Still married, but physically do not live together

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Well, so much for 'I'm not going to bait you anymore'.

This morning, I get a text from the ex saying that he's taking some time out 'for himself' and won't be 'around' the last weekend of May.  Remember now, we're still married, but physically do not live together, and he says there is no one else. 

Soo... .   I have a bit of an issue with this, because I've been telling him for five months that I need him to look after our son and the animals on EXACTLY that weekend, because I'm staffing at a retreat.  So, I text back and say 'What?  Why?  Where are you going?'.  He reads my text and doesn't answer for an hour (this is typical).  So I ask again, and he answers 'why do you want to know?'

I realize he's baiting me, he won't tell me where or with whom he's going, just keeps saying 'why are you asking?'.  Predictably, I POP, tell him that this is my weekend to staff at a retreat and that he's known about it for five months - I even sent him a calendar invite, so he knows.  But he raises the subject again of not telling me who he's going with - just that he's going to his friend's cottage, so I text back and tell him that if he had any decency, he'd take our son with him because I have NO ONE to look after him.  He gets more arrogant, and then I really let him have it.  I call him every name in the book and remind him that this is baiting; I know that he wants me to ask who he's going with and where he's going, and that he's putting doubt in my mind again, and then when I pop, he tells my I'm being HYSTERICAL.

He was here all weekend doing things around the house (reno work that he needs to get done - no choice) and after his criticizing session with me on Saturday morning, I stayed away from him for the rest of the day and all day Sunday.  So, he needs a 'bait fix' today.  I jumped right in headfirst, I'm sad to say.

GAH!  I am so frustrated.  I called him lots of names, though, even used the F word more than once. 

[1KitKat]

Well, so much for 'I'm not going to bait you anymore'.

This morning, I get a text from the ex saying that he's taking some time out 'for himself' and won't be 'around' the last weekend of May.  Remember now, we're still married, but physically do not live together, and he says there is no one else. 

Soo... .   I have a bit of an issue with this, because I've been telling him for five months that I need him to look after our son and the animals on EXACTLY that weekend, because I'm staffing at a retreat.  So, I text back and say 'What?  Why?  Where are you going?'.  He reads my text and doesn't answer for an hour (this is typical).  So I ask again, and he answers 'why do you want to know?'

I realize he's baiting me, he won't tell me where or with whom he's going, just keeps saying 'why are you asking?'.  Predictably, I POP, tell him that this is my weekend to staff at a retreat and that he's known about it for five months - I even sent him a calendar invite, so he knows.  But he raises the subject again of not telling me who he's going with - just that he's going to his friend's cottage, so I text back and tell him that if he had any decency, he'd take our son with him because I have NO ONE to look after him.  He gets more arrogant, and then I really let him have it.  I call him every name in the book and remind him that this is baiting; I know that he wants me to ask who he's going with and where he's going, and that he's putting doubt in my mind again, and then when I pop, he tells my I'm being HYSTERICAL.

He was here all weekend doing things around the house (reno work that he needs to get done - no choice) and after his criticizing session with me on Saturday morning, I stayed away from him for the rest of the day and all day Sunday.  So, he needs a 'bait fix' today.  I jumped right in headfirst, I'm sad to say.

GAH!  I am so frustrated.  I called him lots of names, though, even used the F word more than once. 

[Skip]

I can imagine how frustrating this is.  There seems to be some pretty significant fighting going on.

You are living separately now for almost a year... . what is your relationship... . what are the expectations of each other?  Is it clear?  In writing?