how do the uBPDs constantly exceed our expectations of disappointment?

[Parents! Get help here!]

  As I've written before my BPD daughter has been on no contact and then low contact for almost two months.  I have not seen her nor my granddaughter during that time.  For the last 2 days we've been exchanging emails about her student loans that I consigned 13 years ago that she is not paying. She told me they were not going to pay so that in the distant future they could offer a settlement.  I asked what was I supposed to do to my credit in the meantime since I consigned. She said that was my personal decision or I could just use her dad's credit!  She then added that she hoped I could come to peace with this decision since it was best for all. Say what... . I guess I'm not part of all?  I'm so paused and really don't care if I don't see her ever but she's the only route to see my granddaughter.  I honestly don't know that I can take another 10 years of this until granddaughter is old enough to come see us by herself.  I wish grandparents rights were stronger in this state because I would so love to have little contact with my daughter.  I'm a strong person but putting up with her bull is taking years off my life.

I have no expectations of her being a nice sweet daughter but she keeps going lower and lower and I can never fathom how low she'll go.  I guess this is my mother's day gift from her since I know it's all I'll get... so sad. I deserve more because I was a good mother and still try to be though she doesn't appreciate anything I do. I'm lucky to have one kid who cares and would disown her forever if he knew how bad she has treated us.

[mom2bpd]

  As I've written before my BPD daughter has been on no contact and then low contact for almost two months.  I have not seen her nor my granddaughter during that time.  For the last 2 days we've been exchanging emails about her student loans that I consigned 13 years ago that she is not paying. She told me they were not going to pay so that in the distant future they could offer a settlement.  I asked what was I supposed to do to my credit in the meantime since I consigned. She said that was my personal decision or I could just use her dad's credit!  She then added that she hoped I could come to peace with this decision since it was best for all. Say what... . I guess I'm not part of all?  I'm so paused and really don't care if I don't see her ever but she's the only route to see my granddaughter.  I honestly don't know that I can take another 10 years of this until granddaughter is old enough to come see us by herself.  I wish grandparents rights were stronger in this state because I would so love to have little contact with my daughter.  I'm a strong person but putting up with her bull is taking years off my life.

I have no expectations of her being a nice sweet daughter but she keeps going lower and lower and I can never fathom how low she'll go.  I guess this is my mother's day gift from her since I know it's all I'll get... so sad. I deserve more because I was a good mother and still try to be though she doesn't appreciate anything I do. I'm lucky to have one kid who cares and would disown her forever if he knew how bad she has treated us.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[manicmuse]

In Nj I found a precident for the GC called a Psycological parent.

I had full custody for 6yrs and totally took care of 3 of them then.

It just so happens the judge in our custody nattle set that precident.

Do some digging, perhaps with her mental illness you can claim you just want to make sure she has a stable role model to talk to.

HUGGS I know the feeling sweetie!

[pessim-optimist]

Hm... . I am really sorry... . That just plain sucks!

On the brighter side of things - there has been talk about forgiving student loan defaults, which your daughter might benefit from. In the meantime - your credit suffers, though... .

As terrible as it sounds, if she isn't going to pay, you only have 2-3 choices:

Pay it yourself, "come to peace with the decision", and/or sue your daughter for the money (if she has the means - which I am assuming she probably doesn't? Plus it would jeopardize your r/s with your granddaughter)... .

On the practical side of things - I would go and see a financial advisor to figure out what's best for you and your husband - if your credit suffers and you are going to be paying higher rates, it might make sense to switch loans and cards into his name... .

I am really, really sorry. I am sure that if you knew then what you know now, things would be different... . unfortunately in most cases, we don't get the benefit of foreknowledge.

Try to put it out of your mind for the weekend, and go do something special, something meaningful with your husband. You deserve a break.