Here is my experience with my uBPDex GF...

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

Hi All,

Hopefully I am posting this on the right forum. If I havent please move to the appropriate forum .

Here is What I experienced during my relationship with an undiagnosed BPD ex GF. I saw all the traits there, but it took me a while to realize what I was dealing with... I just dont know how anyone can be this crazy without any sort of mental issues.


Note : In the first months of our r/s she told me that someone (She said it was my ex) had thrown eggs at her door and put peanut butter at her car door hundles... I confronted my ex and she said What the heck? are you talking about? Now, that I think about it she fabricated all this to hate my ex more. WOW!


1. lying where she was all the time (I found out later she was always at different pubs)

2. Coming home reall drunk (After her prior telling me she would only have 2 drinks max) with puke all over her and lied where she was. Later I found out she was   dancing with some guy got her drunk and drop her off at home (Who knows what happened that night). I asked her where she's been all night and she told me that she was with her gf and got a cab home> ( I saw when you got dropped off and it was not cab)

3. Starting fights for minor things

4. I didnt get anything for v-day (no card, nothing), her reasoning was that guys should do that for girls only.

5. She got confrontational ,angry, Name calling,insulting when drinking (i.e she would smake me in the face if i kept talking)

6. There was always fights when on holidays... ALWAYS !

7. Silent treatment all the time, sometimes even for 3 days

8. Got kicked out of the place 3 times

9. Got kicked out of the place on my bday, RIGHT AFTER SHE KEPT TELLING ME SHE    LOVED ME WHILE WE WERE ON HOLIDAY? sigh !

10. Got dumped for her bday (2013) was not there for her last bday.

11. got told I dont listen, my communications skills were bad

12. I was told to speak English (English is my 2nd language)

13. I was told not to eat, drink , chew gum, and cough to loud

14. I did the dishes all the time, Did both of our dishes, but she NEVER did mine?

15. went out and never texted me or called me letting me where she was ... . If she did, was like 3 or 4 hours later after I had sent a text to let me know where she is becuase I was worried. ( basically she ignored my texts)

16. Always getting so drunk that I had to take care of her on holidays. Basically Babysitting a child.

17. I recall one day we had an argument and she said this to me in a creepy voice " you hurted a child" I cand stand you , I hate you. Till this day that hunts me really ... Creepy!

18. you keep coming back because you are afraid to leave alone ? I am not sure what this meant? Maybe I am co-dependant?

19. Physical abuse, I remember when camping I was on the phone talking to a friend and she tought I was talking to my ex for no reason. She hit me with a lanternd and cut my arm which left a scar.

20. I remember on one of the numerous fight we had she went into a rage and stared throwing shoes at me from her shoe rack. One of them hit me on the face and I am glad I didnt get one of the high heels in the eye or something...

21. She just could not control her alcohol, After drinking 4+ drinks ... everything went to ___.

22. Sometimes she used to text me that some guy is being creepy on the train ( we commute to work) and I should pray for her so she comes out alive. I dont get this? Was she trying to see if I am going to be the white knight?

22. She seemed that she was always the life of a party. Attention seeking all the time. It got annyoing really.

23. I got kicked out of 3 pubs because she seemed to flirt with guys and some guys would cling to her and I had to fight them off basically. But know I realize, that she did this in order to feel herself wanted.

At the very end of the relationship she asked me to borrow her money because she went over her budget... I was thinking to myself ... REally? Did she just asked me that?

I was shocked.

I am Really not sure whey I kept coming back after 4 breakups... . I do wonder if there is something wrong with me for putting up with all of this. It's insane really.Another thing is that I found odd is, when we saw her ex at a pub or a restaurant he basically ran out of there. All I think is, he went thru the same crap I did (They

were together for like 7-9 years).

She told me that she cheated on her EX 3 times ( She told me it was ok tho, because it was during the breakups she cheated on him - I should have GTFO right then and there ) Now, I believe he detested her for what she did to him too. That is my guess tho... Who knows why he ran away all the time, but that makes sense.

I feel like Sh*t in 2 years, I couldn't imagine what that guy put up in 7+ years.I hope I can find a decent normal gilr, there is no way all girls are like this... . At least I hope not.

The funny thing is,  like you all have said on here. There were a lot of orbiters asking her if she was done with me, or if she had broken up with me yet. Sigh! I am still hurting from all of this... I think I am depressed. I lost 45 pounds in this ordeal.

Any Feedback would be appreciated.

[Notsurewhattothinkofthis]

Hi All,

Hopefully I am posting this on the right forum. If I havent please move to the appropriate forum .

Here is What I experienced during my relationship with an undiagnosed BPD ex GF. I saw all the traits there, but it took me a while to realize what I was dealing with... I just dont know how anyone can be this crazy without any sort of mental issues.


Note : In the first months of our r/s she told me that someone (She said it was my ex) had thrown eggs at her door and put peanut butter at her car door hundles... I confronted my ex and she said What the heck? are you talking about? Now, that I think about it she fabricated all this to hate my ex more. WOW!


1. lying where she was all the time (I found out later she was always at different pubs)

2. Coming home reall drunk (After her prior telling me she would only have 2 drinks max) with puke all over her and lied where she was. Later I found out she was   dancing with some guy got her drunk and drop her off at home (Who knows what happened that night). I asked her where she's been all night and she told me that she was with her gf and got a cab home> ( I saw when you got dropped off and it was not cab)

3. Starting fights for minor things

4. I didnt get anything for v-day (no card, nothing), her reasoning was that guys should do that for girls only.

5. She got confrontational ,angry, Name calling,insulting when drinking (i.e she would smake me in the face if i kept talking)

6. There was always fights when on holidays... ALWAYS !

7. Silent treatment all the time, sometimes even for 3 days

8. Got kicked out of the place 3 times

9. Got kicked out of the place on my bday, RIGHT AFTER SHE KEPT TELLING ME SHE    LOVED ME WHILE WE WERE ON HOLIDAY? sigh !

10. Got dumped for her bday (2013) was not there for her last bday.

11. got told I dont listen, my communications skills were bad

12. I was told to speak English (English is my 2nd language)

13. I was told not to eat, drink , chew gum, and cough to loud

14. I did the dishes all the time, Did both of our dishes, but she NEVER did mine?

15. went out and never texted me or called me letting me where she was ... . If she did, was like 3 or 4 hours later after I had sent a text to let me know where she is becuase I was worried. ( basically she ignored my texts)

16. Always getting so drunk that I had to take care of her on holidays. Basically Babysitting a child.

17. I recall one day we had an argument and she said this to me in a creepy voice " you hurted a child" I cand stand you , I hate you. Till this day that hunts me really ... Creepy!

18. you keep coming back because you are afraid to leave alone ? I am not sure what this meant? Maybe I am co-dependant?

19. Physical abuse, I remember when camping I was on the phone talking to a friend and she tought I was talking to my ex for no reason. She hit me with a lanternd and cut my arm which left a scar.

20. I remember on one of the numerous fight we had she went into a rage and stared throwing shoes at me from her shoe rack. One of them hit me on the face and I am glad I didnt get one of the high heels in the eye or something...

21. She just could not control her alcohol, After drinking 4+ drinks ... everything went to ___.

22. Sometimes she used to text me that some guy is being creepy on the train ( we commute to work) and I should pray for her so she comes out alive. I dont get this? Was she trying to see if I am going to be the white knight?

22. She seemed that she was always the life of a party. Attention seeking all the time. It got annyoing really.

23. I got kicked out of 3 pubs because she seemed to flirt with guys and some guys would cling to her and I had to fight them off basically. But know I realize, that she did this in order to feel herself wanted.

At the very end of the relationship she asked me to borrow her money because she went over her budget... I was thinking to myself ... REally? Did she just asked me that?

I was shocked.

I am Really not sure whey I kept coming back after 4 breakups... . I do wonder if there is something wrong with me for putting up with all of this. It's insane really.Another thing is that I found odd is, when we saw her ex at a pub or a restaurant he basically ran out of there. All I think is, he went thru the same crap I did (They

were together for like 7-9 years).

She told me that she cheated on her EX 3 times ( She told me it was ok tho, because it was during the breakups she cheated on him - I should have GTFO right then and there ) Now, I believe he detested her for what she did to him too. That is my guess tho... Who knows why he ran away all the time, but that makes sense.

I feel like Sh*t in 2 years, I couldn't imagine what that guy put up in 7+ years.I hope I can find a decent normal gilr, there is no way all girls are like this... . At least I hope not.

The funny thing is,  like you all have said on here. There were a lot of orbiters asking her if she was done with me, or if she had broken up with me yet. Sigh! I am still hurting from all of this... I think I am depressed. I lost 45 pounds in this ordeal.

Any Feedback would be appreciated.

[Narellan]

WOW ! All I can think is wow, you put up with a lot. At the end of it, it makes us feel kind of crazy ourselves doesn't it? I'm so glad you found this site. I was confused and hurt like you and this site was my lifeline. How long since you've been out of this relationship? All I can think is well done you. You put yourself first.

When I look back on my 22 year marriage I wonder why I stayed so long, putting up with all kinds of abuse. My body in the end, said enough is enough. I got sick and depressed and lost 18 kgs, I was small to begin with. The stress of not being able to make a decision impacted my health in a major way.

You are on the right board if you are definite about leaving, or have left. If you're still in contact or unsure if you will be, L2 undecided board would also be valuable for you.

You sound to me like you're starting to come out if the fog and questioning your part in this. There are lots of resources on this board for detaching.

Many people in this board will share similar stories to yours, and it's a wonderful place to learn and be heard. I'm glad to see you here.

[AwakenedOne]

12. I was told not to eat, drink , chew gum, and cough to loud

Hi Notsurewhattothinkofthis,  

That reminds me of my ex. She got mad that I swallowed my drinks too loud sometimes. She would look at me like I was a disgusting animal. All this for a tiny little swallow sound that is normal. Hang in there, we are here for you.

Peace,

AO

[Notsurewhattothinkofthis]

Hi Narellan and AwakenedOne,

It's been a a couple of weeks I havent talked to her since I moved out. I am pretty sure, this is the end for sure. I believe she is onto someone else now (Gut instinct).  see, I did everything for this girl, I rubbed her feet, massaged her back, was there for her when she complained about work and tried to be there for her as much as possible. 

I just can't comprehend what girl wouldnt want that? see, first of all, we were 12 years apart. Im older than her. I thnk that may be a factor in all of this ... who knows really. I chased her right from the very beginning. I thought she was beatifull and the girl that I always wanted to be with. I am a quiet guy by nature, but I like to have fun at times. See, about 3 years ago, she tried to kiss me at a pub (We used to work together) and I said to go home cus she was drunk. Since then, it seemed that wherever I was, she was too. So I thought, ok why not, I'll give this a try. I sort of new what I was getting myself into really, (I had seen her drunk before and how she behaved), But I didnt know how bad this was going to get. I mean, right of the bat, she told me she hated men (In my mind I was thinking ... hmmm well, if you hate men... how come you are with a man... Me! ). I really dont know what to think of this really, all the fights we had is because she started it really. It got to a point that I just didnt say anything when she got in that hostile mode. I was like a beaten dog really.

I held back to say anything because I knew the argument would escalate and get worse. I loved/love that girl to death, but really I think I just have no option here, but to suffer the consequences of me getting involved with her and move on. I really really dont know if I can look at a girl ever the same. Hopefully there are women out there that can offer true love. I really do. I am resigned to live alone for the rest of my life if that's the case. I dont want to suffer like this ever again really.

[Tired_of_this12345]

Not sure what, 

I can totally relate.  I felt like I did everything for my BPD ex gf also.  I have a child so I was not able to be with my ex all the time.  Basically I lived at my house with my child half the time and with my ex half the time.   I was always doing for her:  foot massages, massages, taking care of her kids,  making dinner,  cleaning her house, doing laundry, dishes, shoveling snow, cutting grass, etc.  She would constantly complain about everyone else in her life, and how they were so horrible.  But she was as nice as could be to their faces.  And then she would act miserable when it was just me and her.

I remember going through trying to discover what she did for me, and there was not much that she ever did for me.  Sometimes she made me breakfast.  I stayed around for way too long,  but I am finally free.  NC for a month now(feels like several months), but I feel better.  I have just been informed by a friend that she posted how she is in a relationship on Facebook with the best man she has ever met.  Just more proof of the kind of person she is.  She wants a reaction but she won't get one.

[bungenstein]

It all sounds pretty horrendous, I'll share some of the more interesting experiences too, because I trick myself into believing she is this wonderful person I have in my head, when she isn't. I found myself doing it in the relationship aswell, when she wasn't there, and we were communicating via text, I had this wonderful image of her in my head, but when she came home, she wasn't that person.

1. The very first day I met she ended up snapping at me because I told a girl who was upset because she my ex was flirting with me, who was friends with the guy my ex was seeing at the time, that I understood why this girl was upset.

2. She asked to go on a date with me, but wouldn't end it with the guy she was already seeing, eventually I gave in. On our first date she ended up drink driving back to my house, and skived off work the next day, she ended it with him a couple of days after.

3. Her first blow up was the day before I was going to Amsterdam (a few weeks into the relationship) with my friends, she tried to end it there and then and the whole experience was very weird and scary, I managed to calm her down and it was all ok in the morning, later on in the relationship she said my trip was out of order and hoped I'd never do something like that again without her.

4. Her second blow up was in a club, when her and her girlfriends were dancing in a circle, I came over and said let me get involved. To which she went insane and started accusing me to want to sleep with her friends, she then said I wasn't welcome to stay at hers that night and told me to go home, again she calmed down and suddenly it was all fine.

5. Her third blow up was a night out again, because I didn't sit next to her in the taxi, she started getting irate and wanting to get out of the taxi. She spent the whole night avoiding me, then snapping at me, then after the gig, she chased me around town throwing accusations at me, chased me into mcdonalds, into the toilets, to the train station, down the train shouting at me infront of everyone. Then at the other end, she burst into tears saying she loved me but didn't want to.

5.a. We were at two of my best friends wedding, she ended up being rude to the other girls there, started splashing water on them, then when these girls said they didn't much like her, she went into a rage at me, and started chasing me around the wedding going mental at me infront of everyone for not having a go at these girls, who were my friends. I had to leave the wedding early and missed an important day.

6. She used to say she couldn't handle the way she felt about me, didn't want to feel that way about me, told me she was obsessed, and hated it. She said she'd rather go out with someone she didn't care about, because it would be easy, and she wouldn't feel this intense feeling, but it was too late now, because she loved me.

7. She locked me out of her house when I was late, because I was looking for my grandpa who has dementia, who had gone missing.

8. She used to get drunk, then invite me over, and let me have it. Saying that I didn't do a b c and d, and that she could go out and get someone else whenever she wanted. So I'd say fine, go on then and try to leave, but she'd then do anything to get my to stay, throwing herself infront of the door, she'd then say don't worry its all ok in a really weird voice, and say come and have sex, its ok, we can have sex, it just freaked me out, it was like something out of The Shining.

9. She used to cry after sex sometimes, and say how she just wanted to please me, and to tell he what to do and she'd do it, she would be incredibly nervous and shy about her body, and say that it was just around me, because she felt such pressure to please me, when I never put any on her.

10. Once she was raging so bad, I managed to get out the house (normally she'd throw herself infront of the door crying), and go and lock myself in my parents house, she then ran around the house banging and kicking every single door and window she could find, then screaming like she was being murdered, I had to write her text on my phone and hold them to the window, asking her to go away, calm down, and then I would come out.

11. Once she chased me out the house with a glass bottle threatening to smash it over my head, I got it out her hand and threw it in a bush.

12. She once ran at me arms flailing trying to hit me, I pushed her off me onto the bed, she then started the screaming like she was dying saying I'd broken her ribs and she couldn't breathe. I just ignored it and went downstairs and funnily enough she stopped.

13. She would lose it at anything, any female friends I had, anyone that spoke to me online, anyone I had to deal through business, even when I put a film on with a semi attractive girl in it, she would go mad.

14. Towards the end, we went to a bonfire night at my friends, she secretly brought coke along, got wasted, spent the whole night telling me how much she loved me, before losing it and ripping my top in half.

15. She used to hide my stuff, my car keys, my phone, my headphones, my mouse, my ipad.

15. One of the strangest things she did, was after she moved out of my house, she planted 21 pair of her knickers in random places around the house.



Why do I keep tricking myself into believing she is this wonderful girl when so much evidence is stacked against her?

[Notsurewhattothinkofthis]

8 and 9 are just exactly what happened to me as well. Just crazy!  She used to want to pay me with sex basically, After I had enough and got p*ssed off.

Oh and did I mention her driving? She drove like a F1 car driver. Very agressive. I hated being the passanger when she drove. when I got out that car, I was ready to throw up. According to her , everyone else drove slow.

Her drinking was out of control, She drank at least one bottle of wine a night. I would say she is a high functioning uBPD. I took her to meet my folks last summer. She decided to get so wasted out of her mind and puked all over at the camping site where my family was staying. I could not believe it. They all looked at me, basically thinking what the F are you doing with this girl. I was so embarrased and took her to our camping site early, so she could pass out.  Who the hell does that really ? Since then , my folks didnt like her, They didnt tell me but I could sense it . She was not the type of girl that they have seen me with before.

The weird part is that I love that girl. I tried to "Fix her" and get us to be together and move along and be succesful together. I couldn't win with her, I think I was holding her back cus she wanted to go out to the bar and get wasted and pick up different guys everyweekend. I believe, I was a roadblock to her to meet guys and do the crazy things she is used to.

It is just too bad, cus she is a beatifull girl. But that's it. She does come across like this sweet, Humble , nice girl to everyone else. But there is a really dark side of her that I don't think too many people know.

8. She used to get drunk, then invite me over, and let me have it. Saying that I didn't do a b c and d, and that she could go out and get someone else whenever she wanted. So I'd say fine, go on then and try to leave, but she'd then do anything to get my to stay, throwing herself infront of the door, she'd then say don't worry its all ok in a really weird voice, and say come and have sex, its ok, we can have sex, it just freaked me out, it was like something out of The Shining.

9. She used to cry after sex sometimes, and say how she just wanted to please me, and to tell he what to do and she'd do it, she would be incredibly nervous and shy about her body, and say that it was just around me, because she felt such pressure to please me, when I never put any on her.

[StayPositive]

You are definitely in the right forum here.  I can relate to most of this.  All that I can say is that BPDs are wired differently.  My exBPD told me that all her ex’s left her and she doesn’t trust guys anymore.  Of course, now I know why.  The only reason why I still hang on is because I know her for so many years.  I hope that she can finally get to the ground of all this – because she is VERY intelligent – but this makes it maybe even more difficult.  I think that she is completely convinced that she is doing the right thing. 

Stay Positive!

[Notsurewhattothinkofthis]

Thanks SP,

I'm not sure how to proceed or cope about this . I will try to keep as busy as possible I suppose. This has made me bitter really , I don't want to feel or be like this again it will be a long time I trust a woman again. I gave her all I could and was willing to give all to her to make us work . But that wasn't enough . I'm so lost and I know I'm going to be lonely this summer. Which sucks, but there is not other option. I'm hurting and not sure how to stop the pain really. I'm pretty sure she is with some other guy now . Another thing is that she turned her two friends against me . It seemed the 3 times we hanged out , they seemed pissed off at me. I believe , she told them how ___ty I treated her I bet . Why else would they be pissed at me for ? I barely knew her friends. 

[AwakenedOne]

Oh and did I mention her driving? She drove like a F1 car driver. Very agressive. I hated being the passanger when she drove. when I got out that car, I was ready to throw up. According to her , everyone else drove slow.

Many times my ex drove like a lunatic to torture me and get even with me for whatever she was mad about. It was extreme no rules driving. If I said one word to her at this point she drove even wilder. I just kept silent and checked my seat belt to make sure it was secure. When I got home I got the F away from her and took a walk. Then she usually would try to find me with the car or chase me on foot through the neighborhood in a rage. WOW

[Notsurewhattothinkofthis]

As much as I love her and miss her , I know that I won't be dealing with the cr*p she put me thru. Her good looks will fade quick because of her life style. It will be only the shell of her later in lif, and that will be sad . I know that my pain will pass , unfortunately her problems won't never end. I almost feel sorry for her even what she has done to me and her prevoius ex's.

She is trapped in that persona . I know that will take a lot , but eventually I will get better... . she won't !