Toddlers / psychological damage?

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hi

I moved to "undecided" and are now with "moving out" ... .

Need some advice please. I know that I an in the "law" area now and it seems to be the most appropriate

I had lots of problems the past 10 years of a cheating wife, etc, etc and have come to the decision that we will never be happy together as the past 10 years was going through hell and back

Anyway- what is in my favour for asking for custody of our 2 toddlers

   and what is against me ?

I'm thinking of using possible psychological damage that can be done to my kiddos

I am in South Africa, but I don't think it matters, as if the psychological  damage done to a toddler in Canada is the same as in RSA

Any reading references also welcome please

Tx

Fanie

[Fanie]

Hi

I moved to "undecided" and are now with "moving out" ... .

Need some advice please. I know that I an in the "law" area now and it seems to be the most appropriate

I had lots of problems the past 10 years of a cheating wife, etc, etc and have come to the decision that we will never be happy together as the past 10 years was going through hell and back

Anyway- what is in my favour for asking for custody of our 2 toddlers

   and what is against me ?

I'm thinking of using possible psychological damage that can be done to my kiddos

I am in South Africa, but I don't think it matters, as if the psychological  damage done to a toddler in Canada is the same as in RSA

Any reading references also welcome please

Tx

Fanie

[Ihope2]

Hi Fanie

I am also in SA, but my situation (in process of divorcing BPDh of 11 months) does not involve minor children.

I think the best thing for you would be to find a divorce specialist lawyer near you, but also one who is a bit clued up about personality disorders too.

Does your wife have a lot of access to finances?  If she does and she is in a fighting mood, she will probably get her own lawyer and try to fight you all the way.

If not, she might try go to the Legal Aid Board, as my soon to be ex BPDh tried to do. In the end, we agreed on a settlement (I am paying him rehabilitative maintenance for the next 2 years) and I am just waiting for my trial date in Court now.

Good luck. One thing I have noticed, is that the Courts in our country are very focused on the wellbeing of the children when it comes to divorce.

If you can get concrete proof of your wife being an unfit mother, and if you can start keeping written notes of what happened when in respect of the children and how she treats/neglects them, that will certainly help you in Court.

Many years ago, it was almost unheard of a father getting custody of his kids in SA, but now I think the Court is more progressive and they do decide in the favour of the father when all the evidence points to the mother being an unfit mother. 

[Fanie]

Thank you for your post

You know this BPD is a real bugger

I'm drifting from, staying, undecided to moving out

I guess depending on the temperature at home

(codependent after 12 years!)

We both don't have the money and we both don't qualify for Legal Aid !

Catch 22 (income group outside qualification), must be below R 6000 pm)

If there is someone in RSA with reported cases of farthers that

were awarded in our in favour due to any type of personality disorder

courts on this will be highly appreciated

[Ihope2]

www.capetownlawyer.co.za

I feel for you and your kids.  When I was looking for info re: changing my marriage regime (we defaulted into community of property) and then divorce, I found above website.

Why not email this lawyer for some preliminary free advice?  Maybe he can point you in the right direction. 

It's a pity but divorce is a costly thing, especially if you can't do an uncontested divorce.  I am sure lawyers can give you payment terms, so that you can pay it off in installments.

Good luck, whatever way you go.  I know the ambivalent feelings of not knowing if the situation can still be saved or not, and I did not even have kids to think of.