Warnings Ex and Replacement

[Exeter]

I don't know if this has been discussed and perhaps it has multiple times.

Should I warn the replacement of her condition?  (I think this will have little to no effect)

Should I warn the ex-husband in this case who she has primary custody over them?  I was not the next man, I was the next relationship after the ex-husband, however does he have a right to know about his ex-wifes mental condition?  The counselor came to the conclusion on my last visit with her that she is showing those traits yet it was not diagnosed because my ex stopped going.

If I should tell the ex-husband, what do you recommend is the best way to do it, as obviously I bet we are not friends in his eyes and views me as the enemy.

[Narellan]

In a word "NO"

No good can come of it for anyone. You don't need to play rescuer to the people in her life. I would imagine that backfiring big time, she will see it as you painting her black , and that could cause a whole heap of drama for you if she recipricates and smears you back. Like you said it won't make any difference to the guys she's involved with... . They will just see you as the jealous ex. People have to make their own mistakes in order to learn from them.  if anyone had warned you early on when you were in the first stages, it would not have deterred you one bit. People warned me, and I ignored that and all the red flags.

[Turkish]

I agree with Narellan. Its hard to pull back on being a rescuer; its one reason we and our pwBPD are drawn to each other. I warned myself in a way in Year 1 when I "diagnosed" my uBPDx. A lot of the signs were there, but i dismissed it, even though I thought, "this shouldn't be this hard... . its almost like she has a PD." Four years and two kids later, here I am. Besides, is it really nice to go around calling people mentally ill? Though she was right, Cassandra of myth was thought crazy herself. Protect yourself as best you can, and your children as well. As maddening as it is sometimes, it's the best we can do.