worrying about a work trip

[RJC83]

Hi,

I’m looking for a bit of advice for a future event that I’m stressing about. 

In approx 3 months I will have to spend 6 weeks away from home for work training (coming home at weekends).  The last time I did this was only for 2 weeks and it was a particularly hard time for my dBPDw as we had to go through a termination just before I went away.  I’m now getting really worried that there will be lingering feelings which could potentially make my training a nightmare (this is something I have to do for my job and future career – I have already had to cancel last years due to bad timing!).

We are at a particularly shaky stage in our relationship where separation is being brought up on a daily matter.  This might just push everything over the edge – maybe a good thing?

Rob

[half-life]

This is a legitimate business trip scheduled well in advance. Does she know it? What does she think about it? Does this trip cause any practical issue to your family? Did she give you any hard time and what is her concern?

I've made a weeks long business trip before. We know it will happen but the exact timing is contingent. I took a load of crap about how I abandon the family and leave her deal with everything at home.

[losinghope97]

Hi RJC83,

Know your worry, well founded to be sure.  No matter how much notice, how important the trip, how available you make yourself during the trip, her feelings of abandonment will kick in and you will be the target of the wrath.  I have never travelled a lot, but have taken enough trips to know what was coming, 9 out of 10 times.  So not sure there is anything you can do to avoid the issue.  I would say the most important question you can examine is what within yourself would want to stay in a relationship where this kind of stress and worry exists over things, that in a 'normal' situation, would not be a big deal?  This is not to say you should break it off, just that the best thing you can is be completely honest with yourself about your motivations.  If you chose to stay and deal with it, let it be for the right reasons.  The worst thing is to go through it all, only to realize that you motivations were not authentic, and you have taken the punishment for no good reason.

LH97

[RJC83]

Thanks for the responses

It’s the abandonment that gets to her the most as she feels like I am the devil for wanting to spend time away while she looks after our 2 children.

This is a trip she does know about and will be starting in approx 3 months time.  She has tried to say she will be ok with it a few times, but it’s all the other times of making me feel like I am abandoning her that sticks in my mind.  She tried staying strong on the last trip I had away but then it only came on 10 times worse because of that.

I love my wife to pieces but I feel this is gradually turning into me simply caring for her and trying to get by, day by day.

I wish I could be stronger but it is simply crushing my confidence and I don’t think I can hold on much longer.  Just as you think there may be a bit of a pattern going with positivity within the relationship, she seems to sense this, panic and then start it all over again!

By all means I am no angel, I have snapped back and stood my ground on a few occasions.  Its just the battle of not feeling guilty for doing so.

I feel like such a mess today!