Chameleon

[raytamtay3]

To sum up how my DD is; she is like a chameleon. She takes on the personality of those she is around. The girl she was friends with where we recently moved to sleeps around and I'm pretty confident in saying, towards the end before DD going to the RTC, they were involved in some sex trafficking or something of that sort. Now this girl does have some issues. She was sexual molested by her mother's x-boyfriend for years. So there is a reason she is the way she is in my mind.

Since DD is around gang type girls at this RTC (mostly from N Jersey), she now has taken on that persona. While she has had bouts of aggression in the past, nothing at all to the magnitude it has gotten to while at this RTC. I received a VM this past Saturday advising that visit was suspended as DD and a couple other youth braged into another youth's house and attacked her in her sleep.  The night before DD called me and told me how this girl was trying to mess with some other girl's b/f who resides at the RTC. She also uses the slang that these other girls use... .I have yet to speak to the person who left me the VM for further details, but DD's father said that he actually received a call as well and spoke to the women who said they threw a brick through the girls window. Considering Ex has a tendency to over assergerate, I cannot say for sure if that is true or not.

Anyway, the purpose of this new thread it so ask, is this a trait of any of your BPDs? This chameleon-like persona?

PS: DD is in the data base and is awaiting meet and greet from those RTCs who are willing to take her.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[HealingSpirit]

Dear Raytamtay,

Oh how frustrating for you! It's so scary leaving our kids in an institution that is supposed to help them and keep them safe.  I hope you get to speak to the staff there ASAP. And I hope your DD gets tired of the constant drama that the gangsta crowd attracts.

To answer your question, YES. I have noticed my own DD is a bit of a chameleon, even from the time she was little. She would take on characteristics of whatever cartoons or movies she had just watched. Now, i can tell when she's been talking to or spending time with one of her GFs because she starts laughing in the same distinct way.  She has a lot of male friends as well, and she dresses like a guy when she's been around them a lot.

I know it is a BPD trait to not have a strong identity, and it is common for pwBPD to try on various identities, but this is also typical teenaged behavior as well. Have you been near a junior high or high school lately? All the distinct groups dress and act alike... .the rebels, the goths, the nerds, the jocks, etc.

I pray they will eventually find themselves in all the personas they try. In the meantime, it is like watching a chameleon.  

I hope the RTC finds a better fit for your DD. Let us know how it goes.

[theplotthickens]

Yes!  Same experience here, and that is why we won't do RTC's.  My dd needs to be around positive, healthy people.

[jellibeans]

yes Ray... .my dd takes on the traits of her friends. It is as if she has no identity of her own. She was with a pretty good firned and I saw a great deal of change for the better but her new friends this summer drink and smoke and are the party girls. That has been my dd summer. How I wish she could make some nice friends or at least keep a friend longer than just a few months.

My dd use to go to a group and a lot of the girls in that group had eating disorders... .my dd developed one too.

She started cutting after a hopsital stay and her friend there was a cutter... .she is like a sponge!

[tristesse]

Hi RAY,

I just wanted to tell you that it is not just young BPD's that are like chameleons, my BPDD is 30 years old and she is also very imitative of friends that she is spending a lot of time with, she will affect speech patterns to match theirs, and at one point she was a bulimic and horribly thing because of the group she was running with, now she is actually quite heavy and has developed an accent like a friend who has relocated here from another part of the country, This friend is a big girl by the way.

I do think my BPDD is a very severe or extreme BPD, so perhaps if she were not so deep into this illness at age 30 she would not still be imitating others, I really don't know, but I do suggest trying to keep your dd's influences positive if possible.

In the meantime, try and take care of yourself and know that I will be thinking of you.