Formflier intervened in a bullying event...

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

DH and I send our prayers and all positive energy. You were actually part of our conversation tonight - that is, I had described  the situation to DH and asked what he felt helped the most. Actually, he said (without my having seen that you spoke with DSS, that our state's CPS (Child Protective Services) put the fear of God into her in a way that DH's love or family leadership or authority no longer held. Had DH not been 100 miles away at his command, he might have been pulled into the situation himself, but it was clearly reported by the school counselor as the ex's abusive action only.

It's difficult to say at this point if DSS can crack your wife's shell of righteousness, or defensiveness... . but know that you have others who have been in similar circumstances and understand the journey.

[GaGrl]

DH and I send our prayers and all positive energy. You were actually part of our conversation tonight - that is, I had described  the situation to DH and asked what he felt helped the most. Actually, he said (without my having seen that you spoke with DSS, that our state's CPS (Child Protective Services) put the fear of God into her in a way that DH's love or family leadership or authority no longer held. Had DH not been 100 miles away at his command, he might have been pulled into the situation himself, but it was clearly reported by the school counselor as the ex's abusive action only.

It's difficult to say at this point if DSS can crack your wife's shell of righteousness, or defensiveness... . but know that you have others who have been in similar circumstances and understand the journey.

[KateCat]

She patted my hand said there was no problem.

I called her from outside the door... . and implored her to reconsider... . that I loved her... . that I wanted to heal family but the refusal to be accountable for the committments was worrisome.  She again said there was NO issue here. 

Very disturbing sign. No one here can diagnose this as psychosis, but this can be typical of the attitude of a person suffering from psychosis. I think the blood really does run cold when we realize we don't have a partner anymore.  :'(

[formflier]

 

So... . I'm at DSS right now... . people are being interviewed.  I have also put this post on legal.


Right now we are all at DSS... . people are being interviewed.

My wife has called 911... once before we moved and twice since we have been here... . and the calls down here... . she just wanted to tell them about me... . I have not listened to the calls.

I am a senior public official... . really not trying to be to specific here... . but I am a very public person.  I have written proof she has threatened or insinuated that she will "out" me and affect my career.  "Wouldn't it be too bad if everyone found out about you... "

She has posted ridiculous theories on facebook... . then deleted them.  Claims they were never there... . I screen prints.

I will not know the outcome of tonight... . but I am not turning back.  More later



My goal is safety of kids. 

Secondary goal is to not get pushed aside by what I know is coming.

uBPDw has said that we are through... . I don't mess with her kids... . she won't let me get away with it.

She coached kids to "not spare daddy's feelings."  You guys better tell the truth or they will take you away from me... etc etc.

I have all of this recorded.  I mentioned several times I that I thought this was inappropriate... . she rebuffed that suggestion and go louder.

So... I will have to get results of tonight... . and call lawyer first thing... . but I understand the point that inaction will be seen as me saying this is OK... .   On the off chance that DSS says no big deal.   

I shouldn't prejudge what they will say... .

But I can't wait until last minute to consider things... . please keep advice coming.

I need to stay in the house... . yet be safe.

[formflier]

 

The comment about not having a partner any more hit home.  I really couldn't articulate that... . but that is how I feel. 

I hope she gets better... . but... . at this moment I have to deal with the reality of the situation... .

[KateCat]

Just based on my own experiences, I would predict that your wife will not hold back at all now. She will tell all the professionals involved about all the bad things she believes you have done. She will be very specific and will have great conviction in the telling. The professionals will begin to draw conclusions regarding your wife's mental health issues almost immediately. . . . With so many people involved now, seeing and hearing the same thing, hopefully a protection plan for all members of the family can emerge fairly quickly.

(I hope this scenario is not wishful thinking.)

You didn't ask for this role, but I think your courage will not go unnoticed by your constituents, particularly the ones who are struggling alone with similar issues. You're probably starting to get a good idea of how many of them there are out there . . . .

[Grey Kitty]

Sounds like any restraint on her part to attack or blame you is long gone.

Are there any legal actions you are still holding off to be "nice" and try to stop this from becoming all-out war in her mind?

[formflier]

 

This is bad.

DSS interviewed my kids and then informed my wife and I that I would have to leave the home.

Their were no individual talks with adults.  I informed them of my concerns for BPD and rage issues during discipline... . and they were not heeded.

I offered to listen to the recording of the actual incident and they said they have to protect the kids and go with their assessment of them. 

The temporary safety plan is for me to live with my parents.  No contact.

I implored them to put evaluations on the safety plan... they put down that we will comply with "counselors"... . they would not put down which one.

They stressed this is temporary.

I'm screwed... . my conscience is clear... . my heart is broken.

[Narellan]

Fairy steps Formflier. I'm heartbroken for you. And the kids. In this instance, going on what you've said, they have made a mistake. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Keep pursuing safety options for the kids. You have the recording of the abuse. Have faith the truth will come out soon enough 

[sweetheart]

Oh formflier you are in my thoughts all the time at the moment. Your posts are heartbreaking, but you have shown tremendous courage and strength in making people aware of what is going on.

Your wife will not, I can't know, but I very much doubt, be able to keep things together.She does not believe she is ill and it sounds like she has absolutely no sight into her behaviour, so nothing will change for her. You also being gone is an additional stressor, so if she is being monitored in relation to the children they will find out and I hope really soon.

You must feel so sad and lost to have had to leave your home and your children, but you did the right thing. Keep shouting loudly for everyone to hear your fears, do not give up. You will be vindicated, your children will know that you were their voice when they had none, and that you were there to help them when they needed it most.

 

[formflier]

I got a couple hours of very fitful sleep.  I will  try to keep my head up and moving today.

I understand that the kids have a point of view... . me... . my wife... . and those can call be different.

I understand that what a neutral person may hear on a record may seem different that.

I can't understand... . and I think I great injustice was done last night that they refused to listend to any of my recordings.

They said they thought that was strange that I had them.

They did acknowledge that the stories they were being told by my wife and me where completely different but when I tried to explain that as the reason I record... . I can't understand why that didn't go anywhere.

There is no requirement in the safety plan for her... . other than to follow her counselors directions... . there have been so many... . I tried to push to include names or something like that.  They said no.

They did stress this was temporary and that more investigation would be done... . etc etc etc...

I listened again to what actually happened in the house.  I can't and won't be quiet about that.  I do need to try to focus on being effective... . or at least not taking steps backward.

I think that we will have to let time go by to figure out if last night was step forward or backward.  Right now I think it was step backward.

[Grey Kitty]

Heartbreaking.

All I can say is don't give up, and talk to your lawyer about this.

This is just the first stage.

At one level, your children could be safer now that DSS is involved, even with you kept away: It could go either of two ways.

• Your wife is on good behavior because she knows that there will be official scrutiny.



• Your wife's behavior doesn't stay good, and DSS will find out and take appropriate actions.

[Olinda]

Thinking of you, Formflier. 

They do make mistakes. And I would suggest that you keep going up the chain to share your side of the story. And ask that the children be interviewed always away from mother, so they might feel safer telling the truth.  Did they interview even the older ones for what has been happening with the younger ones? 

Sign consents for them to speak to all of your therapists, past and present. Especially whoever diagnosed her with BPD. 

I would be the squeaky wheel. You have to stay assertive and explain that it is about the safety of the children.

[KateCat]

Please don't question your actions of the past few days. (I guess I'm one who feels that your children are already safer today than they were yesterday.)

Can you detach enough emotionally from the situation at this time to put your military experience to use? It might be a real advantage to you, if you can begin to work your way mentally through this opening skirmish, to the state of present battle lines, to a marshaling of all your troops, to a long-range plan. You know, whatever Winston Churchill and his generals would have done. . . . Right now is clearly dreadful, something like the day after Pearl Harbor. :'(

Some of your generals are the folks on the Legal board in this community. I really think they will have your back in the days to come.

How are your parents holding up? Sometimes people who post here at this moment of family crisis learn that their parents have been watching and waiting, silently, wishing they could be of help but having no authority to act.

I'm just now remembering how my father told me he was in high school on the day Pearl Harbor was attacked, and he knew on that day that he was going to enlist as soon as he was eligible. You may have a lot of witnesses and allies you aren't yet aware of.

[GaGrl]

I think the children are probably safer today, at least for the time being.  If she's like my DH's ex, the fact that she's being scrutinized now may keep her on best behavior until the stress eventually gets to her.

One thought occurs to me... . since you spoke to the sheriff, perhaps you can direct DSS to the sheriff to confirm that you proactively reached out for advice.  Did the sheriff hear the recording?  That may be a way to get someone from DSS to listen.

[formflier]

 

I'm going to talk to my pastor for a while today before I got talk to my parents.

Of course in the middle of the night I couldn't get my elderly parents to answer the door or phone... . and then thought the best course is to grab a couple hours sleep at a local hotel.

I did actually get some sleep... . not much... but enough.  I need to watch that closely... . that is the key to controlling all my other issues.

Going to counselor that pointed out BPD to us (one that wife walked out on ) and see what kind of records there are and what options are for her to make a statement.

Note:  My wife claims this counselor thinks something 180 out about what is going on with her.  Wife says this lady says it is all me... . and this lady really says... . yep... you have PTSD... . another eval confirmed that this is  the case and that is presents as sleep disturbance.  Keep you sleep up and all should be manageable.

To be clear this lady did not diagnose uBPDw with BPD... . she said she had not seen enough or spent enough time... . but... . she has strong traits... . and me learning to deal with traits is just as good as learning to deal with a diagnosis.

And she strongly recommends formal diagnosis of whatever... . and continued care.