Constantly changing tactics?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Hi all,

I haven't posted much on this board so as a reminder, I have a Daughter from a previous relationship.  My DH has two daughters (my stepdaughters).  We are currently sharing my DH's daughters on a 50/50 schedule with his BiPDexW who has attempted suicide multiple times and does not think 50/50 is sufficient time for her to have the kids.

At any rate, my question is this... . is it typical for BPDs/NPDs/BiPDs/etc to frequently change their tactics to see what sticks?  We've seen her do this in mediation and now it's happening while we are awaiting the next phase of court.  One day she is super nice.  The next day she's a raging you-know-what.  One day she is confident she is going to win and even goes so far as to tell him that. The next day she's threatening to file contempt charges.  One day the problem is that the kids need stability and a consistent schedule. The next day, she's asking to have the kids for a special event on our time.  And so it goes.

I'm just wondering if this is typical?  I'm guessing it is.  Can anyone tell me if you have had similar experiences and if so, did the judge figure it out?  What about an Amicus?  Did they see that the story constantly changes to meet the BPD's needs of the day?  Any advice or tips?  We're trying to be as low contact as possible but the kids have a lot of end of school year events right now so it's really hard.

Okay I'll stop blabbing on and on now.  If you have any thoughts or even similar stories you want to share, please do as I think I'd get some comfort or maybe a laugh out of hearing others have been in the same boat.

Thanks and take care.

[DoxieLover]

Hi all,

I haven't posted much on this board so as a reminder, I have a Daughter from a previous relationship.  My DH has two daughters (my stepdaughters).  We are currently sharing my DH's daughters on a 50/50 schedule with his BiPDexW who has attempted suicide multiple times and does not think 50/50 is sufficient time for her to have the kids.

At any rate, my question is this... . is it typical for BPDs/NPDs/BiPDs/etc to frequently change their tactics to see what sticks?  We've seen her do this in mediation and now it's happening while we are awaiting the next phase of court.  One day she is super nice.  The next day she's a raging you-know-what.  One day she is confident she is going to win and even goes so far as to tell him that. The next day she's threatening to file contempt charges.  One day the problem is that the kids need stability and a consistent schedule. The next day, she's asking to have the kids for a special event on our time.  And so it goes.

I'm just wondering if this is typical?  I'm guessing it is.  Can anyone tell me if you have had similar experiences and if so, did the judge figure it out?  What about an Amicus?  Did they see that the story constantly changes to meet the BPD's needs of the day?  Any advice or tips?  We're trying to be as low contact as possible but the kids have a lot of end of school year events right now so it's really hard.

Okay I'll stop blabbing on and on now.  If you have any thoughts or even similar stories you want to share, please do as I think I'd get some comfort or maybe a laugh out of hearing others have been in the same boat.

Thanks and take care.

[ForeverDad]

Not to make a general statement since there are always exceptions, but in a word, yes.

When I first separated in 2005, my ex tried to block my parenting because a few months earlier I let my preschooler tip his bike at a local park and chip his elbow.  Literally, tipped, he was stopped and the skin wasn't even cut or bruised.  Didn't work.  So then she upped the stakes, she started a series of nasty allegations, each one a bit different than the one before, when one failed she tried another and another.  Eventually they became fewer but didn't quite stop, the latest one was for child neglect earlier this year, 2013, of a 12 year old.

BPD represents a life of extremes, all or nothing, flashing from one extreme to the other.  Over all it is what the pwBPD feels or perceives what they want.  Often though it is not reality or even somewhat balanced.  It becomes more evident the closer a person is.  Workplace relationships may have conflicts but jobs are possible.  However, the closest relationship is the family such as a spouse and the disorder is most evident there.

[livednlearned]

pwBPD experience feelings as facts. If it's how they feel, then that's what's real. It's a terrible inner life of emotional turbulence, impulsivity, unstable sense of self.

With my ex, he threw anything and everything to see what would stick. At first, it's shocking. Then it's just weird. Then it gets sad. I have a great lawyer and an excellent judge, and I documented everything. Every case is different, but documenting the behavior seems to be the gold standard no matter what your circumstances are. If she is inconsistent and irrational, and then defiant with court orders, the judge eventually (assuming you always have the same one) eventually catches on.

The bottom line is to keep really good documentation. It's best if all your communication is in email, something that makes it easy to track things.

[WorriedSibling]

I too haven't posted much but I do drop by and read mostly when in shock.  My brother is still dealing with one of these changing tactics wacko.  His ex started by blocking access to his disabled son because he wouldn't sign her made-up crazy separation papers.  Then she moved on to she was afraid of him(her accusations taped were bizarre & if anyone needed to be afraid it was him) and when that didn't work accused him of sexual abuse of their son.  Police and Social Services didn't believe her but assessments still have to be done.  Caused him to spend $70,000.xx in legal fees so far  & still climbing just in the attempt to see his son.  She completely ignores court orders and pretty much gives the middle finger within 24 hrs to the judge and the judge took her to task.  She still considers herself in complete control of everyone and everything.  Her new tactic is poverty, she was either fired or quit her job all in quest to be the look at poor me and what he's done to me.

There is not one word that has come out of her mouth that is truth and these kind of people do nothing but create chaos with their crazy making behaviour.  I don't know why I'm still shocked by her antics, and I'm not sure why I still get sick to my stomach just hearing the insane messages left on his voicemail.  How my brother is still sane after all the years is beyond my comprehension. 

My search now is to find success stories about those affected and to keep hope that she doesn't bankrupt my brother so he can find peace with full access/custody of my nephew.  There was a point where I had sympathy for her but that was many, many years ago before proof of all her secrets became known.  I now consider her not just sick but evil.  :'(