Not even sure were to begin. Think I will first give the shortish version and then my questions. Then the longer version for those who want to read it.
BP men are known to have a thing for inaccessible woman. This is very much the case with my bf. It is driving me crazy. There are days when I can hardly breathe and have chest pains. I get horrible headaches from the tension this situation has created in my life. I wake up in the middle of the night feeling stressed and trying to make sense of it all. I need to get this out. So thanks in advance for reading.
Part of me just wants to be heared, because I am not getting any validation from him.
Some background about him and this thing. She was one of his housemates up until this year. So that made it all the worse. They have never been in a romantic relationship. He claims she's like a sister and that he wants nothing from her, but everything points the other direction. I believe he very much thought the first few months after they became housemates that the 2 of them were establishing a relationship. He is a slow mover, shy around women. She is great at leading guys on and her reputation has become well known. She is seeing multiple guys at any given time. She sure knows how to seperate men from their money and boasts about this. He has spend so much on her by taking her out to meals, buying her gifts, never says anything when she uses his credit card to pay for her crap (she doesn't pay him back), he even use to do all her household chores for her! ... . it's absurd. I can't understand how any half way intelligent man can be taken for such a long ride (3 years!) and still want more. Worst is that he gets so angry at some of her antics, yet he NEVER confronts her about it. He just smiles and tells her its "ok". As soon as she's gone he snaps and shouts at me. He makes me feel as though I am the user b___ in this story when in fact it is her. :'(
We've been seeing each other for over a year and been arguing about this for 6 months. It took me a very long time to realize what was going on. She really had me fooled ( / ). I can't believe how trusting and naive I've been. She moved out of town in Jan, but will keep coming back this way every 2-3 months and stays under the same roof with him when she does!
I really hit rock bottom a little over a month ago when she came back and everything went to hell. Once again I got tossed aside so he could spend time with her. :'( There were many lies. This after things had been going so well. With her out of the picture he started bringing little thoughtful gifts to me for a change (it use to be her getting the gifts!). It felt good to finally get this type of attention from him.
The day she was to arrive back here he told me that he doesn't want a relationship, is ok with being alone for the rest of his life. I was devastated. Only the day before we celebrated our 1 year anniversary. He remembered without me having to remind him or throwing hints. Took off work to personally deliver flowers. All
Then the following day there he is - again he took off from work - telling me this time that he doesn't want "this relationship". I said I find it revealing that he would say that just as she is about to return for holiday. He of course denied a link. Then he said he would like a week long break from me. Again I said it is a hell of a coincidence that she will be in town for that week (half that time he was under the same roof with her). Again he said there was no link, that I have an over active imagination. He left to go back to work leaving me with the words "I hope you have a great day".
I send him a message that same day telling him that instead of a week long break from me he can have 3 weeks. This made him very angry, The break had to be a week and only while she's there... .
He had dinner with her the very night she arrived back. Even came back to where we were staying at the time and in a nonchalant way mentioned it to me with a smile on his face. I said nothing. Was stunned. The following morning he took her to breakfast. This he lied about, but I caught him out and he admitted everything. No apology. No shame. Nothing.
We were still staying somewhere else for a couple of weeks at that time. I left a day early after he fed me some bs story about why I couldn't spend the last night there with him. So I spend my entire last day there cleaning up... . washing floors, cleaning toilets, washing linen, changing sheets etc. Well, guess who ended up spending the last night there with him? :'( I feel like the damn maid who was having an affair with the boss and had to get out because the Mrs was coming back.
Let me also be clear on something: she does NOTHING for him. I have pointed this out to him many times. About how she constantly uses him for his money yet won't even do him the slightest favor. He denies it every time and says she "does a lot for me". When I asked "what" he just stands there with a blank expression. He can't even come up with one little thing. She is well known to be useless, even in the work place. I wrote to her 8 months ago about how she treats my bf, I kept it non-confrontational. After that it was as if she decided that it wasn't worth it anymore to keep on her angel mask around me. She started showing me her evil side almost immediately. Too much details to go into now.
Some questions. Is there anything that can be done about the BP male's obsession with inaccessible women? I haven't been able to find anything online about this. How can this spell be broken? What are some of the things one can say to/ask a BP man with this issue? What is it all about? As long as he keeps her on a pedestal, he will keep me at arms length.
The other thing in connection with this that I need advice on. When all this went down during her last visit I told him that since we are according to him not in a relationship, since it is OK for him to hang out with this user, I think that I too have the right to see other guys. I told him that someone has asked if he could take me out and that I have agreed to it. It is an old childhood friend I haven't seen in many years. I am not looking for anything romantic. He doesn't know the details of my "non-relationship relationship" except that I am unhappy. BPbf just ignored this bit of information. He doesn't know who the guy is, I didn't tell him and he didn't ask. I haven't seen this guy yet, but he wants to get together. I feel odd about this as bf has started being warmer towards me again. Another guy from several years ago has also been phoning and leaving messages for me. I haven't responded. I don't know what to do.
On the one hand I would like to see if I can work things out with my bf and don't want to do anything to upset him. I feel no matter who I am with, he will probably also have issues. So i might as well work on this instead.
Then there is harsh reality. Only last week that b___ posted on his fb wall saying that they need to go out together again. She is well aware that all this upsets me, just as all the gfs of the guys she leads on are upset by her actions and her posts. She clearly gets a power kick out of being a tramp. Problem is my bf 'liked' her post. What this tells me is that he will once again toss me aside when she comes to visit - again to stay under the same roof with him. :'(
I believe he recently got a new phone number that he uses to phone her from. This makes it easier to hide it from me.
I am so tired of this. I have been hurt so deeply by his actions yet he doesn't seem to care. Words cannot even describe the pain he has caused me. It took me to a very dark place and I had to fight to get out of that.
What do I do? Will his eyes ever open or will he continue to be a fool for this gold-digger. Treating her like a queen while I have to be happy with scraps. Has anyone else here experienced this? Please share, and if you can, please help.
Sorry this has been so long. I will give more background on this later (maybe). It will upset me too much to go into it more right now. I have done everything anyone can for someone they love. There is nothing more I can do. Why is he idolizing a tease and a user?
Thanks for reading.
