It has been a year, he won't quit trying to destroy me

[Soulsisters]

hi ,

I have not been on this site in a few months, and today I feel like I am at step one all over again.  I am in shock and awe once again and not sure what the hell I am going to do.  

We are divorced, and have two sons.  One is 18 the other one is almost 16.  My 18 year old has not spoken to me in about six  months and has had his head filled with so much bull___ by his father.  The kids refused to leave the home when i left, and my x has turned my entire town against me.  I lost everyone.

Prior to our divorce, he had all of my communications hacked into and caused me a world of financial and emotional trauma.  I settled for whatever it was he was willing to part with and tried to move on and get away.  I did this pretty well and was moving in a good direction both professionally and emotionally.  I work every day to get my kids to come back, and was making progress.  I changed addresses and thought i had good communications.  

Then three months ago I am right back where i started from.  He is into all of my computers, phones, routers, and taking any relationships i have away with lies.  He is a monster.  His family is the worst thing that ever walked this earth as well, and i cannot believe that they wont let me go peacefully.  They continue to take my kids further away and it is screwing them up, my youngest misses me and is afraid to go to me because of his father.  

I have police reports, five of them, fbi reports, and tons of other ones with every agency.  They wont go get him because they say i have not lost enough money, or that it is impossible to prove.  I have spent 20k on this nightmare, and the fbi needs me to lose 100k before they take it seriously.  It is awful.

My career is not in jepoordy because sends emails on my behalf, and it is ruining me .  I miss my sons, i am never going to be free of this hell, and i am scared all over again.   I got a bunch of hateful text messages from him tonight and it makes me sick.

I dont know how to go forward.  I need my son out of his field of vision and to stop hurtiing him, and i need a secure way to communicate.  He is an awful soul that scares me.

I felt like I had it there for awhile.  My confidence was high, my life getting in order, and now i cant see out of the haze again.  

Ugh,  how do i find my way all over again.  How can I get him out of my devices?  Nothing works.

[WalrusGumboot]

Soulsisters, I truly am sorry you are enduring this. I am also divorced (2 years now) and am very familiar with the path of destruction that seems to keep coming after that initial sigh of relief when the divorce is granted.

I think it is best now to come to terms with the fact that you cannot truly "fix" the havoc he is wreaking. You might want to just write off the people in the town that he turned against you. The same thing happened to me. I had a few friends that did not believe her and remain friends to this day, but as for the rest, I am assuming that my reputation has been tarnished by lies.

Your biggest concern should be your children, which I am sure is. Mine are in their 20's now, with the oldest being pretty well adjusted but the younger struggling. I now see the damage that can happen by a lifetime of exposure to a pwBPD. They have also come to realize on their own the truth about their mother and I have a very good relationship with them now. Yours are still in the midst of their very impressionable years as well as being teenagers, so you can expect them to have bad behaviors. It DOES get better. You will have to endure some rough times, but be patient and things seem to smooth out on their own as they mature.

I would start blocking all methods of communication from your ex except one to be used to communicate about your children. There is no need to receive ugly text messages at all hours.

[ForeverDad]

As for the computer and other electronics invasions, you may need the help of an expert.  You may need to get new computers or new hard drives and reinstall the computer software with latest updates, simply reformatting the computer may not be enough to clean out the spyware.  Routers can be reset to factory defaults and set up again.  I've heard some phone attacks can come over in a phone call, not sure if that's true or how you can avoid that since the boys' phones could be used for the attacks.

Could the children have been the pathway ex used to get into your computers and systems?

Of course, never give your ex access to your computers, either by physical access or electronic access.