SD15 and recent events

[Celisara]

I have been absent from the boards for a while due to my job. I was working close to 60 hours a week for a few months there so I was way too busy to be on here. To refresh your memory, SD15 falsely accused a boy of drugging and taking advantage of her at a party back in November. She lied to a police investigator about it then later admitted that she smoked pot and had sex willingly with him.

Well, things had been relatively quiet since mid February when I last posted. DH had to go out of town for work and this Friday he will have been gone two weeks. Well, last Monday I found two used pregnancy tests in SD's bedroom. So, Tuesday I took her in to get tested by a doctor. Thankfully it was negative. I have an appointment scheduled for the 22nd for her to get Norplant put in her arm so we don't have to constantly stress about her getting pregnant. Thursday I came home from work and noticed that the living room and her bedroom were totally cleaned up. SD rarely cleans her room and she NEVER cleans up the living room. So I asked her who was in our house. She told me that her two girl friends were there, but only for about 5 minutes. So I asked her how she managed to clean her room in such a short amount of time. She claimed that one of her friends did it, which made even less sense. I knew she was lying but I couldn't catch her in anything so I left it alone. But then, I go into the kitchen and there is a pizza box sticking out of the trash can. I confront her about it because now I had caught her in the lie. There is no way her friends were only there 5 minutes if they had time to order a pizza. She tells me she was afraid I would be mad so that's why she lied.

Not sure if I had posted about this yet or not, but after all of the crap that happened with the rape lie, DH installed video cameras on the outside of our house so that we could monitor things. Well, Thursday after I caught her in that lie, I looked at the video footage and couldn't see her come home. So I rolled the footage back and figured out that the pizza guy came at 1:45... . when SD should be in school.I rolled it back even more and saw a girl leaving through our garage at 1. I was pissed at this point because 1) SD was ditching classes and 2) there were kids in my house when I wasn't aware doing god knows what.

So I confront her about all of it and tell her that if she wants us to trust her then she can't keep lying to us like this. She starts yelling that she hates me and then storms off to her room. A little while later I go in to talk to her and she starts bawling then reads me a note that she says she had given to her dad a little while ago. It basically said that she feels dead inside and that she has no aspirations for her future. She spouts off all this crap about how DH is the reason she wants to die, but when I asked her what he did that makes her want to die, the only thing she can come up with is that he doesn't let her "make her own mistakes".  Basically, she doesn't like that he wont let her just run wild and do whatever she wants. Anyway, she has been cutting her arms again and there are TONS of marks. She also told me that she doesn't love anyone and she doesn't think that she ever has.

Friday I was talking to my co-workers about the conversation and one of them tells me that I should e-mail SD's therapist and explain the situation so I could get some pointers on what to do. (Not sure if I posted that she was seeing a therapist, but now you know!) The therapist responds almost immediately and tells me that it sounds like SD is clinically depressed and possibly suicidal so I should take her to a doctor immediately to have her evaluated for depression. So, I did just that. The doctor prescribed an anti-depressant and sent me on my way. The weekend went ok, until Saturday night when she asked if she could go see a movie with her ex-boyfriend. I told her no, because she is on a new medication and I need to be with her to make sure that everything is ok. She freaked out and refused to talk to me for most of the night.

If only it all stopped there! Yesterday I called the school because online where we log in to see absences and grades, it showed that SD wasn't marked absent in the classes she ditched on Thursday. I talked to the Vice Principal and she told me that she will figure out what is going on with PE, but the other "class" is Religious release. Apparently there is a church just around the corner from the school where they are supposed to go for that but they don't take roll. Nice. So all semester long SD has probably been roaming around doing who knows what during that class period. She got Lunch Detention for the rest of the school year so at least that solves the problem of her leaving school during her lunch period.

Her mom picked SD up from school and took her to her therapy appointment. Then I get a call from SD13 and in the background I can hear her mom yelling at SD15 to get back in the car. While they were driving SD15 decided to open the door and climb out then preceded to run off to "talk to her friend". I leave work early and go home to find her mom with her two young kids, SD13 in the living room. SD15 is sitting at the dining room table. When I ask her what is going on, she just yells at me that she doesn't want to talk to anyone and that she just wants to leave. She had just finished telling DH that she was going to spend the night with one of her friends.

I decide to let her cool down, so I talked to their mom for a while then the therapist calls me. She tells me that she believes SD is suffering from possible PTSD and/ or a mood disorder. I have no idea what the PTSD would be from because she can't tell me what they spoke about. She gave me the name of a Psychiatric nurse and recommended that I call and set up a time for SD to have an extensive mental health evaluation.

All of this happened while DH was out of town so that means it was all on me(other than today when their mom was here obviously). I am just physically and mentally exhausted. DH will be home Friday evening so I know things will be better then because at least all of the decisions wont have to fall on me. I have suspected for a long time that there was something off balance in SD's brain and it felt really good to hear from a Psychologist that my suspicions are not just me being an evil person, they are valid concerns. DH is stuck on the idea that SD is just manipulating all of us into thinking there is something wrong with her so that she can avoid punishment. I don't see it that way at all. I see all of this as a cry for help. She flat out told me that she feels like everyone thinks she is a monster and she has been trying to tell everyone since she was a little kid that there was something wrong with her but no one would listen.

I think that she genuinely wants things to get better. She has only two friends, one of which I found out today is also suicidal and on anti-depressants. The other girl runs away from home constantly and has been bringing pot into my house when they sneak in during school hours. They are all feeding off each others' issues and it is really unhealthy.

I am just trying to take it one day at a time because I know that is all I can do. I did take a little bit of comfort in an e-mail that the therapist sent me. In a very round about way she made it clear that SD acknowledges all the things that I have done for her in the last week and a half. It's one tiny bit of good in an otherwise overly messed up situation.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[jellibeans]

Dear Celisara

I do remember your story and I am sorry things are still a struggle for you all. Your sd therapist thinks there has been trama in your sd life? Does the T do DBT therapy? What meds is she on now? I suspect that things like this have been going on for sometime but she is only getting cought right now.

What is the plan going forward? Are you taking her for an evaluation? Hang in there... . these are some of the toughest times for these kids.

[Celisara]

Dear Celisara

I do remember your story and I am sorry things are still a struggle for you all. Your sd therapist thinks there has been trama in your sd life? Does the T do DBT therapy? What meds is she on now? I suspect that things like this have been going on for sometime but she is only getting cought right now.

What is the plan going forward? Are you taking her for an evaluation? Hang in there... . these are some of the toughest times for these kids.

I am not sure exactly what kind of therapy the T uses but I can definitely find out. She apparently must think there has been trauma, but can't tell me what it was. She is currently taking Welbutrin but the T thinks that she may need Lithium to mellow her out. DH is really unhappy about putting her on meds in the first place, and putting her on Lithium seems extreme to him.

We are going to have her get a full evaluation and hopefully that will help us figure out what is going on. I did have lab work done at our normal physician and that came back normal so it rules out any of the common medical causes of depression/mood instability.

We are taking things one day at a time right now. Other than planning for the evaluation, she is just going to continue to speak with her T and the T wants to sit down with DH and I to discuss things. We are kind of lost as far as how to handle things at home with her. We can't keep her cooped up in our house and never let her spend time with friends, but she continually gets into trouble with the girls she chooses to hang out with. We have talked about only allowing her to have people hang out at our house, not allowing her to go anywhere without us for a while. From now on, there will always need to be an adult present and we will have to be speaking with the adult before she ever leaves our house without us.

It's a hard thing because if we keep her on too tight of a leash, she could rebel and things could get worse. At the same time though, we obviously can't just allow her to go off and do whatever she wants to.

[jellibeans]

I think that is a good plan going forward. When my dd seems unsettled I tend to have to rein her in a bit. If she goes to sleep at a friends house i always have a conversation with the mom so we are both clear on what the plans are. I tend to let her have friends here more easily and it is less stressful too.

I thought lithium was for bipolar? Does your sd see her T weekly?