so disappointed

[tristesse]

I just need to vent... . I have searched to find my BPDD30 a good T. I looked for referrals to anybody dealing with this disorder, and I finally found one, only 30 miles away, she even agreed to treat my BPDD.

I very gingerly approached her with this fantastic news tonight, but she shut me down. She refuses to go because frankly the rest of the family has issues, not her... . and all she needs is med management. Those are her words, not mine... . I am so frustrated right now...

On the plus side there was no rage, no melt down or anything, so at least I am learning to communicate in a better way with her.

I really wish she could see the benefit in therapy and be willing to go. I won't give up hope, she will get better.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Rapt Reader]

Hey, bpetersen514... .

I know you just wanted to vent here, and I'm certainly not going to say not to do that    A good vent now and then helps us all when we need it! And, I'm really sorry that your daughter isn't at the place (yet) where she is able to see that she needs help. However, it's great that you were able to navigate that conversation without trauma, and that is a really good Tiny Little Change (TLC) to be grateful for! But, don't lose the name of that Therapist; just because your daughter doesn't think she needs help today, doesn't mean that tomorrow (or next week, or next year) she won't change her mind.

Here's an Article that might help you with this: Article 6: Helping a Loved-One with Borderline Personality Disorder Seek Treatment

I wouldn't give up, bpetersen514. You've done your research, learned communication skills, made things work a bit easier with your daughter, and found a qualified Therapist! Things are progressing, and the more you learn the more they will progress... . My son was only helped for his BPD (and other) troubles when he was 36 years old, and a year later he is a different, healthier and happier guy    One foot in front of the other, one TLC at a time, and never give up 

[tristesse]

Thank you Rapt Reader. I will definitely keep the information of this Therapist. I am encouraged daily by the little things, like learning a new communication skill that actually works, like validation... . all have been key in our lives over the past few weeks. I love my BPDD very much and have been trying to educate others little by little on the dis-order, hoping they may gain a better understanding of the illness and thus benefitting all. I will never give up on my BPDD, I have seen the sweet loving person that she really is, and I am determined to bring her back.  Baby steps.

[jellibeans]

Dear bpetersen514

I just wanted to tell you I think you are doing great. You are doing the best you can and your dd is lucky to have such a caring mom. Hang in there!

[tristesse]

@jellibeans, thank you for always being so kind. I have found this site to be my sounding board and stress reliever. I have learned so much, and have read so many other parents pain and struggles, they are heart breaking, and even though I have lived in the pits of hell with my BPDD30, I realize we are lucky... . I still have her, she is here and I value her life, probably more than she does herself. I am learning every day, thanks to others here, and am making progress. We will have set backs, and things will be rough and rocky, and mistakes will be made, but I will not give in to them. I will be as encouraging and understanding as I can, and together we will come out on the other side, and we will be stronger. I watch a video on how it feels to have BPD every few days to keep me empathetic and on track. I just wish all of the families being held captive by BPD could find some peace and comfort.

[co.jo]

Just wondering what video you watch?

[Rapt Reader]

Just wondering what video you watch?

I'm not sure if this is the one mentioned, but this video has helped me a lot in understanding the BPD loved ones in my life:

BPD Overview and Documentary - Back From the Edge Video

Here's something else that is good (if we're watching videos   ):

Video--Validation: Encouraging Peace in a BPD Family

[tristesse]

@CO-JO... . I watch different ones, but the one that pulls at my heart and makes me say to myself... . HEY, SHE'S HURTING, is the one entitled  "What it Feels Like to Have Border Line Personality Disorder" by :little miss BPD. you can actually find it on you tube, and it just tells you how a BPD feels, I need to be reminded when things get tough, I get so caught up in my own hurt, that I forget it happens because my BPDD is hurting in some way.

[js friend]

Hi bpeterson,

I just wanted to say to take heart that all is not lost yet on your dd when it comes to t.

Maybe this just isnt the right time for her.

My dd19 had a total meltdown and flipped out roughly 1 year ago when she saw that I was reading a book on Bpd... . Now 1 year later Ive heard her say that she would like to speak to someone about her moods

[tristesse]

js friend,

I am hopeful that she will reconsider, she has actually been in therapy in the  past, but not DBT, so I believe she is afraid of the unknown, and taking her time to think about things. I am the ever hopeful mother.