Settlement Conf Postponed

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Thanks to uBPDw, our divorce case has been moving along at a pretty good clip.  Although just filed in January, we had 2 hearings in Feb because she filed a bogus RO, which went away when she actually had to produce evidence and then a week a temp orders hearing where she asked for the moon and walked away with $300 in CS which basically covers the medical insurance she pays for the kids through her work.  It was then that she requested a guardian at litem for the kids, even though the youngest is 17.  I told my L to go for it because I have nothing to hide.

We were set to have settlement hearing this morning.  Yesterday afternoon I get message from my L not to worry as we are rescheduling.  This of course intrigues me so I call him.  As a bit of background information, we have 3 kids S17, S18, D20.  Because of school conflicts and a very busy GAL, S18 was only able to finally get in this last Tuesday.  Apparently on Wednesday morning both attorneys spoke to the GAL who delivered news that S17 ad D20 have no intention of having relationship with uBPDw and that he is not going to force them too and apparently her hopes of exposing me as the crazy one had just really not come to pass.   Stbx apparently got very quiet for a while and then directed attorney to begin settlement discussions in earnest.  I think it is finally hitting her.

[ugghh]

Thanks to uBPDw, our divorce case has been moving along at a pretty good clip.  Although just filed in January, we had 2 hearings in Feb because she filed a bogus RO, which went away when she actually had to produce evidence and then a week a temp orders hearing where she asked for the moon and walked away with $300 in CS which basically covers the medical insurance she pays for the kids through her work.  It was then that she requested a guardian at litem for the kids, even though the youngest is 17.  I told my L to go for it because I have nothing to hide.

We were set to have settlement hearing this morning.  Yesterday afternoon I get message from my L not to worry as we are rescheduling.  This of course intrigues me so I call him.  As a bit of background information, we have 3 kids S17, S18, D20.  Because of school conflicts and a very busy GAL, S18 was only able to finally get in this last Tuesday.  Apparently on Wednesday morning both attorneys spoke to the GAL who delivered news that S17 ad D20 have no intention of having relationship with uBPDw and that he is not going to force them too and apparently her hopes of exposing me as the crazy one had just really not come to pass.   Stbx apparently got very quiet for a while and then directed attorney to begin settlement discussions in earnest.  I think it is finally hitting her.

[ForeverDad]

Ah, consequences... . gotta love them despite the sad situation.  File this in the "Ex did it to Self" category.

[ugghh]

Yes indeed she has done herself in.  The hardest part for me has been to be patient and quiet in the face of her ridiculous statements and demands. 

Since the postponement yesterday the stbx has both texted and emailed imploring me to "take control" from the lawyers and work with her to settle.  Uh-huh, I think we will continue to slow play this and see just what the uBPDw consider a "fair" offer.

[livednlearned]

The hardest part for me has been to be patient and quiet in the face of her ridiculous statements and demands.

This has been true for me too. How are you doing with this now?

I found it got easier to remain calm, unless it directly impacted S12.

It sounds like your kids know what their mom is like -- I think this makes it much easier. I tried to be Switzerland with my son, and it actually worked too well. He ended up feeling like he had to deal with everything on his own. I think he learned that from me.  :'(

Glad to hear that she is motivated to settle.

[ugghh]

I am mostly able to ignore her stupid comments, but today I am in a bad place.  Because we now have to schedule around 3 attorneys (GAL) the next date available was 75 days.  Every time I think about it I get angry as it costs me about $2,000 a month extra for her house, utilities, etc. whilst I am scrapping to figure out to pay my rent and my daughters college tuition and  just going deeper into debt.

I find myself getting kind of OCD and ticked off at the whole stupid system.  Blah.

[ForeverDad]

What is a GAL for?  In less than a year your youngest will be 18 and an adult.  Having a GAL is a waste of time and money, isn't it?

Isn't your spouse working?  If not, try to get the court to have her to start getting at least somewhat self-sufficient.  It was a long marriage so alimony of some sort may be unavoidable depending on your state, but still advocate for her to become financially independent.  She'll fight it, though.

[ugghh]

stbx wanted a GAL as she was convinced that somehow I had sabotaged her relationship with the kids.  My L and I both felt it would do nothing but work against her and bolster my case in front of the judge, which it did.  I would have preferred to  without it as yes it was a waste of time and money, but I agreed in hopes it would move her to settle faster.  Yes she is working and is actually quite self-sufficient, although again that is her recurring threat - do this or I will file for maintenance, do that or I will file for maintenance.  Her actual chances of getting anything are very slim given her income, but it would just prolong the process.

[ugghh]

Talked to my L today.  He tells me that he ran into opposing counsel today and that the draft settlement offer has been sent to stbx for her review and we should see it next week!