When a BPDw goes NC

[cobaltblue]

Served BPDw with divorce papers five months ago. She has gone NC or PC. Is this her painting me black and detaching to pick her next target like a parasite picking it's next host?

[cobaltblue]

?

[david]

If you don't have kids count your blessings.

[mywifecrazy]

If you don't have kids count your blessings.

Yes this is good advice. I have kids with my uBPDxw of 18 yrs. though I am happy... . no ecstatic to be out of her web of lies and manipulation I will always be somewhat involved in her CRAZY WORLD due to the fact that we have (2) kids together. I feel like I have (3) kids. My two loving sons and my X who has always out me in the father role and her as the out of control pre-teen

[ForeverDad]

There are kids in the marriage so it's about more than splitting the marital assets and debits.

My ex too stopped communicating with me.  We had a preschooler and she believed I ought to disappear from her life and my son's life, she even blocked my father-child contact for over 3 months when we were between orders.  She made up allegations that could have sent me away to wear an orange jumpsuit for a decade or more.  Fortunately her allegations were unsubstantiated but the professionals kept letting her make them.  Her first allegations were in late 2005 and her most recent one to CPS was in February 2014. It is what it is.  Probably your case won't be as intense as mine, but you have to be able to take whatever comes your way and deal with it.

My ex delayed and obstructed our case actively and passively.  Actively by allegations.  Passively by silence, continuances and not responding.  So my case took nearly two years to go through the entire court checklist - temp order, mediation, court's parenting investigation, custody evaluation, settlement conference and trial.  Each step took 2 to 6 months.  Interestingly, it was only at the very end - when I arrived on Trial Morning - that my ex said she would settle.  The temp order was all in her favor so she had every incentive to delay the case as long as she could.  She didn't settle until she had to settle.

So it's no surprise she isn't communicating with you.  Besides you being Mr Evil Personified in her black or white perceptions, her dragging it out this way means she's hoping you will give in to her unilateral demands before she has to deal with reality.

[livednlearned]

I don't know about the parasite thing... . that is speculation.

If she has a good lawyer, it could be that she's been advised to not communicate with you unless it's about the kids.

What is your communication like? If you're sending her emails that are reasonable requests to do with the kids, then her NC or low contact could be construed as obstruction. If you are sending her angry emails about picking her next parasite, then you could be portrayed as an aggressor.

My ex took his lawyer's advice about only communicating kid-related things to mean as long as the email included something about S12, then it was ok. So I got things like, "It will be hard to tell S12 that his mother is a whore, but I have no choice."



It's often recommended here that people adopt a parallel parenting approach during the first year of divorce when emotions are still running high. Parallel parenting is the custody version of no or low contact. Depending on the nature of your relationship with her, and her BPD traits, it's not a bad thing that she is low contact.

[cobaltblue]

Yeah kids are involved, pre-teen and teen, so impossible to go no contact.

Guess we will see what happens and enjoy the calm before the storm for now... .

I don't know about the parasite thing... . that is speculation.

If she has a good lawyer, it could be that she's been advised to not communicate with you unless it's about the kids.

What is your communication like? If you're sending her emails that are reasonable requests to do with the kids, then her NC or low contact could be construed as obstruction. If you are sending her angry emails about picking her next parasite, then you could be portrayed as an aggressor.

My ex took his lawyer's advice about only communicating kid-related things to mean as long as the email included something about S12, then it was ok. So I got things like, "It will be hard to tell S12 that his mother is a whore, but I have no choice."



It's often recommended here that people adopt a parallel parenting approach during the first year of divorce when emotions are still running high. Parallel parenting is the custody version of no or low contact. Depending on the nature of your relationship with her, and her BPD traits, it's not a bad thing that she is low contact.

[david]

I have two kids with xBPDw. She goes NC form time to time. I only communicate through email. Our court order states that any email that pertains to kids must be responded to within 48 hours. Email is a good way to document. When ex doesn't respond in the court ordered time frame, depending on the circumstances, I will sedn another email reminding ex of the court order. I usually get a reply within the hour after that. That shows what is really going on.