birthday gift and he replied to me by "why are you giving me expensive gift, what if we don't make it?" It hurt like hell to hear that as a reply from her on that day... .

Thanks sirius,  I'm trying not to think what she is doing. I just want to get this day over with.

Have a good day people. Take care.

Regards,

Tholian

[Facingit]

Tholian,

You gave me some good advice last night, and thank you for your thoughts.  Today is my BPDex birthday too!  I keep remembering those things we had together, our beach trips, concerts, pajama movie nights etc... which is what I have been thinking about a little bit today.  I have only been in NC for less than a week, but the contact was about her getting the rest of her things out of my house.  I really did think about just saying "happy birthday", but it would feed her, and she is married now "engaged to me and married to another in less than a couple weeks like a movie", so then that would open up the fact that anything is possible.  I have to think about the position I would put myself in.  It is about an hour and a half before the birthday is over.  That gives me strength because I want to contact her very much, but I am here because it helps me to not do it.  I am very conditioned within my heart to want to reach her, but she does not feel anything that I am feeling.

[tholian]

Thanks facing it. For me, i still have 12 1/2 hours to go through.

Keeping busy with work to distract my mind from this. 

[myself]

Patterns. EVERY day is about them. Why not one more, extra special?

Patterns. Proving you're a caring person by being a caring person.

Patterns. Why say anything? Activity? Appreciation?

Patterns. Watch your efforts swirl down the drain.

Patterns. Going NC, if that's what you need, until you're balanced.

Patterns. Starting fresh, experiencing new chances. Celebrate yourself.

[rg1976]

Hang in there. I know it's hard. I just went through the birthday thing.  Just remember how unappreciated you were then. If it wasn't appreciated then, it won't be now. They don't care that you care about them. Breaking NC will just give your power away to someone who truly doesn't appreciate it.

[tholian]

Hang in there. I know it's hard. I just went through the birthday thing.  Just remember how unappreciated you were then. If it wasn't appreciated then, it won't be now. They don't care that you care about them. Breaking NC will just give your power away to someone who truly doesn't appreciate it.

thanks rg1976.

Yeah, I'm trying to remember all the bad things that has happened in the relationship. How manipulative she was, all the lies and false promises she did. I just don't understand how can one person have so much control over our feelings. We know they are the forbidden fruit but the temptation is too much.

It's funny how we can overlook the bad things they did to us, even the things that a normal human being will never do. They did all that to us and they did it without any remorse or guilt yet we long for them.

Still surviving  and holding on with NC.

[rg1976]

Tholian,

In retrospect, maybe it's more accurate to say they don't believe you care about them. This was one of the hardest things for me, I damaged myself trying to show her I cared. I wanted her to know that even though she wasn't perfect I really did care for her.

I wanted her to realize that her words and actions hurt and I wanted her to respond in a loving way and simply say: "Hey, I realize my behavior is terrible sometimes, sorry about that. Thanks for loving me and sticking by me through this."

At the end of it all, realizing that I simply would not tolerate being treated badly by someone no matter how much I love them was helpful.

It's not easy. I still want contact, but I know that nothing good comes of it for either of us.

[Banshee]

It's not easy. I still want contact, but I know that nothing good comes of it for either of us.

:'(

[Tincup]

I recently went through the same thing with my ex's bday.  It tore me up to not message her, but I didn't.  NC is about you and no one else.  It really is a day by day thing, but with each day I (we) feel better.  I used to dread weekends because I would wonder what she is doing.  Now I can't wait for weekends and look forward to them.  I no longer care what she is doing, my only care is about MY life.  I have to tell you that it feels great.  I worry too much about other people at the expense of me.  I am finally learning to put myself first and take care of myself. 

This will pass.  I echo what others said that the first year of everything is the worst (except I recycled so many times that I had already been through the first year a couple of times)... .

[tholian]

I survived the day with NC 

Feeling good. Thanks for everyone's reply and advice.

Tincup, Agree, NC is about me and only me. Breaking NC will have crazy consequences that will push us further into the abyss.

I sat and listed all the bad things she did to me and that helped me to maintain the NC. Kinda sad that we have to muster all the anger to get away from the one we love, but if i don't do that, i will be stuck in this situation forever. I will i can unload my emotional baggage  of her soon.

Have a good weekend people.