how do they move on so fast?

[Arminius]

Lack of self, emptiness, hollow.

Doesn't know who she is sexually, emotionally, morally. Parasitical attachment to the point she wants to become the other person, dress like them, talk like them, love the music they like, lose all past, fragmented, distorted, absent from themselves, part time personas, splitting themselves and others into parts. Unable to form a coherent whole from the broken mirror of their false selves.

Or something like that

Stop writing about my ex! I'm so tempted to send her  a link to this. But of course I won't.

[Arminius]

In one of my previous post I wrote

I attended several meetings (triads) in which family members, professionals and BPD’s (low and high functioning) were present. The most astonishing to learn was said by a BPD (which is no different as told many times on this Board):

“we” sincerely love you and “hate” you as you are then perceived not to be trustworthy.

“we” however love you still… and have a deeply hope you reach out, “we” can’t .

The more you reach out, the more “we” feel you care, the more “we” get frightened.

But hate is care, it is not indifference.

In order to avoid all that pain, “we” m u s t   cut you out, as the pain of losing the one “we” love the most hurts so much more. Remains 1 option, switch emotions of and move on…

Switch emotions of… the core was not completed, so there is no healthy way to process the feelings of losing a loved one, to grieve. Just not to process as we do.

Do “they” suffer? Yes, absolutely, though “they” don’t want other to see their always present inner turmoil, so “they” show us their “successes”… a complete make over of their appearances, cloths, color of hair, FB postings, having a wonderful time, and most profound with the next one, there soother, it is again … “finally found the love I always longed for”, “the best ever happened to me”… again… 

Still, in this context "love" isn't much different than "need a white object," and "hate" isn't much different than "need a black object."  The two terms here aren't used as we understand them.  It is sad.

It is hard not to feel like in these relationships we are all just child's toys.  Too scary to throw us out, so we are stashed in the attic. 

Very accurate.

[PBandJ22]

Same exact story here. I heard "I need space" and "I need to heal" and "I need to find myself again." .

I just got these same phrases a few weeks ago. "I just need some space." "I don't like who I'm becoming." "Something's off with me & I need to figure out what it is." No other explanation - just a gut feeling.

I'm still on the journey of acceptance. I don't want it to be true. I don't want our story to be like all the other stories I'm reading here. I want the love to continue. It's heartbreaking.

[Goosey]

They beat us down. They left us with very little self esteem. So it’s very difficult to feel we can be be up to a task like a new relationship.
    I vaguely recall that relationships were fun, exciting.
  They destroy that and replace it with self doubt,  and apprehension of being exposed as being unworthy. Just like they told us we where for ever. 
    And the scary part is I think the only one who could make me feel good again would be another bpd idolizing me till they don’t.
  Scary.
   

[Goosey]

The love go to Loathing. I begged for the love and groveled to be back in good graces. It ain’t happening. I’m over it and accept that part of the process but severely damaged by it. Oh well.