Parner woes

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hi.

I'm fairly new on this board and have previously posted in the new members forum. My situation is in there.

Since then, there has been another issue that has come up, with my partner walking out on me and staying with her mother and family.

On Saturday night we went out and met with a few friends to a local pub to watch a band. Anyhow, she walks off and starts talking to a woman I work with-someone whom has deeply upset both myself and her in the pub. This upset me, but I never went and told my partner as it is whenever I express my concerns to her she blows up at me. This is one of the reasons I dont express my true feelings about issues to do with her in our relationship. I ended up walking out of the pub to go for a walk to get away from it. About half an hour I returned and she was just getting in a cab with this woman so I got in with them and it bought us home. the moment we got in her face contorted with anger and she threatened me-telling me she would expose me to my workmates and everyone and tell them how I dont care about her, which is nonsense as I have given her so much support through her illnesses (overdoses etc) and she told me that there was 'someone else' Despite this, I remained calm and she carried on. She then demanded money for a cab to go to her mothers which I gave to her. She gathered up her clothes and dog and left the flat. Shortly after the cab co rang and said they were here. A little while after the home phone rang and I didnt answer it as it was her and I didnt want to talk to her given what she had just told me. The door intercom rang and I ignored it and went to bed . About an hour or two later, there was two almighty kicks on the door. It was her so I let her in and she went to bed. I slept on the sofa and the following morning I got up and went out. She left that day. Since then she has told others that I threw her out for 2 hours, then the story changed to 3 hrs now it's 4 hrs in the cold. I did not, she left of her own accord. I challenged her on the taxi and she said it never turned up which is nonsense as we use a local cab company who know us and where we live very well. I poke to a counsellor and I have been referred to some face to face as I do have a few issues in my past with a violent female partner. The first appointment took place yesterday and in the eve my partner called and asked how it went. I told her but she didnt seem interested. Instead she got off the phone. a bit later i texted her to wish her goodnight. She texted back to say she was feeling low and was sorry. I said no need to apologise. she then text back and said she wasn't saying sorry to me but that she felt low. I asked her to explain and she said 'if you dont know then I'm worried' I asked her what was on her mind and she messaged me and bought up sunday and that I had kicked her out for over 4 hours and that I never cared for her. She also said she was not having a go at me (like I believed this-more like just to remind you) Earlier I had bought her flowers, choccies, her fav wine and a nice card, plus some treats for the dog which she picked up from here whilst I was out. She said she was having a bbq round her mothers today and asked me if I wanted to come. I told her before this it would be nice to spend some time together, but last night I barely slept 2 hrs being up for work before 3am and I am completely tired and have a headache. I'm up tomorrow morning at the same time and really need some sleep so I sent her a text telling her that I really wasn't up to it and apologised. She went mad telling me that she was very angry with me after 'clearing it with her family that I could go' (she has told them a completely distorted version of evenets ref saturday) and that she bets I'm going out with my brother. that is not the case-he is coming round here for an hour later to give me some support as he has had similar counselling before and my partner knew this and that I'd come round after he left, which I'm not going to given how worn down I really feel. Her sister is also a loudmouth and would not be able to hold her mouth shut. She too is very confrontational and I'm really not in the mood for that. My counsellor yesterday told me that I try to please people too hard and that also means holding back on my true feelings for fear of upsetting others. I'm now starting long term psychodynamic counselling. I have also given up my couple of glasses of wine with my dinner so as to keep a clear head at all times (my partner puts away over half a bottle of wine a day and depends on alcohol to get through the day) She has made me feel nervous and anxious and that it's all my fault. I have had over 2 years of stress because of her behaviour both in the house and when she decides to go on a bender with her fellow patients as on many occasions I've had to go and bail her out of trouble and go to the hospital 3 times and take time off work as she has taken an overdose on these 3 occasions not to mention numerous self harming episodes. She has isolated me from most of my family and upset a number of my work colleagues. I am considering an exit strategy from this chaotic relationship which I discussed with my counsellor. Outwardly she is charming etc to others and one of her friends suggested that she is the best thing since sliced bread. He does not know what goes on at closed doors.

Sorry to go on, but I'm almost at my wits end.

Any advice greatly appreciated.

Thanks

[cycle66]

Hi.

I'm fairly new on this board and have previously posted in the new members forum. My situation is in there.

Since then, there has been another issue that has come up, with my partner walking out on me and staying with her mother and family.

On Saturday night we went out and met with a few friends to a local pub to watch a band. Anyhow, she walks off and starts talking to a woman I work with-someone whom has deeply upset both myself and her in the pub. This upset me, but I never went and told my partner as it is whenever I express my concerns to her she blows up at me. This is one of the reasons I dont express my true feelings about issues to do with her in our relationship. I ended up walking out of the pub to go for a walk to get away from it. About half an hour I returned and she was just getting in a cab with this woman so I got in with them and it bought us home. the moment we got in her face contorted with anger and she threatened me-telling me she would expose me to my workmates and everyone and tell them how I dont care about her, which is nonsense as I have given her so much support through her illnesses (overdoses etc) and she told me that there was 'someone else' Despite this, I remained calm and she carried on. She then demanded money for a cab to go to her mothers which I gave to her. She gathered up her clothes and dog and left the flat. Shortly after the cab co rang and said they were here. A little while after the home phone rang and I didnt answer it as it was her and I didnt want to talk to her given what she had just told me. The door intercom rang and I ignored it and went to bed . About an hour or two later, there was two almighty kicks on the door. It was her so I let her in and she went to bed. I slept on the sofa and the following morning I got up and went out. She left that day. Since then she has told others that I threw her out for 2 hours, then the story changed to 3 hrs now it's 4 hrs in the cold. I did not, she left of her own accord. I challenged her on the taxi and she said it never turned up which is nonsense as we use a local cab company who know us and where we live very well. I poke to a counsellor and I have been referred to some face to face as I do have a few issues in my past with a violent female partner. The first appointment took place yesterday and in the eve my partner called and asked how it went. I told her but she didnt seem interested. Instead she got off the phone. a bit later i texted her to wish her goodnight. She texted back to say she was feeling low and was sorry. I said no need to apologise. she then text back and said she wasn't saying sorry to me but that she felt low. I asked her to explain and she said 'if you dont know then I'm worried' I asked her what was on her mind and she messaged me and bought up sunday and that I had kicked her out for over 4 hours and that I never cared for her. She also said she was not having a go at me (like I believed this-more like just to remind you) Earlier I had bought her flowers, choccies, her fav wine and a nice card, plus some treats for the dog which she picked up from here whilst I was out. She said she was having a bbq round her mothers today and asked me if I wanted to come. I told her before this it would be nice to spend some time together, but last night I barely slept 2 hrs being up for work before 3am and I am completely tired and have a headache. I'm up tomorrow morning at the same time and really need some sleep so I sent her a text telling her that I really wasn't up to it and apologised. She went mad telling me that she was very angry with me after 'clearing it with her family that I could go' (she has told them a completely distorted version of evenets ref saturday) and that she bets I'm going out with my brother. that is not the case-he is coming round here for an hour later to give me some support as he has had similar counselling before and my partner knew this and that I'd come round after he left, which I'm not going to given how worn down I really feel. Her sister is also a loudmouth and would not be able to hold her mouth shut. She too is very confrontational and I'm really not in the mood for that. My counsellor yesterday told me that I try to please people too hard and that also means holding back on my true feelings for fear of upsetting others. I'm now starting long term psychodynamic counselling. I have also given up my couple of glasses of wine with my dinner so as to keep a clear head at all times (my partner puts away over half a bottle of wine a day and depends on alcohol to get through the day) She has made me feel nervous and anxious and that it's all my fault. I have had over 2 years of stress because of her behaviour both in the house and when she decides to go on a bender with her fellow patients as on many occasions I've had to go and bail her out of trouble and go to the hospital 3 times and take time off work as she has taken an overdose on these 3 occasions not to mention numerous self harming episodes. She has isolated me from most of my family and upset a number of my work colleagues. I am considering an exit strategy from this chaotic relationship which I discussed with my counsellor. Outwardly she is charming etc to others and one of her friends suggested that she is the best thing since sliced bread. He does not know what goes on at closed doors.

Sorry to go on, but I'm almost at my wits end.

Any advice greatly appreciated.

Thanks