Back in from meeting with her psych.

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Have just had an interesting hour with my uBPDw's psychologist.  It was a good meeting (in some respects), although it feels like in other respects things are further gone than I'd realized.  Interestingly, it was coming out of my mouth - ie I'm a lot further out of this relationship than I knew I was, until I articulated it to someone else.  She ( psych) didn't flat out say "your wife has BPD" , which I dont think she's allowed to legally, but she did seem very in tune with my wife's behaviour and state, and I left feeling confident that she's on the ball with regard to my wife.  Which is a good outcome, I was half worried I'd get in there and my wife will have just bullsh**ted to her ... [ ie like the last 'counselor' that we saw]

So an interesting dilemma.  We (psych+I) agreed that we wont do MC with that particular psych - to keep my wife in a good relationship with her, and she's going to recommend someone that we can look at. 

But definitely interesting times.  I didnt really get the sense from the psych that I should expect too much improvement, although it is a possibility.  I'm starting to look at leaving as a genuine option , but have decided to give it 6 months from here.  In that time I'm going to frequent the boards, find my own therapist, resume weights training, focus on doing good things for myself and , I guess, take MC seriously .  I wonder where things will be then ... .

[deflated]

Have just had an interesting hour with my uBPDw's psychologist.  It was a good meeting (in some respects), although it feels like in other respects things are further gone than I'd realized.  Interestingly, it was coming out of my mouth - ie I'm a lot further out of this relationship than I knew I was, until I articulated it to someone else.  She ( psych) didn't flat out say "your wife has BPD" , which I dont think she's allowed to legally, but she did seem very in tune with my wife's behaviour and state, and I left feeling confident that she's on the ball with regard to my wife.  Which is a good outcome, I was half worried I'd get in there and my wife will have just bullsh**ted to her ... [ ie like the last 'counselor' that we saw]

So an interesting dilemma.  We (psych+I) agreed that we wont do MC with that particular psych - to keep my wife in a good relationship with her, and she's going to recommend someone that we can look at. 

But definitely interesting times.  I didnt really get the sense from the psych that I should expect too much improvement, although it is a possibility.  I'm starting to look at leaving as a genuine option , but have decided to give it 6 months from here.  In that time I'm going to frequent the boards, find my own therapist, resume weights training, focus on doing good things for myself and , I guess, take MC seriously .  I wonder where things will be then ... .

[bpbreakout]

Sounds like a great plan 

[an0ught]

Hi deflated,

Have just had an interesting hour with my uBPDw's psychologist.  It was a good meeting (in some respects), although it feels like in other respects things are further gone than I'd realized.  Interestingly, it was coming out of my mouth - ie I'm a lot further out of this relationship than I knew I was, until I articulated it to someone else.  She ( psych) didn't flat out say "your wife has BPD" , which I dont think she's allowed to legally, but she did seem very in tune with my wife's behaviour and state, and I left feeling confident that she's on the ball with regard to my wife.  Which is a good outcome, I was half worried I'd get in there and my wife will have just bullsh**ted to her ... [ ie like the last 'counselor' that we saw]

So an interesting dilemma.  We (psych+I) agreed that we wont do MC with that particular psych - to keep my wife in a good relationship with her, and she's going to recommend someone that we can look at. 

But definitely interesting times.  I didnt really get the sense from the psych that I should expect too much improvement, although it is a possibility.  I'm starting to look at leaving as a genuine option , but have decided to give it 6 months from here.  In that time I'm going to frequent the boards, find my own therapist, resume weights training, focus on doing good things for myself and , I guess, take MC seriously .  I wonder where things will be then ... .

sounds like there is real progress. Having individual therapy with a T that has a clue what goes on (and seems to have also a clue what does not work) is excellent.

Therapy has a good chance with pwBPD to result in considerable progress in the medium to long term. But often the progress from therapy is slow and there are also phases of initial confusing behavior to deal with. So don't get up your hopes too early that you are getting much results quickly from that angle.

Having said this there can be considerable improvements through adjustments of our behavior in the short to medium term. The undecided board is however not the right place to get all the support you need to get there - please start posting on the staying board. There is nothing wrong in occasional posts on the undecided board when you start wondering whether you follow the right path. But you have decided on a path for the next months so it is important to concentrate on that.