Mother's Day just sucks

[parent of bpd daughter]

That's all I have to say - put it on my tombstone 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[co.jo]

Yes I was joking with my sister that it was the Annual Day of Disappointment aka the day when other people's children do wonderful things for their mothers. Mine was actually pretty good although I did not hear from my bPDD, and didn't expect to. But please read my other post, we know our kids are not going to do it for us, but we can still support each other.

Sorry you had a bad day!

[mywifecrazy]

That's all I have to say - put it on my tombstone 

I'm so sorry for your pain. It must be hard!  I went to see my x-mother in law this morning because my uBPDXW has totally abandoned her. It's so sad. My X-mother in law is the sweetest lady too. My uBPDxw has done a lot of things to hurt me but I can't imagine the pain it must be like for her Mom. She has painted her whole family black and it just sickens me to see her destroy her family.

Her Mom is such a nice lady that she says that She thinks of me as her real son and not an X son in law. Still my heart goes out to her and all you Moms that have a child that has this disorder.

Hang in there!

[socalmom53]

Thank you for saying it out loud!  I was reconciled to not hearing from my BPD kid, but instead I got a cruel text.  It was like being slapped.

I completely agree.  Crummy Day.

[mama72]

My day was mixed. DD17 worked until noon, but did leave me out a card and plant. She came home and hung out with family after our brunch, but had her nose in a book most of the time. Around 3:00, she went to her dad's for the week. Kinda hurt my feelings that she couldn't spend the day with me, but I just embraced what acknowledgment I did get. I texted her a goodnight message before I went to bed and she texted back, "Happy Mother's Day. I love you". So that warmed my heart very much before the day ended. I try to hold onto those glimmers of love, appreciation and kindness, when they are shown, to help get me through the tough times. No matter how our pwBPD treat us, we are still mothers and we have so much love to give. Even BPD cannot eliminate the power of a mother's love.

[PaulaJeanne]

The weather here in New York was perfect, so I actually had a nice day gardening with my husband & hanging out in the backyard with him & the dogs. Didn't see any of my kids or my own mother. My oldest daughter was celebrating her first mother's day, but she sent my lots of pics & videos of my granddaughter, & we chatted twice. Bpdd left for work at 8am & never came home, never bothered to text or call. My middle daughter sent a generic text about 7pm. I responded with "Worst Mother's Day ever, but thank you for thinking of me." I'm getting tired of my constant misery & it's starting to bore me.

[jaynebrain]

I am just thankful that the day is over for another year.  It really hurts to see the posts on facebook etc from thoughtful and loving kids.  Even my non BPD daughter can't manage to get over herself to be thoughtful - I have raised two completely self absorbed kids.  I think the day I need is one to be alone.  That would be much more rewarding.  next stop - fathers day - groan.

[Someday . . .]

Always good to hear that there is company on this day.  Co-jo, I loved your remark about the Annual Day of Disappointment. . I may add that to the way I speak of Mothers Day in the future!   Sigh . . my BPD daughter lives at home and we spoke several times yesterday and not once did she say Happy Mothers Day.  I don't get it . . .   :  ((   

[swampped]

I am reminded of the saying I learned in AlAnon, "An expectation is a pre-meditated disappointment" whenever I think about Mothers' Day.  I think whoever thought the whole thing up should have thought about what they were doing to those of us who have a hard time on this day.  Whether mother, daughter, grandmother, (and I suppose son, father, grandfather too) it is so easy to feel guilty, hurt, or just plain bad on this day that is touted to be so special.  I think it ranks right up there with the Holidays in terms of disappointment for many people whose expectations are not met.  And that is all of us, at one time or another...    Glad it is over!     Swampped

[PaulaJeanne]

Jaynebrain-thanks for reminding me that the best thing I've done since my whole world collapsed two months ago was get off of facebook!  Next I have to stop watching Parenthood. All these happy families with adoring children and problems that are solved in 60 minutes just make me feel even worse.

When I look at the message boards for kids who grew up with BPD parents, I cannot figure out what I did wrong to be so unappreciated & tormented. Those mothers with BPD are so nightmarish... . I may not have been June Cleaver, but I was a loving, involved mom who NEVER abused anyone.

The friends of our kids all say that my husband & I are great parents. So why do I get ignored for mother's day? It really hurts.

I'm going to practice a little Zen on my trainride home & try to know that this moment is as it should be, because the entire universe is as it is.

[lever.]

I went through a period of hating all the"special days".

I have now taken the Zen approach. - everything is as it is.

I have stopped having any hope or expectation at all and I feel better for it!

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[MammaMia]

lever

I agree with your philosophy 100%.  It is what it is and NOTHING will change that. 

The only way to survive emotionally intact is to recognize this is typical BPD behavior.  They will never be loving, appreciative children, and we will never have those "Leave It To Beaver" and "Father Knows Best" families.  Stop thinking it may happen. 

We actually create some of our own heartache by not facing reality.

[Kate4queen]

I heard from my eldest son by phone and he was so sweet and kind to me. My dd is here with us and she drew me a lovely picture. Was also really really pleased to hear from son #3 who has drunk the koolaid of BPD son #2 and hasn't been in contact with us except in a negative way for a while. Well, he was so much nicer and so appreciative of what we've done that I'm beginning to wonder whether son #2's influence on him is waning a bit.

So 3 out of 4 isn't bad, although I still don't feel like a complete mother with the elephant of son #2's hatred in the room.

[neverwentback]

I got lucky this year - my BPDS (31) actually called me up (I was out of town on a weekend getaway) to wish me Happy Mother's Day (oh yeah, and to ask what time I'd be home because he was hungry). :-)

This is still progress - now it's the opening line instead of the afterthought to his needs.  I'm learning to take pleasure in the little things.