Hello Stargirl14,
Please feel welcome and make yourself at home here - you did wonderful in your first post on the Parenting forum!
Most of us Parents somewhere along the way get into that pattern of walking on eggshells and doing more and more for our BPD child, while they become more and more dependent on us and do less and less on their own... . It's kind of a self-feeding process. You are not alone, Stargirl14
The way out of this all depends on how bad and unbearable your situation is... . If it's not too bad, you will probably get the best results with what we call baby steps or tiny little changes (=TLCs).
Also, reading up on BPD, understanding it well, and understanding how important
empathy and
validation are in the process of setting boundaries will be invaluable.