An update on court this morning

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

So I had court this morning for a B.S. stalking charge my uBPDex filed against me. When I met with my attorney last week and showed him how she had doctored her phone records to make it look like I was texting her constantly without her responding and showed him my phone records and screenshots of texts showing that she actually had been responding he felt that the case would get dismissed. He had warned me that the prosecutor would most likely not want to dismiss it today and would probably postpone another court date for two or three months from now just to make sure nothing happens in the meantime and then dismiss it. I warned my lawyer that I was nervous that she would try to blindside us at court with some sort of new false allegations bc she did that at the EPO hearing we had- showed up suddenly claiming that I had put my hands on her when I ran into while out walking my dog and brought her new gf as a witness. He seemed fairly confident that if she was going to claim that anything had happened in the meantime we would know about it bc she would have had to call the cops or notify the prosecutor. I still had my doubts, and I was correct.

She showed up with emails that she cannot substantiate came from me, but she claimed she thought they were from me. I told my lawyer that is easy enough to prove, just trace the IP addresses and see where the emails came from, bc I was certain they didn't come from my computer. As of right now, court has been postponed until August so that my attorney could get copies of the supposed emails and send them to me to look over. I would guess she sent them to herself or had her gf do it. She has also apparently befriended an attorney who has hated me and had a huge personal  vendetta against me for at least 4 years. I wondered why I saw him come from the prosecutor's conference room and briefly go into the courtroom that we were supposed to be in He was in and out so quickly that I'm sure he wasn't handling a case there. He must have just been over there giving her guidance on what to tell the prosecutor. A friend sent me a screenshot from her FB and she had tagged the lawyer in and it said: ":)o no harm, but take no ___." She used to always talk about what a scumbag tool this lawyer is and couldn't stand him bc I didn't get along with him. He's been in the news several times and almost gotten disbarred for trading legal services for sex with clients and getting busted buying hookers on craigslist. So now, purely out of her hate for me, she's sunk to the level of befriending this guy in order to try to destroy me.

[lanfair]

So I had court this morning for a B.S. stalking charge my uBPDex filed against me. When I met with my attorney last week and showed him how she had doctored her phone records to make it look like I was texting her constantly without her responding and showed him my phone records and screenshots of texts showing that she actually had been responding he felt that the case would get dismissed. He had warned me that the prosecutor would most likely not want to dismiss it today and would probably postpone another court date for two or three months from now just to make sure nothing happens in the meantime and then dismiss it. I warned my lawyer that I was nervous that she would try to blindside us at court with some sort of new false allegations bc she did that at the EPO hearing we had- showed up suddenly claiming that I had put my hands on her when I ran into while out walking my dog and brought her new gf as a witness. He seemed fairly confident that if she was going to claim that anything had happened in the meantime we would know about it bc she would have had to call the cops or notify the prosecutor. I still had my doubts, and I was correct.

She showed up with emails that she cannot substantiate came from me, but she claimed she thought they were from me. I told my lawyer that is easy enough to prove, just trace the IP addresses and see where the emails came from, bc I was certain they didn't come from my computer. As of right now, court has been postponed until August so that my attorney could get copies of the supposed emails and send them to me to look over. I would guess she sent them to herself or had her gf do it. She has also apparently befriended an attorney who has hated me and had a huge personal  vendetta against me for at least 4 years. I wondered why I saw him come from the prosecutor's conference room and briefly go into the courtroom that we were supposed to be in He was in and out so quickly that I'm sure he wasn't handling a case there. He must have just been over there giving her guidance on what to tell the prosecutor. A friend sent me a screenshot from her FB and she had tagged the lawyer in and it said: ":)o no harm, but take no ___." She used to always talk about what a scumbag tool this lawyer is and couldn't stand him bc I didn't get along with him. He's been in the news several times and almost gotten disbarred for trading legal services for sex with clients and getting busted buying hookers on craigslist. So now, purely out of her hate for me, she's sunk to the level of befriending this guy in order to try to destroy me.

[Dutched]

Lanfair

As much my experiences are of some help .

# have a really good talk with your lawyer and make very clear it is not an average case!

# lawyers don’t see the risk as we see, so “educate” him, to think “out of the box”!

# keep in control, keep your mind sharp, question his advices, strategy!

# You know your ex, feelings = facts… so use it in your advantage

# she will act (as you noticed) behind your back, prepare and stay prepared

However that might be easy. Yes, because of their dissociative way of thinking. Remember it is a very, very emotional process for a BPD as she is confronted with you AGAIN, you the source of all evil. In such a mental state they stay predictable(!), use that.

# let her shoot her hail, but be aware you have your FACTS right. Mailed he, she mailed you? So save/print/copy whatever can be of use! Make notes, mentioning dates/ times and (if any) withnisses!

# she will try to hurt you on your most sensitive spot. You know which it is, so be prepared => think outside that box to safeguard your belongings/interests…

In my case she concentrated on only 4 points of which she thought would hurt me. We played sitting duck until…

She had 2 yr to prepare the split of the belongings, she finally failed as her descriptions were considered by court to be “to vague to split”( a cooking pan in the kitchen…=> which one the court asked?)

Even her own childhood belongings were forgotten, and the list go’s on.

Financially she didn’t came up with evidence for her claim (insurance policy on my name, so obviousely the insurance company couldn’t give her any data at all), etc.

But oh yeah, she didn’t forgot to claim pieces that are in my family for a 3-4 generations… to hurt, to destroy me. She failed with that too, it was legally already secured which she knew, but dissociative tried…

Good luck !

[david]

I was accused of assault by my xBPDw and found guilty of disorderly condeuct and put in prison for two weeks (2010). I got out of prison and bought an audio recorder and a video recorder. We have two kids together so NC is not possible. I only communicate with ex through email.

I have been accused of physical, verbal, emotional, and spiritual abuse. I have been accused of staulking several times.

I am not allowed to record in my state. I explained to my atty that I was recording myself and it just happens that ex may be in the recording too. I point the video camera at myself. It has a time stamp on it. It also has eye fi so if I am near a wifi spot it will go on the internet where I can retrieve it at another time. Sounds paranoid but it has kept xBPDw from accusing me of anything since I started that.

Document, document, document.

[david]

Easier said than done but don't take what she does personally. Tipping your hand by showing emotion only serves the interest of the person with BPD. Bpd is a serious mental health condition that you did not cause and can not fix.

[ForeverDad]

Do you have the essential handbook Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder by Bill Eddy & Randi Kreger?  William Eddy is a social worker, lawyer, author and lecturer in legal court-oriented seminars, he even has a respected web site.  It's excellent too for lawyers, but it may be hard to get your lawyer to pay attention to it.  Even if you weren't married to your ex, it has chapters dealing with false allegations and how to handle the court aspects.

It is very important not to accept a plea deal - courts love settlements and guess what, courts love plea deals too - since a plea deal typically means you've admitted guilt for some lesser offense.  If you did nothing wrong, then you should never admit any level of guilt.

[lanfair]

I don't have that book, but I will order it today. I tried to stress to my lawyer that she would have something up her sleeve to surprise us at court and he said she wouldn't BC if there were any new allegations or evidence she would have called the cops or the prosecutor. Then, surprise surprise, she shows up with emails she can't prove came from me but she "thinks" are from me. So with that new factor the prosecutor wasn't willing to consider dismissal that day like my lawyer was so sure would be the case. He's a very good attorney, I just think he fails to understand what my mother and I tried to stress to him when we met with him before court, that she's not in her right mind and is hellbent on revenge. I did make it very clear yesterday to my lawyer that I will not be pleading guilty or taking any offers from the prosecutor BC I have done nothing illegal and I'm planning to go to law school in a year when I finish my bachelors so I want nothing on my criminal record. I told him I will take this all the way to trial if I have to.

When he first told me about the emails I said well that will be easy to prove, just trace the IP addresses and you'll see none came from mine. Then I had an epiphany this morning while checking my email before work- she lived with me for a few months before the split, and even before that she spent most of the time at my apt. She would do homework there and other random internet browsing on her laptop, so she has her laptop set to automatically connect to my Wi-Fi. If she really wanted to frame me, she could have sat in my parking lot and accessed my Wi-Fi to send the emails, thus making them come from my IP address and looking like I sent them. I changed my password today, but I don't know how th

at will help for what may have been done in the past.